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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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April 24, 2025

Dumb Runner Illustrated #127: 'Foul'

April 24, 2025/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #127: 'Foul'

Just watch your step.

Read More
April 24, 2025/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Foul, Mara, Racing
April 10, 2025

Dumb Runner Illustrated #126: 'Half'

April 10, 2025/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #126: 'Half'

But you didn’t hear it from me.

Read More
April 10, 2025/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Half-marathon, Racing, Comics, Watercooler
January 23, 2025

Handsome Runner Skates Through Marathon on His Looks

January 23, 2025/ Mark Remy
Handsome Runner Skates Through Marathon on His Looks

Local man has it easy, say less-attractive runners.

Read More
January 23, 2025/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Looks, Handsome runner, Racing, Marathons
September 16, 2024

Local Lumbering Oaf Takes First Place in 5K's Lumbering Oaf Division

September 16, 2024/ Mark Remy
Local Lumbering Oaf Takes First Place in 5K's Lumbering Oaf Division

Shambling man out-lumbers fellow oaf to finish line.

Read More
September 16, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Racing, 5K, Lumbering, Oaf
September 04, 2024

Ladies Can’t Help But Notice Local Runner’s Leg Muscles, Local Runner Imagines

September 04, 2024/ Mark Remy
Ladies Can’t Help But Notice Local Runner’s Leg Muscles, Local Runner Imagines

Man subtly flexes calves for benefit of onlookers.

Read More
September 04, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
PR, Ladies, Racing, Attraction
January 10, 2024

Local Runner Thrilled for Friend Who Just Ran 1:40 Half-Marathon on ‘No Training’

January 10, 2024/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Thrilled for Friend Who Just Ran 1:40 Half-Marathon on ‘No Training’

“Good for you,” woman tells non-runner.

Read More
January 10, 2024/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Half-marathon, Racing, Friends, Resentment
November 13, 2023

Local Dog’s Race Photos Way Better Than Yours

November 13, 2023/ Mark Remy
Local Dog’s Race Photos Way Better Than Yours

“Like, by a lot,” says source.

Read More
November 13, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Race photos, Dogs, Racing, Good boy
November 08, 2023

‘I Race to Compete With Myself,’ Says Man Who, Days Ago, Almost Puked Trying to Beat Total Stranger to Finish Line at Local 5K

November 08, 2023/ Mark Remy
‘I Race to Compete With Myself,’ Says Man Who, Days Ago, Almost Puked Trying to Beat Total Stranger to Finish Line at Local 5K

Local runner was vying for 67th place.

Read More
November 08, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Racing, Goals, Competition, Self awareness
June 07, 2023

Local Runner Found Guilty of Lining Up Near 7:00/Mile Banner at Half-Marathon Start When He Can’t Run Anywhere Near a 7-Minute Mile

June 07, 2023/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Found Guilty of Lining Up Near 7:00/Mile Banner at Half-Marathon Start When He Can’t Run Anywhere Near a 7-Minute Mile

Man is first to be tried under strict new law.

Read More
June 07, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Racing, Pace, Court, Guilt
February 24, 2023

Dumb Runner Illustrated #75: 'Anthem'

February 24, 2023/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #75: 'Anthem'

Shit!

Read More
February 24, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Porta potty, Racing, Starter pistol, Dreams, Anxiety
January 30, 2023

HARSH! This Runner Got a 10-Year Ban From Competition Just Because No One Likes Him Very Much

January 30, 2023/ Mark Remy
HARSH! This Runner Got a 10-Year Ban From Competition Just Because No One Likes Him Very Much

Officials concede man didn’t break any rules.

Read More
January 30, 2023/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Racing, Bans, Race director, Harsh, Likability
October 20, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #66: 'Carbon'

October 20, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #66: 'Carbon'

Everyone’s doing it.

Read More
October 20, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Shoes, Carbon plates, Technology, Racing, Parenthood
February 23, 2022

New Extreme Race Series Will Challenge Participants to Run Entire 5K Without Phones

February 23, 2022/ Mark Remy
New Extreme Race Series Will Challenge Participants to Run Entire 5K Without Phones

Event adds “diabolical” twist to traditional race distance.

Read More
February 23, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Racing, 5K, Smartphone, Distraction, Extreme
August 04, 2021

Ironman Finisher Goes 5 Days Without Mentioning It, Shattering Previous Record

August 04, 2021/ Mark Remy
Ironman Finisher Goes 5 Days Without Mentioning It, Shattering Previous Record

Local man sets a high bar for fellow triathletes.

Read More
August 04, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Ironman, Triathlon, Talk, Shut up, Racing
May 19, 2021

Marathon’s COVID Vaccine Requirement Just Like Nazi Germany, Says Man Who Doesn’t Know Anything About Anything

May 19, 2021/ Mark Remy
Marathon’s COVID Vaccine Requirement Just Like Nazi Germany, Says Man Who Doesn’t Know Anything About Anything

“I thought we lived in a Free Country,” dullard writes in Facebook comment.

Read More
May 19, 2021/ Mark Remy/
News, Real, Satire
Vaccines, Marathons, Racing, COVID-19
June 17, 2020

14 Ways to Make Your Virtual Marathon More Realistic

June 17, 2020/ Mark Remy
14 Ways to Make Your Virtual Marathon More Realistic

E.g., Hire a lawyer to write a 12,000-word waiver for your event, then sign without reading it.

Read More
June 17, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Virtual race, Marathons, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Racing
April 25, 2020

Virtual Race Leads to Real Injury

April 25, 2020/ Mark Remy
Virtual Race Leads to Real Injury

“There’s nothing remote about this pain,” says local runner.

Read More
April 25, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Injuries, Racing, Virtual race, Coronavirus, COVID-19
July 15, 2019

Course Marshal Watching Turnaround Point Traffic Cone Like a Fucking Hawk

July 15, 2019/ Mark Remy
Course Marshal Watching Turnaround Point Traffic Cone Like a Fucking Hawk

Unblinking volunteer ensures integrity of half-marathon.

Read More
July 15, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Racing, Cheating, Bullhorn, Vigilance
June 19, 2019

Woman a Little Too Pleased With Herself for Leaving Old Guy in Dust

June 19, 2019/ Mark Remy
Woman a Little Too Pleased With Herself for Leaving Old Guy in Dust

Mismatch in health, fitness is apparent even to casual observers.

Read More
June 19, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Racing, Youth, Ravages of age, Passing
April 28, 2019

Farah Regrets Running London Marathon With Hand Weights

April 28, 2019/ Mark Remy
Farah Regrets Running London Marathon With Hand Weights

Fifth-place finisher calls decision ”foolish” in hindsight.

Read More
April 28, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
London Marathon, Mo Farah, Hand weights, Regret, Racing, Eliud Kipchoge
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    • "Was It Fun? A Dumb Runner Comics Collection"
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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