Demeaning Female Runners From Couch Just Not the Same, Salazar Complains

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Disgraced running coach Alberto Salazar complained recently about his outsider status, Dumb Runner has learned, saying that verbally abusing female runners “just isn’t the same” from his living room.

Salazar made the comments while sitting alone on his couch as he watched televised coverage of the 2022 World Track & Field Championships, happening now in Eugene, Oregon. The former elite runner was essentially banished from the sport for life in 2021 following investigations into doping violations and sexual and emotional misconduct, including “fat shaming” female athletes.

“This sucks,” Salazar reportedly muttered while staring at his television, adding that several of the women he saw competing were “huge” and had large buttocks. “It just isn’t the same as being there in person.”

“Lose 10 pounds!” he shouted.

At last report, Salazar had turned off his TV and was staring at a wall.