Local Lumbering Oaf Takes First Place in 5K's Lumbering Oaf Division
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A local lumbering oaf won the lumbering oaf division at a 5K over the weekend, Dumb Runner has learned.
The gallumphing hulk, identified only as “Big Dominick,” 38, finished the race in a time of 1 hour 4 minutes 33 seconds, out-lumbering the second-place oaf by just a 3 seconds in a clumsy, lurching effort that spectators described as “really something to see.”
In a postrace interview, the good-natured schlub, who can never seem to get out of his own way, described himself as an avid lumberer and said that this was his first ever lumbering oaf division award.
“Aw, gee,” said the stumbling, bumbling goofball. “Buh.”
