Dumb Runner Illustrated #127: 'Foul'
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Handsome Runner Skates Through Marathon on His Looks
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Local man has it easy, say less-attractive runners.
Read MoreLocal Lumbering Oaf Takes First Place in 5K's Lumbering Oaf Division
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Shambling man out-lumbers fellow oaf to finish line.
Read MoreLadies Can’t Help But Notice Local Runner’s Leg Muscles, Local Runner Imagines
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Man subtly flexes calves for benefit of onlookers.
Read MoreLocal Runner Thrilled for Friend Who Just Ran 1:40 Half-Marathon on ‘No Training’
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“Good for you,” woman tells non-runner.
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‘I Race to Compete With Myself,’ Says Man Who, Days Ago, Almost Puked Trying to Beat Total Stranger to Finish Line at Local 5K
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Local runner was vying for 67th place.
Read MoreLocal Runner Found Guilty of Lining Up Near 7:00/Mile Banner at Half-Marathon Start When He Can’t Run Anywhere Near a 7-Minute Mile
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Man is first to be tried under strict new law.
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HARSH! This Runner Got a 10-Year Ban From Competition Just Because No One Likes Him Very Much
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Officials concede man didn’t break any rules.
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New Extreme Race Series Will Challenge Participants to Run Entire 5K Without Phones
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Event adds “diabolical” twist to traditional race distance.
Read MoreIronman Finisher Goes 5 Days Without Mentioning It, Shattering Previous Record
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Local man sets a high bar for fellow triathletes.
Read MoreMarathon’s COVID Vaccine Requirement Just Like Nazi Germany, Says Man Who Doesn’t Know Anything About Anything
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“I thought we lived in a Free Country,” dullard writes in Facebook comment.
Read More14 Ways to Make Your Virtual Marathon More Realistic
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E.g., Hire a lawyer to write a 12,000-word waiver for your event, then sign without reading it.
Read MoreVirtual Race Leads to Real Injury
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“There’s nothing remote about this pain,” says local runner.
Read MoreCourse Marshal Watching Turnaround Point Traffic Cone Like a Fucking Hawk
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Unblinking volunteer ensures integrity of half-marathon.
Read MoreWoman a Little Too Pleased With Herself for Leaving Old Guy in Dust
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Mismatch in health, fitness is apparent even to casual observers.
Read MoreFarah Regrets Running London Marathon With Hand Weights
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