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OPINION: Stop Shaming Newbies Who Don't Know What ‘5’ Means, or How Numerals Work in General
OPINION: Stop Shaming Newbies Who Don't Know What ‘5’ Means, or How Numerals Work in General

Do better, gatekeepers.

Dumb Runner Illustrated #129: 'Recovery'
Dumb Runner Illustrated #129: 'Recovery'

Take a hike, Brian—and then recover from that hike!

Local Runner Grateful for Little Wave From Motorist Who Nearly Hit Her
Local Runner Grateful for Little Wave From Motorist Who Nearly Hit Her

Woman appreciates feeble gesture.

American Runner Bound for Canada Happy About Favorable Mile/Kilometer Exchange Rate
American Runner Bound for Canada Happy About Favorable Mile/Kilometer Exchange Rate

Local man intends to “load up on long runs” during visit.

Runner Has Ironman Calf Tattoo of Runner With Ironman Calf Tattoo
Runner Has Ironman Calf Tattoo of Runner With Ironman Calf Tattoo

Meta image shared on Meta social media platforms.

SAD! This Woman Has Hundreds of Mid-Run Selfies But Isn’t on Social Media So All She Can Do Is Walk Around Showing Them to People on Her Phone
SAD! This Woman Has Hundreds of Mid-Run Selfies But Isn’t on Social Media So All She Can Do Is Walk Around Showing Them to People on Her Phone

Strangers show little interest in local runner’s photos.

Dumb Runner Illustrated #128: 'Break'
Dumb Runner Illustrated #128: 'Break'

You are not alone.

Ask Dr. Dumb: Should I Worry About Psycho Ostriches?
Ask Dr. Dumb: Should I Worry About Psycho Ostriches?

Short answer: Absolutely.

Trump Signs Executive Order Barring Triathlon Transitions
Trump Signs Executive Order Barring Triathlon Transitions

New directive flummoxes athletes and event directors alike.

Local Jogger Getting Pretty Good at Guessing Time and Manner of Death
Local Jogger Getting Pretty Good at Guessing Time and Manner of Death

Self-taught expert says she can spot blunt-force trauma from 20 feet away.

New Signs Will Alert Drivers to Intersections Where They Really Do Need to Stop
New Signs Will Alert Drivers to Intersections Where They Really Do Need to Stop

“Really Red” traffic light may be next, officials say.

Dumb Runner Illustrated #127: 'Foul'
Dumb Runner Illustrated #127: 'Foul'

Just watch your step.

Report: Boston-Bound Runner Is All ‘Hopkinton This’ and ‘Wellesley That,’ Blah Blah Blah
Report: Boston-Bound Runner Is All ‘Hopkinton This’ and ‘Wellesley That,’ Blah Blah Blah

List of marathon-related references nearly exhausted.

Running a Marathon Turns Your Brain Awesome, Researchers Find
Running a Marathon Turns Your Brain Awesome, Researchers Find

Awesomeness levels nearly quintuple after just one marathon, study finds.

Dumb Runner Illustrated #126: 'Half'
Dumb Runner Illustrated #126: 'Half'

But you didn’t hear it from me.

Local Runner Blames Poor Marathon Performance on DEI
Local Runner Blames Poor Marathon Performance on DEI

Link remains unclear.

Deceased Runner Drowned in Own Data, Autopsy Finds
Deceased Runner Drowned in Own Data, Autopsy Finds

Fitness stats and data “just too much” for local man, says medical examiner.

Indecisive Runner Causes Quarter-Mile Backup at Marathon Aid Station
Indecisive Runner Causes Quarter-Mile Backup at Marathon Aid Station

“They all look so good,” says dithering man. 

Final Two Runners at Barkley Marathons Forced to Engage in Kirk-vs.-Spock-Style Fight to Death
Final Two Runners at Barkley Marathons Forced to Engage in Kirk-vs.-Spock-Style Fight to Death

Hyper-dramatic music adds element of suspense.

‘I Can’t Run Without Music,’ Says Man Who Labels Self UNSTOPPABLE
‘I Can’t Run Without Music,’ Says Man Who Labels Self UNSTOPPABLE

Contradiction eludes self-styled badass.