Physicists Baffled by Reports of Runners ‘Coming Out of Nowhere’
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Experts are mystified by continued reports that joggers and runners are suddenly materializing in the nation’s streets and roads, Dumb Runner has learned, startling motorists who then inevitably hit them with their vehicles.
“It contradicts all we know about physical matter and the very nature of existence,” said James Doohan, Ph.D., a professor of physics at Roddenberry College. “One moment, these pedestrians are nowhere near these vehicles, and the next moment—poof!—there they are.”
Such collisions occur with alarming frequency, records show; an incident that happened earlier this week in Riverside, Iowa followed the usual pattern.
“I was just driving along, obeying the speed limit and paying strict attention to everything outside of my vehicle, as usual,” said Khan Singh, 39, a motorist who was on his way to work early Monday morning. “And then this jogger comes out of nowhere, darts right in front of me.”
Singh struck the jogger, a man in his late 50s, breaking his leg and hip and causing multiple contusions.
“It was so weird,” Singh said. “How does a full-grown adult just, you know… appear out of thin air?”
It’s a question that may never be answered, Doohan said.
“Are these [joggers and runners] using some sort of wormhole to travel from some other location into the path of moving vehicles?” he speculated. “Are they being teleported somehow? Is a cosmic hiccup in the space-time continuum to blame?”
“It’s an enigma, to be sure.”
Asked whether motorists should respond to this trend by driving with more care and, perhaps, discontinuing use of phones while behind the wheel, Doohan said no.
“When people are just coming out of nowhere,” he said, “there’s really nothing you, as a motorist, can do to avoid hitting them.”
He paused.
“I would, however, advise pedestrians to wear brighter clothing.”
