With Local Marathon Canceled, Residents Scramble to Find Something Else to Bitch About This Fall
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Every September for the past two decades, George and Martha Albee could count on one thing: The running of the Woolf (Virginia) Marathon, whose course went right past their home on a quiet, leafy street.
This year, however, the event has been canceled, like so many others, due to the coronavirus—leaving the couple scrambling to find something else to bitch about.
“It will be strange, for sure,” said George Albee. “We’ve lived here for 20 years, and every fall, like clockwork, race day would arrive and Martha and I would complain about it—the noise, the road closures, the trash.”
“All these entitled runners!” Martha Albee said.
“Yes,” said George. “Those entitled runners.”
The couple’s complaints took the form of angry letters to the editor before and after the event, griping to neighbors, and glaring at spectators and participants on race day. At least once each year, George recalled, he confronts a race marshal who makes him wait to pull his car out of his driveway.
“With the marathon canceled,” said George, “Race day will be just like any other day. I’m not sure what we’ll do.”
Martha said she’s confident they can find some other outlet for the resentment and anger that the couple has accrued over the years of their deeply unhappy marriage. Possibly, she suggested, some children will stray onto their perfectly manicured lawn, or they will catch a stranger leaving a flyer at their door, despite the NO SOLICITING sign.
“Maybe we can order some food,” offered George, “and scream at the delivery person if something is missing. Try to get him fired.”
“We’ll find some way to express our bitterness, I guess,” said Martha, patting her husband’s hand. “We always do.”
