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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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October 05, 2020

White House Doctor Admits Trump Did Not 'Snag Top 10 Finish' in London Marathon

October 05, 2020/ Mark Remy
White House Doctor Admits Trump Did Not 'Snag Top 10 Finish' in London Marathon

Conley walks back upbeat statement from previous news conference.

Read More
October 05, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Donald Trump, London Marathon
September 30, 2020

Ultra Runner Ultra Injured

September 30, 2020/ Mark Remy
Ultra Runner Ultra Injured

Extreme athlete “not interested in small challenges.”

Read More
September 30, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Ultras, Injuries
September 28, 2020

‘OK, That’s Pretty Cute,’ Local Runner Thinks Just Before Impact

September 28, 2020/ Mark Remy
‘OK, That’s Pretty Cute,’ Local Runner Thinks Just Before Impact

Terrier provides moment of levity as man loses consciousness.

Read More
September 28, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Dogs, Motorists, Pedestrian safety, Traffic, Accidents
September 24, 2020

Dumb Runner Illustrated #1: 'Yeah, Baby!'

September 24, 2020/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #1: 'Yeah, Baby!'

A sort of comic. First in an occasional series.

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September 24, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News
Dumb Runner Illustrated, Comics, Austin Powers, Behave, Running partner
September 21, 2020

Toenail Fairy Left ‘2 Whole Dollars,’ Local Runner Announces

September 21, 2020/ Mark Remy
Toenail Fairy Left ‘2 Whole Dollars,’ Local Runner Announces

Man thrilled to find two crisp bills under pillow.

Read More
September 21, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Training
Toenails, Toenail fairy, Money, Childlike wonder
September 14, 2020

Man’s Virtual Boston Marathon Just Like the Real Thing If the Real Thing Were a September Event Held in Kansas and Had One Participant Whose Name Was Gordon

September 14, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man’s Virtual Boston Marathon Just Like the Real Thing If the Real Thing Were a September Event Held in Kansas and Had One Participant Whose Name Was Gordon

“Always a thrill to run Boston,” says veteran marathoner.

Read More
September 14, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Virtual race, Boston Marathon, Kansas, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Cancelation
September 09, 2020

Lab Test Reveals Local Runner Is Actually a Jogger

September 09, 2020/ Mark Remy
Lab Test Reveals Local Runner Is Actually a Jogger

Woman says she’ll “need time to process this.”

Read More
September 09, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Jogging, Joggers, Lab test, Shock
September 08, 2020

Running Elder Tells Youngsters of Things Called ‘Marathons’

September 08, 2020/ Mark Remy
Running Elder Tells Youngsters of Things Called ‘Marathons’

Spellbound children hear tales of large, phlegm-filled gatherings.

Read More
September 08, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Elders, History, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Cancelation
September 02, 2020

Eulogy Glosses Over Runner’s Pathetic PRs

September 02, 2020/ Mark Remy
Eulogy Glosses Over Runner’s Pathetic PRs

Also left unmentioned: Deceased’s numerous DNFs.

Read More
September 02, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
PR, Eulogy, Death, Funeral
August 31, 2020

Nike Manager Makes ‘Nike Zoom’ Joke for 20th Consecutive Zoom Meeting

August 31, 2020/ Mark Remy
Nike Manager Makes ‘Nike Zoom’ Joke for 20th Consecutive Zoom Meeting

Time-worn wisecrack met with polite smiles.

Read More
August 31, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Real
Group runs, Awkward video, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Nike, Zoom
August 26, 2020

Man Can't Remember Last Time Wife Initiated a Run

August 26, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man Can't Remember Last Time Wife Initiated a Run

Local couple “used to run together every day.”

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August 26, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Motivation, Satire
Couple, Marriage, Desire, Metaphors
August 24, 2020

For First Time Ever, NYC Marathon Is Double-Canceled

August 24, 2020/ Mark Remy
For First Time Ever, NYC Marathon Is Double-Canceled

“It is not a decision that we took lightly,” say organizers.

Read More
August 24, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Cancelation, New York City Marathon, Double
August 21, 2020

Number of Running Podcasts Surpasses Number of Actual Runners

August 21, 2020/ Mark Remy
Number of Running Podcasts Surpasses Number of Actual Runners

Trend shows no signs of slowing, says industry group.

Read More
August 21, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Podcasts, Media, Statistics
August 17, 2020

Motorist Furious With Runner Crossing Street, in Crosswalk, With WALK Sign

August 17, 2020/ Mark Remy
Motorist Furious With Runner Crossing Street, in Crosswalk, With WALK Sign

Driver cannot believe crap she has to deal with.

Read More
August 17, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Motorists, Pedestrian safety, WALK sign, Crosswalk, Temerity, Anger, Get off the road
August 14, 2020

With Local Marathon Canceled, Residents Scramble to Find Something Else to Bitch About This Fall

August 14, 2020/ Mark Remy
With Local Marathon Canceled, Residents Scramble to Find Something Else to Bitch About This Fall

Couple seek some other outlet for resentment and anger.

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August 14, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Cancelation, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Bitching, Moaning
August 11, 2020

Bacon Detected

August 11, 2020/ Mark Remy
Bacon Detected

Aroma prompts conversation about bacon.

Read More
August 11, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Smell, Bacon, Hunger, Mmm
August 07, 2020

Insecure Bear Wants to Maul Runner But Worries He’ll Screw It Up

August 07, 2020/ Mark Remy
Insecure Bear Wants to Maul Runner But Worries He’ll Screw It Up

As creature dithers, runner vanishes around a bend.

Read More
August 07, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Bear, Trail running, Mauling, Insecurity
July 27, 2020

Local Runner Unnerved to Get 'Official Race Photos' 1 Week After Virtual Marathon

July 27, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Unnerved to Get 'Official Race Photos' 1 Week After Virtual Marathon

Email includes shots from six locations, including man’s home.

Read More
July 27, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Virtual race, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Marathons, Race photos, MarathonFoto
July 21, 2020

Marine Corps Marathon Cancelation Shocks Local Imbecile

July 21, 2020/ Mark Remy
Marine Corps Marathon Cancelation Shocks Local Imbecile

Mouth-breathing runner “didn’t see this coming.”

Read More
July 21, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marine Corps Marathon, Cancelation, Coronavirus, COVID-19, News
July 20, 2020

Adults-Only Phone Line Promises Runners ‘Hot Marathon Action’ at $1.99 Per Minute

July 20, 2020/ Mark Remy
Adults-Only Phone Line Promises Runners ‘Hot Marathon Action’ at $1.99 Per Minute

1-900-CORRAL-ME staffed by out-of-work race directors “waiting for your call.”

Read More
July 20, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Adults only, 900 number, Marathons, Social distancing, Phone, Hot action
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    • "Was It Fun? A Dumb Runner Comics Collection"
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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