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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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October 03, 2022

NYC Marathon Lottery Winners to Get Choice of 1 Mile Per Year Over 26 Years or One-Time Payout of 26 Miles

October 03, 2022/ Mark Remy
NYC Marathon Lottery Winners to Get Choice of 1 Mile Per Year Over 26 Years or One-Time Payout of 26 Miles

It’s uncertain whether other World Marathon Majors events will follow suit.

Read More
October 03, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
New York City Marathon, Lottery, Choices
September 30, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #64: 'Play'

September 30, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #64: 'Play'

“MAKE-BELIEVE STREETS ARE MADE FOR TOY CARS!”

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September 30, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Children, Motorists, Pedestrian safety, Parenthood, Rage
September 25, 2022

Cocky Kipchoge Pauses Halfway Through Berlin Marathon for Haircut

September 25, 2022/ Mark Remy
Cocky Kipchoge Pauses Halfway Through Berlin Marathon for Haircut

Defending champ skips shampoo and rinse.

Read More
September 25, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Berlin Marathon, Haircut, Eliud Kipchoge, Tortoise, Hare
September 21, 2022

Driver Who Broke Runner’s Spine in Three Places Praised for Waiting Around Until Help Arrived

September 21, 2022/ Mark Remy
Driver Who Broke Runner’s Spine in Three Places Praised for Waiting Around Until Help Arrived

Police, local reporters applaud motorist for “remaining on the scene.”

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September 21, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Motorists, Pedestrian safety, Praise, Media, Police
September 19, 2022

Man Spends Final 8 Miles of Marathon Regretting Every Decision That Led to Final 8 Miles of Marathon

September 19, 2022/ Mark Remy
Man Spends Final 8 Miles of Marathon Regretting Every Decision That Led to Final 8 Miles of Marathon

Every step is a painful reminder of runner’s folly.

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September 19, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Regret, Pain, Why
September 16, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #63: 'Denial'

September 16, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #63: 'Denial'

He can quit anytime he wants!

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September 16, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Comics, Marathons, Addiction, Relationships, Denial, Early bird
September 12, 2022

Local Man Used to Run, But Then, You Know, His Knees

September 12, 2022/ Mark Remy
Local Man Used to Run, But Then, You Know, His Knees

Septuagenarian gestures vaguely in direction of joints.

Read More
September 12, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Jogging, Former runners, Knees
September 07, 2022

Local Woman Crosses ‘Develop Lasting Love of Running That Will Yield Lifetime of Mental, Physical, and Emotional Benefits’ Off Her Bucket List

September 07, 2022/ Mark Remy
Local Woman Crosses ‘Develop Lasting Love of Running That Will Yield Lifetime of Mental, Physical, and Emotional Benefits’ Off Her Bucket List

Birthday prompts 30-year-old to “go for it.”

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September 07, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Bucket List, Love, Goals
September 02, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #62: 'Disco'

September 02, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #62: 'Disco'

Do the hustle.

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September 02, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Hydration, Marketing, Brand ambassador, Money
August 31, 2022

Local Runner Snags Ultra-Rare 'Runner's World Number 1' at Yard Sale

August 31, 2022/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Snags Ultra-Rare 'Runner's World Number 1'  at Yard Sale

Highly prized issue dates from 1886, may be worth thousands.

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August 31, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Runner's World, Vintage, Publishing
August 25, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #61: 'Menu'

August 25, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #61: 'Menu'

They had reservations… but came anyway.

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August 25, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Nutrition, Satire
Comics, Restaurant, Dining out, GU, Bagels, Server, Gatorade, Very good sir
August 22, 2022

Embarrassed Runner Thought Everyone at Marathon Would Be Wearing a Costume

August 22, 2022/ Mark Remy
Embarrassed Runner Thought Everyone at Marathon Would Be Wearing a Costume

Whimsical SpongeBob facade hides face of “mortified” local runner.

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August 22, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Costumes, SpongeBob SquarePants, Embarrassment
August 11, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #60: 'Potty'

August 11, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #60: 'Potty'

More like portal potty, am I right?

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August 11, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Porta potty, Hallucinogens, GU, Lions, Witches, Wardrobes
August 08, 2022

Most Bodies That Local Jogger Sees AREN'T Dead, Upbeat Therapist Tells Local Jogger

August 08, 2022/ Mark Remy
Most Bodies That Local Jogger Sees AREN'T Dead, Upbeat Therapist Tells Local Jogger

Psychologist tries to put trauma in perspective.

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August 08, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Dead body, Joggers, Therapy, Trauma, Perspective
August 03, 2022

Good Samaritan Shoots Pistol-Wielding Man at Track Meet

August 03, 2022/ Mark Remy
Good Samaritan Shoots Pistol-Wielding Man at Track Meet

Police laud spectator’s quick thinking.

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August 03, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Guns, Track meets, Starter pistol, Carry
August 01, 2022

Motorist Experiences Minor Inconvenience

August 01, 2022/ Mark Remy
Motorist Experiences Minor Inconvenience

Encounter with local runner impedes driver’s progress for up to four seconds.

Read More
August 01, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Motorists, Pedestrian safety, Minor inconvenience, Rage, Screaming
July 29, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #59: 'Sports'

July 29, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #59: 'Sports'

Who needs small talk, anyway?

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July 29, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Sports, Balls, Small Talk, Socially awkward, Relationships
July 19, 2022

Walkers on Track Ruin Another Race at World Championships

July 19, 2022/ Mark Remy
Walkers on Track Ruin Another Race at World Championships

Interlopers cause confusion, irritation.

Read More
July 19, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
World Championships, Track meets, Etiquette, Annoyance
July 18, 2022

Demeaning Female Runners From Couch Just Not the Same, Salazar Complains

July 18, 2022/ Mark Remy
Demeaning Female Runners From Couch Just Not the Same, Salazar Complains

Coverage of World Track & Field Championships has disgraced coach feeling wistful.

Read More
July 18, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Alberto Salazar, Women's running, Track, Abuse, Live TV
July 11, 2022

Runner Ignores Phone That He Painstakingly Positioned on Ground Just Moments Before

July 11, 2022/ Mark Remy
Runner Ignores Phone That He Painstakingly Positioned on Ground Just Moments Before

Photo later appears on social media.

Read More
July 11, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Phone, Social media, Trail running
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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