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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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March 23, 2023

Rookie Podiatrist Throws Up at First Look at Marathoner’s Feet

March 23, 2023/ Mark Remy
Rookie Podiatrist Throws Up at First Look at Marathoner’s Feet

“You see photos in textbooks,” says man, “but it’s not the same.”

Read More
March 23, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Podiatry, Feet, Marathons, Terror, Nausea
March 20, 2023

Conspiracy Theorist Discovers Tracking Device in Marathon Bib Number

March 20, 2023/ Mark Remy
Conspiracy Theorist Discovers Tracking Device in Marathon Bib Number

“They’re watching you literally every step of the way,” man says.

Read More
March 20, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Bib number, Conspiracy theories, Marat, Surveillance state, Paranoia
March 17, 2023

Local Runner Breaks Stroller Record at Barkley Marathons

March 17, 2023/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Breaks Stroller Record at Barkley Marathons

Baby daughter “slept through a lot of it,” man says.

Read More
March 17, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Barkley Marathons, Stroller, Course records, Parenthood
March 15, 2023

Speaker Using Marathon Metaphor Has Clearly Never Run a Marathon

March 15, 2023/ Mark Remy
Speaker Using Marathon Metaphor Has Clearly Never Run a Marathon

Man betrays ignorance to large audience.

Read More
March 15, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Public speaking, Marathons, Metaphors
March 09, 2023

Dumb Runner Illustrated #76: 'Implicit'

March 09, 2023/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #76: 'Implicit'

Statistics are a love language, too.

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March 09, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Pedestrian safety, Motorists, Traffic, Death, Love
March 08, 2023

Shirley Jackson Marathon Announces Lottery ‘Winners’

March 08, 2023/ Mark Remy
Shirley Jackson Marathon Announces Lottery ‘Winners’

Race director flooded with desperate protests.

Read More
March 08, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
References, Lott, Marathons, Death, Shirley Jackson, Stones
February 24, 2023

Dumb Runner Illustrated #75: 'Anthem'

February 24, 2023/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #75: 'Anthem'

Shit!

Read More
February 24, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Porta potty, Racing, Starter pistol, Dreams, Anxiety
February 22, 2023

Report: Local Runner Has Nothing in Ears

February 22, 2023/ Mark Remy
Report: Local Runner Has Nothing in Ears

Lack of earbuds leaves onlookers mystified.

Read More
February 22, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Earbuds, Headphones, Distraction, Technology, Awareness
February 16, 2023

Dumb Runner Illustrated #74: 'Travel'

February 16, 2023/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #74: 'Travel'

What gave it away?

Read More
February 16, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Air travel, Marathons, Small Talk, Gear
February 08, 2023

First Comment on Article About Trans Athletes Exactly What Local Runner Expected

February 08, 2023/ Mark Remy
First Comment on Article About Trans Athletes Exactly What Local Runner Expected

“Oh my God,” woman says. “Ugh.”

Read More
February 08, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Comments, Facebook, Ugh, Transgender athletes, Bigotry
January 30, 2023

HARSH! This Runner Got a 10-Year Ban From Competition Just Because No One Likes Him Very Much

January 30, 2023/ Mark Remy
HARSH! This Runner Got a 10-Year Ban From Competition Just Because No One Likes Him Very Much

Officials concede man didn’t break any rules.

Read More
January 30, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Racing, Bans, Race director, Harsh, Likability
January 27, 2023

Dumb Runner Illustrated #73: 'Best'

January 27, 2023/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #73: 'Best'

See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?

Read More
January 27, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Gear, News, Satire
New Shoes, Best, Running stores
January 25, 2023

Woman Promises Husband He’ll Make New Running Friends Where They're Moving

January 25, 2023/ Mark Remy
Woman Promises Husband He’ll Make New Running Friends Where They're Moving

Man counters that he doesn’t want new running friends.

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January 25, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Friends, Moving, Consolation, Sad
January 23, 2023

Officials Find ‘No Evidence’ That George Santos Ever Won Boston Marathon

January 23, 2023/ Mark Remy
Officials Find ‘No Evidence’ That George Santos Ever Won Boston Marathon

Debunked claim is the latest among many for embattled U.S. Representative.

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January 23, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Lies, Politics, Boston Marathon
January 20, 2023

Dumb Runner Illustrated #72: 'Parade'

January 20, 2023/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #72: 'Parade'

Honest mistake!

Read More
January 20, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Comics, Marathons, Signs, Spectator, Parades
January 16, 2023

Strava Explains Recent Price Hike: ‘We Want More Money’

January 16, 2023/ Mark Remy
Strava Explains Recent Price Hike: ‘We Want More Money’

Company releases statement in response to confusion, backlash.

Read More
January 16, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Strava, Money
January 13, 2023

Dumb Runner Illustrated #71: 'Massage'

January 13, 2023/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #71: 'Massage'

Wait—are we talking Phillips head, or the regular kind?

Read More
January 13, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Massage, Pain, Masochism
January 11, 2023

Diverse Running Club Includes Whites From Variety of Backgrounds

January 11, 2023/ Mark Remy
Diverse Running Club Includes Whites From Variety of Backgrounds

Group has members “of both genders,” from middle class to upper-middle class.

Read More
January 11, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Race, Diversity, Running club
January 04, 2023

Sign Makes No Mention of Humans, Desperate Runner Notes

January 04, 2023/ Mark Remy
Sign Makes No Mention of Humans, Desperate Runner Notes

Local man spends 90 mysterious seconds behind bushes.

Read More
January 04, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Dogs, Poop, Yard signs, Spurious logic
December 21, 2022

The Most Popular Dumb Runner Articles of 2022

December 21, 2022/ Mark Remy
The Most Popular Dumb Runner Articles of 2022

Spoiler: Y’all seem to love raking triathletes over the coals.

Read More
December 21, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Real, Satire, News
2022, Most Popular
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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