Adults-Only Phone Line Promises Runners ‘Hot Marathon Action’ at $1.99 Per Minute
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Local Man Wonders Whether He’ll Ever Be Able to Return to Using Running as Pretext for Meeting Strangers for Anonymous Sex in Wooded Areas
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“Runner” yearns to get back to normal.
Read MoreGroup of 7 Adult Runners Apparently All Live Together, Which Must Be Cool
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“What other explanation could there be?” asks witness.
Read MoreMan Misses Time When He Could Just Pick Up Phone, Plan Long Run With Friends, Then Bail at Last Minute
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Unreliable local runner eager for a return to normal.
Read MoreNYC Marathon: 2020 Race Will Go On, But Only For This One Guy From Brooklyn
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Ending weeks of speculation, organizers announce field size of one.
Read MorePedestrian Careful to Stay 6 Feet From Anyone She Happens to Notice
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“I’m super-conscious of social distancing,” says local woman.
Read MoreLocal Man Cancels Marathon in Backyard, Refuses to Give Self Refund
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Terms and conditions were clearly spelled out in handwritten waiver, runner tells self.
Read MoreFamily on Sidewalk Forms Impenetrable Wall of Flesh
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Mother, father, children walk five abreast, show no signs of yielding.
Read More‘Sure, That’s a Nice, Safe Distance,’ Says Report From National Academy of Sarcastic Public Health Experts
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Group of wise-ass professionals calls social-distancing efforts “just perfect.”
Read MoreHigh-Fiving Runners Apparently Have Lost Their Goddamn Minds
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