5 Dumb Runner Halloween Costumes That Absolutely Nobody Will Get
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Friends, the stores are full of holiday displays, wrapping paper, and Christmas tree ornaments, which can mean only one thing—Halloween is almost here!
If you're still looking for a costume and you really want to "stand out from the crowd," i.e. to “wear something that's incomprehensibly obscure and inspired by Dumb Runner articles from the past 12 months,” well... Here are a few suggestions.
Happy Halloween.
Inept Running Coach
Is your Twitter account for real, or a scary-good parody? Who knows!
WHAT IT IS: A very online self-described running coach who routinely dispenses advice so laughably weird and misguided, you suspect the whole thing is a gag.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Short blond wig; green baseball cap; jacket or coat with crazy-ass print; troll doll; vacant smile; bottle of SOAD.
WHAT YOU WILL NOT NEED: A bag or pail for trick-or-treating, because you will NOT be accepting candy, which is POISON, the only correct amount of candy is NO CANDY.
SOURCE: NEW! Ask an Inept Running Coach
“Former Runner” Magazine Cover
Print is dead, which makes it perfect for Halloween!
WHAT IT IS: An oversized cover of Former Runner magazine, starring you.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: A poster-board-sized version of the Former Runner magazine cover, as pictured above; scissors to cut out the cover model’s face; straps or harness of some kind to keep the cover in place, freeing your hands for candy taking and candy eating.
Motorist Experiencing Minor Inconvenience
You’re in the driver’s seat—and you can barely contain your rage!
WHAT IT IS: The operator of a motor vehicle, infuriated by the small group of runners causing him to slow down for a few moments.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: A steering wheel (can be a real one or homemade, but must be strong enough to withstand an evening’s worth of intense gripping); prescription bottle full of “blood pressure medicine” (I suggest Tic Tacs) that you can angrily take every few minutes; mouth guard to protect your teeth from all that grinding. Optional: Smartphone to hold in one hand.
Frankenstein’s Monster at Packet Pickup
A Dumb Runner twist on a Halloween classic!
WHAT IT IS: A standard Frankenstein’s monster (not Frankenstein!), complete with green skin makeup, too-small dark jacket, and bolt through neck, but outfitted for a trip to the race expo.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Frankenstein’s monster costume, running shoes, reusable tote with CLIF logo, ideally containing CLIF Ginger Ale Flavor chews. Optional: Homemade race packet with large “M” in one corner.
Thoughtful Male Stranger on Isolated Trail
Perhaps the creepiest Dumb Runner costume idea yet!
WHAT IT IS: Simply put, a male runner—but a male runner running directly behind a female runner. IMPORTANT: This is a couples costume, and it requires a willing and consensual partner.
WHAT YOU'LL NEED: Trail shoes, aura of male privilege, a willing and consensual partner.
SOURCE: Thoughtful Stranger Decides to Run Right Behind Woman on Isolated Trail So She’ll Feel Less Alone
