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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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May 28, 2025

OPINION: Stop Shaming Newbies Who Don't Know What ‘5’ Means, or How Numerals Work in General

May 28, 2025/ Mark Remy
OPINION: Stop Shaming Newbies Who Don't Know What ‘5’ Means, or How Numerals Work in General

Do better, gatekeepers.

Read More
May 28, 2025/ Mark Remy/
New runners, Marathons, Rodents
April 14, 2025

Running a Marathon Turns Your Brain Awesome, Researchers Find

April 14, 2025/ Mark Remy
Running a Marathon Turns Your Brain Awesome, Researchers Find

Awesomeness levels nearly quintuple after just one marathon, study finds.

Read More
April 14, 2025/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Research, Aweomeness, Brains
April 09, 2025

Local Runner Blames Poor Marathon Performance on DEI

April 09, 2025/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Blames Poor Marathon Performance on DEI

Link remains unclear.

Read More
April 09, 2025/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Blame, DEI
March 31, 2025

Indecisive Runner Causes Quarter-Mile Backup at Marathon Aid Station

March 31, 2025/ Mark Remy
Indecisive Runner Causes Quarter-Mile Backup at Marathon Aid Station

“They all look so good,” says dithering man. 

Read More
March 31, 2025/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Aid station, Water, Cup, Indecision, Backup, Marathons
February 05, 2025

‘Be in the Moment’ Is Terrible Advice, Man Decides in Marathon’s Final Miles

February 05, 2025/ Mark Remy
‘Be in the Moment’ Is Terrible Advice, Man Decides in Marathon’s Final Miles

Local runner hates moment, doesn’t want to be in it.

Read More
February 05, 2025/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Mindfulness, Psychology, Pain
January 23, 2025

Handsome Runner Skates Through Marathon on His Looks

January 23, 2025/ Mark Remy
Handsome Runner Skates Through Marathon on His Looks

Local man has it easy, say less-attractive runners.

Read More
January 23, 2025/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Looks, Handsome runner, Racing, Marathons
September 11, 2024

Marathon Investigation Narc in Starting Corral Already Has 3 Runners on Tape Discussing Their Plans to Cheat

September 11, 2024/ Mark Remy
Marathon Investigation Narc in Starting Corral Already Has 3 Runners on Tape Discussing Their Plans to Cheat

Watchdog website's use of undercover agent pays off.

Read More
September 11, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Cheating, Narc, Evidence
August 29, 2024

Dumb Runner Illustrated #112: 'BINGO'

August 29, 2024/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #112: 'BINGO'

Who says they have to be boring?

Read More
August 29, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
BINGO, Marathons, Comics
August 19, 2024

OUTRAGE ALERT! These Runners Are Furious After a Wormhole on Their Marathon Course Sent Them Tumbling Through Space and Time Into Another Dimension Populated by Enormous Ants

August 19, 2024/ Mark Remy
OUTRAGE ALERT! These Runners Are Furious After a Wormhole on Their Marathon Course Sent Them Tumbling Through Space and Time Into Another Dimension Populated by Enormous Ants

Organizers blame “human error” for lapse.

Read More
August 19, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Outrage, Giant ants, Wormhole
August 12, 2024

IOC Faces Backlash Over Bank of America Logo on Olympic Marathon Medals

August 12, 2024/ Mark Remy
IOC Faces Backlash Over Bank of America Logo on Olympic Marathon Medals

Officials defend decision, call branding “very subtle.”

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August 12, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Olympics, Medals, Bank of America, Sponsorships, Money, Complaints, Marathons
August 05, 2024

Olympic Marathoners Annoyed That Race Website Doesn’t List Start Time

August 05, 2024/ Mark Remy
Olympic Marathoners Annoyed That Race Website Doesn’t List Start Time

“One thing every runner will actually want to know” is missing, runners complain.

Read More
August 05, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Olympics, Marathons, Web design, Annoyance
July 31, 2024

Anxious Kipchoge Googles ‘How to Say Which Way to Marathon Start in French’

July 31, 2024/ Mark Remy
Anxious Kipchoge Googles ‘How to Say Which Way to Marathon Start in French’

Online search just one of several for Paris-bound runner.

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July 31, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Olympics, Eliud Kipchoge, Google, France, Marathons
July 05, 2024

Dumb Runner Illustrated #108: 'Jeopardy!'

July 05, 2024/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #108: 'Jeopardy!'

Keep it simple, Gary.

Read More
July 05, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Jeopardy!, Game show, Marathons, Distance, Esoterica
June 21, 2024

Dumb Runner Illustrated #107: 'Patience'

June 21, 2024/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #107: 'Patience'

Wait—shipping will take a whole week?

Read More
June 21, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News
Comics, Marathons, Training, Patience, eBay, Finisher's medal
June 05, 2024

Local Motorist Fuming at Marathon Road Closures That Were Publicized For Months in Advance Via Street Signs, Flyers, Social Media, TV, Radio, Local Paper, and Vintage Biplane Towing Banner

June 05, 2024/ Mark Remy
Local Motorist Fuming at Marathon Road Closures That Were Publicized For Months in Advance Via Street Signs, Flyers, Social Media, TV, Radio, Local Paper, and Vintage Biplane Towing Banner

“What the hell?” man asks.

Read More
June 05, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Road closures, Motorists, Anger, Vintage biplane
May 31, 2024

Dumb Runner Illustrated #106: 'Resume'

May 31, 2024/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #106: 'Resume'

Apart from “Boston,” what are your qualifications?

Read More
May 31, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Marathons, Job interview, Resume, Weakness
May 13, 2024

In Major Shift, USATF Says Competitors May Ignore Any Rule They Think Is Stupid

May 13, 2024/ Mark Remy
In Major Shift, USATF Says Competitors May Ignore Any Rule They Think Is Stupid

“Times change, and we must change with them,” says governing body.

Read More
May 13, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
USATF, Rules, Marathons
May 08, 2024

'Oh, I Used to Run Marathons,' Says Smirking Woman Who Refuses to Elaborate

May 08, 2024/ Mark Remy
'Oh, I Used to Run Marathons,' Says Smirking Woman Who Refuses to Elaborate

Cryptic remarks hang in the air, like so much cigarette smoke.

Read More
May 08, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Cigarettes, Alcohol, Rueful, Bitterness, Mysteries
April 29, 2024

‘My Only Goal Is to Finish,’ Says First-Time Marathoner Who Has Spent His Whole Life Playing It Safe, So Why Should This Be Any Different?

April 29, 2024/ Mark Remy
‘My Only Goal Is to Finish,’ Says First-Time Marathoner Who Has Spent His Whole Life Playing It Safe, So Why Should This Be Any Different?

Local runner has long history of avoiding risk.

Read More
April 29, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Goals, Marathons, Risk averse, Caution
April 10, 2024

Report: Mom Not Mad That You Didn’t Mention Her in Your Marathon Race Report, Just Disappointed

April 10, 2024/ Mark Remy
Report: Mom Not Mad That You Didn’t Mention Her in Your Marathon Race Report, Just Disappointed

Endlessly supportive woman is “very happy for you,” sources say.

Read More
April 10, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Race report, Mother, Guilt, Disappointment, Family
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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