Eulogy Glosses Over Runner’s Pathetic PRs
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A eulogy delivered for a local man Tuesday described the deceased as a loving husband, devoted family man, and passionate lifelong runner but left unmentioned the man’s shockingly slow personal records, Dumb Runner has learned.
Rufus Brint-Meekus, 76, died last week after a long illness. According to several sources and online records, Brint-Meekus spent decades as a runner, stretching back at least to 1979, when he ran his first marathon.
Yet despite those years of experience, during which he ran scores of races from 5K to 50K, Brint-Meekus’s PRs were “really super pathetic,” said a close friend who requested anonymity.
“Rufus really should have been faster, especially in his prime,” the friend said. “I mean, I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but sheesh.”
The friend declined to get into specifics, saying that he “wouldn’t want to cause [Brint-Meekus’s] family more grief.”
The man who gave the eulogy, Derek Sulander, 72, a longtime friend and running partner of Brint-Meekus, conceded in an interview that his speech glossed over his late friend’s PRs.
“That was intentional,” he said. “I didn’t see any reason to mention the man’s lackluster personal best times.”
“For that matter,” he continued, “I also didn’t mention his numerous DNFs. And I do mean numerous.”
Sulander noted that he thought his old friend would have appreciated the gesture—and, by the way, the torpid pace of the funeral procession to the cemetery.
“The cemetery was about 3 miles away,” he said, “and it took us, like, an hour to get there.”
“So. Freaking. Slow.”
