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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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January 10, 2022

Amid COVID Surge, Race Director Taking ‘Every Possible Precaution’ to Protect Health and Safety of Profits

January 10, 2022/ Mark Remy
Amid COVID Surge, Race Director Taking ‘Every Possible Precaution’ to Protect Health and Safety of Profits

Event organizer seeks to reassure public.

Read More
January 10, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Protocols, Race director
January 03, 2022

Local Runner’s 2022 Resolutions Include Signing Up For Marathon, Training for Marathon, Making Travel Arrangements for Marathon, Doing Virtual Race, Alone, When Marathon Gets Canceled

January 03, 2022/ Mark Remy
Local Runner’s 2022 Resolutions Include Signing Up For Marathon, Training for Marathon, Making Travel Arrangements for Marathon, Doing Virtual Race, Alone, When Marathon Gets Canceled

“I got this,” says woman.

Read More
January 03, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Marathons, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Virtual race, Goals
November 03, 2021

Boston Marathon Says Runners in 2022 Must Be Vaccinated or Raise at Least $5,000 for Charity

November 03, 2021/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathon Says Runners in 2022 Must Be Vaccinated or Raise at Least $5,000 for Charity

Exemption rankles purists, delights vaccine holdouts.

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November 03, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Boston Marathon, Vaccines, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Marathons, Charity
October 06, 2021

Barred From Kissing Boston Marathoners, Wellesley Students Will Instead Kiss Each Other, Playfully at First, According to Man’s Imagination

October 06, 2021/ Mark Remy
Barred From Kissing Boston Marathoners, Wellesley Students Will Instead Kiss Each Other, Playfully at First, According to Man’s Imagination

Tentative exploration will quickly lead to full-blown passion, straight male runner assumes.

Read More
October 06, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Boston Marathon, Wellesley, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Hot action
August 30, 2021

Boston Marathon Finish Line Volunteers Will Skip Traditional Open-Mouthed Kisses This Year, Organizers Say

August 30, 2021/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathon Finish Line Volunteers Will Skip Traditional Open-Mouthed Kisses This Year, Organizers Say

B.A.A. suspends longtime custom over COVID fears.

Read More
August 30, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Boston Marathon, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Medals, Kiss
August 18, 2021

Chicago Marathon’s COVID Restrictions Present Dilemma for Local Jackass

August 18, 2021/ Mark Remy
Chicago Marathon’s COVID Restrictions Present Dilemma for Local Jackass

Avid runner faces choice: Obey event’s rules, or cling to ill-informed beliefs.

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August 18, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Chicago Marathon, Vaccines, Jackassery
June 03, 2021

New CDC Guidelines Say Vaccinated Runners May Resume Blowing Snot on Whoever Happens to Be Nearby

June 03, 2021/ Mark Remy
New CDC Guidelines Say Vaccinated Runners May Resume Blowing Snot on Whoever Happens to Be Nearby

Federal agency OKs practice of “rapid nasal mucus dispersal.”

Read More
June 03, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Snot, Science
April 26, 2021

Local Runner Fears Lack of Talent and Discipline Will Dash His Olympic Dreams

April 26, 2021/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Fears Lack of Talent and Discipline Will Dash His Olympic Dreams

“I’ve been training so hard,” says man. “Well, I mean, not that hard. But still.”

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April 26, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Tokyo, Olympics, Talent
March 03, 2021

Virtual Pikes Peak Marathon Will Let Runners Race Up and Down Any 14,115-Foot Mountain

March 03, 2021/ Mark Remy
Virtual Pikes Peak Marathon Will Let Runners Race Up and Down Any 14,115-Foot Mountain

“All you need is the entry fee, a GPS watch, and a 14,115-foot mountain.”

Read More
March 03, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Pikes Peak, Virtual race, COVID-19, Coronavirus
February 22, 2021

Local Runner Vows Not to Resume In-Person Racing Until He Can Convince Himself Through Contorted, Self-Serving Rationalizations That It's Safe

February 22, 2021/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Vows Not to Resume In-Person Racing Until He Can Convince Himself Through Contorted, Self-Serving Rationalizations That It's Safe

Man says he’ll rely on flawed logic and cherrypicked “facts” to make decision.

