Adults-Only Phone Line Promises Runners ‘Hot Marathon Action’ at $1.99 Per Minute
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An adults-only phone line targeting frustrated distance runners is offering “hot marathon action” for $1.99 per minute, Dumb Runner has learned.
The number, 1-900-CORRAL-ME, is staffed by out-of-work race directors and course marshals from running clubs across the U.S., all described as “full of pent-up energy, just like you, and waiting for your call.”
That line is an allusion to the coronavirus pandemic, which has prompted a wave of race cancelations, especially among large marathons, leaving hundreds of thousands of runners disappointed and listless. The CORRAL-ME phone service aims to capitalize on that.
Curious, Dumb Runner recently called the number and spoke with “Gina,” who described herself as race director for a mid-size marathon in the midwest.
“Hey there,” Gina said in a near-whisper. “I’ve got a crowded starting corral here. It’s so packed full of people. Wanna squeeze in? Oh yeah… just like that.”
Gina stressed that there was no need for things like distancing and face masks.
“Go ahead,” she said. “Blow your snot rocket.”
“Oh!” she squealed. “You got some on my shoe!”
The dialog continued for several minutes, including a rendition of the National Anthem and chit-chat about tapering, the race elevation profile, and shoes and gear.
“What are you wearing?” asked Gina. “Short shorts? I love it.”
She then described an imaginary field of thousands of runners “all around me, so close, like everything is normal,” and moaned for more than 90 seconds, culminating in a scream.
“Sorry,” she purred. “It’s just been so long since I’ve had this.”
Gina ended the call by predicting that we would both be sore tomorrow, and noting that CORRAL-ME offers group rates.
