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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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November 09, 2022

Physicists Baffled by Reports of Runners ‘Coming Out of Nowhere’

November 09, 2022/ Mark Remy
Physicists Baffled by Reports of Runners ‘Coming Out of Nowhere’

Experts say incidents appear to violate basic laws of matter.

Read More
November 09, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Distraction, Pedestrian safety, Motorists, Physics
November 03, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #68: 'Furnace'

November 03, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #68: 'Furnace'

Fuel me once, shame on you…

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November 03, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Ice cream, Strudel, Fueling, Furnace, Metaphors
October 31, 2022

Salazar Tells Trick-or-Treater She’d Be Spookier if She 'Dropped a Few Pounds'

October 31, 2022/ Mark Remy
Salazar Tells Trick-or-Treater She’d Be Spookier if She 'Dropped a Few Pounds'

Disgraced coach gives child candy, advice.

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October 31, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Halloween, Candy, Alberto Salazar, Weight loss, Old habits
October 27, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #67: 'Chunks'

October 27, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #67: 'Chunks'

Anything to distract from the pain.

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October 27, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Motivation
Comics, Marathons, Mental tricks, Chunky, Money
October 26, 2022

5 Dumb Runner Halloween Costumes That Absolutely Nobody Will Get

October 26, 2022/ Mark Remy
5 Dumb Runner Halloween Costumes That Absolutely Nobody Will Get

Including “Inept Running Coach,” this season’s hottest running-related getup.

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October 26, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Halloween, Costumes, Esoterica
October 20, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #66: 'Carbon'

October 20, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #66: 'Carbon'

Everyone’s doing it.

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October 20, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Shoes, Carbon plates, Technology, Racing, Parenthood
October 19, 2022

Report: You Have Got to Be F***ing Kidding Local Runner

October 19, 2022/ Mark Remy
Report: You Have Got to Be F***ing Kidding Local Runner

“Oh come on,” woman adds.

Read More
October 19, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News
Porta potty, Locks, Poop, Pee, Oh come on
October 17, 2022

Runners Can Tell From Way He Fires Starter Pistol That Race Director’s Heart Just Not In It Anymore

October 17, 2022/ Mark Remy
Runners Can Tell From Way He Fires Starter Pistol That Race Director’s Heart Just Not In It Anymore

Man “barely managed to pull the trigger” at weekend event.

Read More
October 17, 2022/ Mark Remy/
October 13, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #65: 'Support'

October 13, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #65: 'Support'

She ran Thursday, though, right? …Right?!?

Read More
October 13, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Support, Group therapy, Guilt
October 10, 2022

German Man Seeking Lost Chicago Marathon Medal 'Really Creeping People Out,' Sources Say

October 10, 2022/ Mark Remy
German Man Seeking Lost Chicago Marathon Medal 'Really Creeping People Out,' Sources Say

“I was, like, holy shit.”

Read More
October 10, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Medals, Chicago Marathon, Germany, I Hate These Guys
October 07, 2022

9 SEO-Friendly Tips for Running the Chicago Marathon

October 07, 2022/ Mark Remy
9 SEO-Friendly Tips for Running the Chicago Marathon

Use this insider info for your best Chicago Marathon ever.

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October 07, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Real, News
Chicago Marathon, Motivation, Marathons
October 05, 2022

With Marathon Just Days Away, Nothing Can Stop Highly Trained Runner Now Except Minor Cold, Sprained Ankle, or Any of a Dozen Other Common Chance Occurrences

October 05, 2022/ Mark Remy
With Marathon Just Days Away, Nothing Can Stop Highly Trained Runner Now Except Minor Cold, Sprained Ankle, or Any of a Dozen Other Common Chance Occurrences

“The hay is in the barn,” says local woman.

Read More
October 05, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Taper, Injuries, Sickness
October 03, 2022

NYC Marathon Lottery Winners to Get Choice of 1 Mile Per Year Over 26 Years or One-Time Payout of 26 Miles

October 03, 2022/ Mark Remy
NYC Marathon Lottery Winners to Get Choice of 1 Mile Per Year Over 26 Years or One-Time Payout of 26 Miles

It’s uncertain whether other World Marathon Majors events will follow suit.

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October 03, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
New York City Marathon, Lottery, Choices
September 30, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #64: 'Play'

September 30, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #64: 'Play'

“MAKE-BELIEVE STREETS ARE MADE FOR TOY CARS!”

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September 30, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Comics, Children, Motorists, Pedestrian safety, Parenthood, Rage
September 25, 2022

Cocky Kipchoge Pauses Halfway Through Berlin Marathon for Haircut

September 25, 2022/ Mark Remy
Cocky Kipchoge Pauses Halfway Through Berlin Marathon for Haircut

Defending champ skips shampoo and rinse.

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September 25, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Berlin Marathon, Haircut, Eliud Kipchoge, Tortoise, Hare
September 23, 2022

19 Useful German Phrases for Runners Doing the Berlin Marathon

September 23, 2022/ Mark Remy
19 Useful German Phrases for Runners Doing the Berlin Marathon

Sprechen sie Kipchoge?

Read More
September 23, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Berlin Marathon, Germany, Foreign language, Useful phrases, Translation
September 21, 2022

Driver Who Broke Runner’s Spine in Three Places Praised for Waiting Around Until Help Arrived

September 21, 2022/ Mark Remy
Driver Who Broke Runner’s Spine in Three Places Praised for Waiting Around Until Help Arrived

Police, local reporters applaud motorist for “remaining on the scene.”

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September 21, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Motorists, Pedestrian safety, Praise, Media, Police
September 19, 2022

Man Spends Final 8 Miles of Marathon Regretting Every Decision That Led to Final 8 Miles of Marathon

September 19, 2022/ Mark Remy
Man Spends Final 8 Miles of Marathon Regretting Every Decision That Led to Final 8 Miles of Marathon

Every step is a painful reminder of runner’s folly.

Read More
September 19, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Regret, Pain, Why
September 16, 2022

Dumb Runner Illustrated #63: 'Denial'

September 16, 2022/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #63: 'Denial'

He can quit anytime he wants!

Read More
September 16, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Comics, Marathons, Addiction, Relationships, Denial, Early bird
September 12, 2022

Local Man Used to Run, But Then, You Know, His Knees

September 12, 2022/ Mark Remy
Local Man Used to Run, But Then, You Know, His Knees

Septuagenarian gestures vaguely in direction of joints.

Read More
September 12, 2022/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Jogging, Former runners, Knees
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  • Running 101/
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    • "Was It Fun? A Dumb Runner Comics Collection"
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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