Read More
February 22, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Real
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Cancelation
February 01, 2021

Organizers of Schrödinger Marathon Say 2021 Race Is Canceled and Still On

February 01, 2021/ Mark Remy
Organizers of Schrödinger Marathon Say 2021 Race Is Canceled and Still On

Runners struggle with apparent paradox.

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February 01, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Schrödinger, Cats, Paradox, Marathons, Cancelation, COVID-19, Coronavirus
December 28, 2020

INSPIRATIONAL: With All Her Races Canceled, She Abandoned Running and Took Up Cycling

December 28, 2020/ Mark Remy
INSPIRATIONAL: With All Her Races Canceled, She Abandoned Running and Took Up Cycling

“Even when things look bleak,” says former runner, “there’s always a way through.”

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December 28, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Race, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Cancelation, Cycl, Adaptation, Inspiration
December 09, 2020

Nuun Calls Trials of Vaccine-Flavored Tablets 'Very Promising'

December 09, 2020/ Mark Remy
Nuun Calls Trials of Vaccine-Flavored Tablets 'Very Promising'

Company says first doses could be ready in months.

Read More
December 09, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Nutrition, Satire
Nuun, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Fizzy color, Science, Hydration, Marketing
November 20, 2020

Last-Minute Entrant Excited for 58th Annual JFK 50 Mile

November 20, 2020/ Mark Remy
Last-Minute Entrant Excited for 58th Annual JFK 50 Mile

“I love big events,” says bespectacled competitor.

Read More
November 20, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Ultras, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Clumsy disguise, Not funny
October 05, 2020

White House Doctor Admits Trump Did Not 'Snag Top 10 Finish' in London Marathon

October 05, 2020/ Mark Remy
White House Doctor Admits Trump Did Not 'Snag Top 10 Finish' in London Marathon

Conley walks back upbeat statement from previous news conference.

Read More
October 05, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Donald Trump, London Marathon
September 14, 2020

Man’s Virtual Boston Marathon Just Like the Real Thing If the Real Thing Were a September Event Held in Kansas and Had One Participant Whose Name Was Gordon

September 14, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man’s Virtual Boston Marathon Just Like the Real Thing If the Real Thing Were a September Event Held in Kansas and Had One Participant Whose Name Was Gordon

“Always a thrill to run Boston,” says veteran marathoner.

Read More
September 14, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Virtual race, Boston Marathon, Kansas, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Cancelation
September 08, 2020

Running Elder Tells Youngsters of Things Called ‘Marathons’

September 08, 2020/ Mark Remy
Running Elder Tells Youngsters of Things Called ‘Marathons’

Spellbound children hear tales of large, phlegm-filled gatherings.

Read More
September 08, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Elders, History, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Cancelation
August 31, 2020

Nike Manager Makes ‘Nike Zoom’ Joke for 20th Consecutive Zoom Meeting

August 31, 2020/ Mark Remy
Nike Manager Makes ‘Nike Zoom’ Joke for 20th Consecutive Zoom Meeting

Time-worn wisecrack met with polite smiles.

Read More
August 31, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Real
Group runs, Awkward video, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Nike, Zoom
August 24, 2020

For First Time Ever, NYC Marathon Is Double-Canceled

August 24, 2020/ Mark Remy
For First Time Ever, NYC Marathon Is Double-Canceled

“It is not a decision that we took lightly,” say organizers.

Read More
August 24, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Cancelation, New York City Marathon, Double
August 14, 2020

With Local Marathon Canceled, Residents Scramble to Find Something Else to Bitch About This Fall

August 14, 2020/ Mark Remy
With Local Marathon Canceled, Residents Scramble to Find Something Else to Bitch About This Fall

Couple seek some other outlet for resentment and anger.

Read More
August 14, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Cancelation, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Bitching, Moaning
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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