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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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August 31, 2020

Nike Manager Makes ‘Nike Zoom’ Joke for 20th Consecutive Zoom Meeting

August 31, 2020/ Mark Remy
Nike Manager Makes ‘Nike Zoom’ Joke for 20th Consecutive Zoom Meeting

Time-worn wisecrack met with polite smiles.

Read More
August 31, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Real
Group runs, Awkward video, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Nike, Zoom
August 26, 2020

Man Can't Remember Last Time Wife Initiated a Run

August 26, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man Can't Remember Last Time Wife Initiated a Run

Local couple “used to run together every day.”

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August 26, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Motivation, Satire
Couple, Marriage, Desire, Metaphors
August 24, 2020

For First Time Ever, NYC Marathon Is Double-Canceled

August 24, 2020/ Mark Remy
For First Time Ever, NYC Marathon Is Double-Canceled

“It is not a decision that we took lightly,” say organizers.

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August 24, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Cancelation, New York City Marathon, Double
August 21, 2020

Number of Running Podcasts Surpasses Number of Actual Runners

August 21, 2020/ Mark Remy
Number of Running Podcasts Surpasses Number of Actual Runners

Trend shows no signs of slowing, says industry group.

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August 21, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Podcasts, Media, Statistics
August 17, 2020

Motorist Furious With Runner Crossing Street, in Crosswalk, With WALK Sign

August 17, 2020/ Mark Remy
Motorist Furious With Runner Crossing Street, in Crosswalk, With WALK Sign

Driver cannot believe crap she has to deal with.

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August 17, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Motorists, Pedestrian safety, WALK sign, Crosswalk, Temerity, Anger, Get off the road
August 14, 2020

With Local Marathon Canceled, Residents Scramble to Find Something Else to Bitch About This Fall

August 14, 2020/ Mark Remy
With Local Marathon Canceled, Residents Scramble to Find Something Else to Bitch About This Fall

Couple seek some other outlet for resentment and anger.

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August 14, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Cancelation, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Bitching, Moaning
August 07, 2020

Insecure Bear Wants to Maul Runner But Worries He’ll Screw It Up

August 07, 2020/ Mark Remy
Insecure Bear Wants to Maul Runner But Worries He’ll Screw It Up

As creature dithers, runner vanishes around a bend.

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August 07, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Bear, Trail running, Mauling, Insecurity
July 27, 2020

Local Runner Unnerved to Get 'Official Race Photos' 1 Week After Virtual Marathon

July 27, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Unnerved to Get 'Official Race Photos' 1 Week After Virtual Marathon

Email includes shots from six locations, including man’s home.

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July 27, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Virtual race, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Marathons, Race photos, MarathonFoto
July 21, 2020

Marine Corps Marathon Cancelation Shocks Local Imbecile

July 21, 2020/ Mark Remy
Marine Corps Marathon Cancelation Shocks Local Imbecile

Mouth-breathing runner “didn’t see this coming.”

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July 21, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marine Corps Marathon, Cancelation, Coronavirus, COVID-19, News
July 20, 2020

Adults-Only Phone Line Promises Runners ‘Hot Marathon Action’ at $1.99 Per Minute

July 20, 2020/ Mark Remy
Adults-Only Phone Line Promises Runners ‘Hot Marathon Action’ at $1.99 Per Minute

1-900-CORRAL-ME staffed by out-of-work race directors “waiting for your call.”

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July 20, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Adults only, 900 number, Marathons, Social distancing, Phone, Hot action
July 14, 2020

Marine Corps Marathon 'Proceeding as Planned,' Says Race Director From Remote Jungle Compound

July 14, 2020/ Mark Remy
Marine Corps Marathon 'Proceeding as Planned,' Says Race Director From Remote Jungle Compound

“Are my methods unsound?” Kurtz wonders aloud.

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July 14, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Kurtz, Marine Corps Marathon, Cancelation, Heart of Darkness, Apocalypse Now
July 13, 2020

Florida Governor Offers to Host Chicago Marathon

July 13, 2020/ Mark Remy
Florida Governor Offers to Host Chicago Marathon

Sunshine State is “the perfect place” for recently canceled event, says a coughing DeSantis.

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July 13, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Chicago Marathon, Florida, Fox News, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Cancelation, Marathons
July 10, 2020

Marine Corps Marathon Organizers Unveil Safety Plan for Grand Piano Plummeting From High Rise

July 10, 2020/ Mark Remy
Marine Corps Marathon Organizers Unveil Safety Plan for Grand Piano Plummeting From High Rise

Afternoon walk is “proceeding as planned,” they say.

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July 10, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Marine Corps Marathon, Cancelation, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Marathons, Race director, Cartoon violence, Tiny umbrella
July 10, 2020

Virtual Race Expo Gives Local Runner Chance to Navigate Dense Virtual Crowd to Purchase Official $18 Shot Glass

July 10, 2020/ Mark Remy
Virtual Race Expo Gives Local Runner Chance to Navigate Dense Virtual Crowd to Purchase Official $18 Shot Glass

“Wow,” says man from living room. “It’s like I’m there.”

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July 10, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Virtual race, Expo, Coronavirus, COVID-19
July 07, 2020

Marine Corps Marathon ‘Proceeding as Planned’ as Asteroid Casts Shadow Over Entire Eastern Seaboard

July 07, 2020/ Mark Remy
Marine Corps Marathon ‘Proceeding as Planned’ as Asteroid Casts Shadow Over Entire Eastern Seaboard

Organizers “implementing safety measures” for October event.

Read More
July 07, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marine Corps Marathon, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Cancelation, Marathons, Asteroids, Extinction event
July 03, 2020

Every Running Event in the World Canceled Forever

July 03, 2020/ Mark Remy
Every Running Event in the World Canceled Forever

“You know what?” says global group of race directors. “Fuck it.”

Read More
July 03, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Cancelation, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Race director
July 01, 2020

Couple Still Laughing Over Guy Who Screamed ‘Run, Forrest!’ at Them

July 01, 2020/ Mark Remy
Couple Still Laughing Over Guy Who Screamed ‘Run, Forrest!’ at Them

Bystander’s wisecrack provides endless amusement.

Read More
July 01, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Laughter, Fun run, Ha ha
June 29, 2020

Generous Runner Shares His Music With Everyone in 30-Foot Radius

June 29, 2020/ Mark Remy
Generous Runner Shares His Music With Everyone in 30-Foot Radius

Bluetooth speaker enables act of selflessness.

Read More
June 29, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Gear
Running with music, Generosity, Bluetooth
June 25, 2020

'Let's See Where This Goes,' Says Chicago Marathon Director From Parallel Universe He's Been Living in Since Mid-February

June 25, 2020/ Mark Remy
'Let's See Where This Goes,' Says Chicago Marathon Director From Parallel Universe He's Been Living in Since Mid-February

Race still on for now, but news is being “carefully monitored.”

Read More
June 25, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Chicago Marathon, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Parallel universe
June 22, 2020

Cowbells Aren’t Just for Marathons, Says Marketer Sitting on Warehouse Full of Unsold Product

June 22, 2020/ Mark Remy
Cowbells Aren’t Just for Marathons, Says Marketer Sitting on Warehouse Full of Unsold Product

Metallic noisemakers have any number of uses, insists nation’s largest manufacturer.

Read More
June 22, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Cowbells, Blue Öyster Cult, Marathons, Cancelation, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Bruce Dickinson
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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