Out-of-Shape Kipchoge Balloons to 122 Pounds
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Man Misses Time When He Could Just Pick Up Phone, Plan Long Run With Friends, Then Bail at Last Minute
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Unreliable local runner eager for a return to normal.
Read MoreNYC Marathon: 2020 Race Will Go On, But Only For This One Guy From Brooklyn
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Ending weeks of speculation, organizers announce field size of one.
Read MoreReport: F*** It, 3 Miles Fine For Today
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Study also concludes now not too early for a beer.
Read MoreRunning Store Closures Leave Millions Unable to Get Fitted, Try Shoes on Before Ordering From Zappos
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“It’s such a pain,” says local runner.
Read MoreINSPIRATIONAL: Crafty Runner Turns Finisher Medals Into Face Masks for Health Care Workers
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Donation leaves staff at local hospital “speechless.”
Read MoreMan Driving to Walmart for Doritos Disgusted With Selfish Person Out For a Run
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“What the hell does she think she’s doing?” mutters motorist.
Read MoreAdorable Child Still Believes in Tooth Fairy, Unicorns, 2020 Fall Marathons
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Girl’s faith “cute” but also heartbreaking, says father.
Read MoreVirtual Race Leads to Real Injury
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“There’s nothing remote about this pain,” says local runner.
Read MoreNike Denies Kipchoge’s Request to Work From Home
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World champion marathoner not sure why he still has to go to office every day.
Read MorePedestrian Careful to Stay 6 Feet From Anyone She Happens to Notice
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“I’m super-conscious of social distancing,” says local woman.
Read MoreLocal Runner’s Girlfriend Sick of Hearing How Everything Is Marathon, Not Sprint
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In week five of lockdown, live-in partner understands metaphor all too well.
Read MoreLocal Misogynist Fed Up With Trying to Harass Female Runners Through Face Mask
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“Half the time, they can’t even hear me,” man complains.
Read MoreLocal Man Cancels Marathon in Backyard, Refuses to Give Self Refund
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Terms and conditions were clearly spelled out in handwritten waiver, runner tells self.
Read MoreNew Guidelines Recommend Staying 30 Feet Away from Bad Science, Sloppy Reporting
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Report shows bad information travels farther than previously thought.
Read MoreQuarantined Race Director Stays Sharp With Daily Starter Pistol Practice
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Neighbors seem to love it, local man says.
Read MoreFamily on Sidewalk Forms Impenetrable Wall of Flesh
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Mother, father, children walk five abreast, show no signs of yielding.
Read MoreIn Spirit of Goodwill, Motorist Gives Runner One Middle Finger Instead of Usual Two
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Driver swept up in moment of compassion and empathy.
Read More‘Sure, That’s a Nice, Safe Distance,’ Says Report From National Academy of Sarcastic Public Health Experts
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Group of wise-ass professionals calls social-distancing efforts “just perfect.”
Read MoreHigh-Fiving Runners Apparently Have Lost Their Goddamn Minds
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