Insecure Bear Wants to Maul Runner But Worries He’ll Screw It Up
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istockphoto.com
A local bear badly wants to maul a runner on a local trail but can’t bring himself to do it, worried that he’ll somehow botch the attack.
The bear, a grizzly named Bryan, watched from behind a tree as the unnamed runner passed by, a source told Dumb Runner, torn between his deepest primal instincts to give chase and his own crippling anxiety.
“What if I mess up?” the creature reportedly told himself. “What if I try to maul this guy but just wind up scratching him?”
“What if I begin my charge and trip over a root or something and fall flat on my face?” he continued. “I’d never live it down.”
“What if everyone laughs at me?”
Bryan, an adult male who stands nearly 7 feet tall and weighs roughly 390 pounds, could easily catch and kill an average trail runner, experts said, especially with the element of surprise. His own bear friends have told him as much, according to a source. But the creature’s insecurity remains.
“Bryan is just super unsure of himself,” said the source. “He’s the kind of bear who, when someone spells his name B-R-I-A-N, he doesn’t correct them because he doesn’t want to cause trouble.”
“He hates confrontation.”
The source said that Bryan had finally decided to go after his prey when he looked up and realized the runner had disappeared around a bend.
Bryan sighed and loped away.
