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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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March 18, 2020

High-Fiving Runners Apparently Have Lost Their Goddamn Minds

March 18, 2020/ Mark Remy
High-Fiving Runners Apparently Have Lost Their Goddamn Minds

Total lunatics treat skin-on-skin contact like it’s no big deal.

Read More
March 18, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
COVID-19, Coronavirus, High-five, Social distancing
March 16, 2020

Virus on Baton Can’t Believe How Easy This Is

March 16, 2020/ Mark Remy
Virus on Baton Can’t Believe How Easy This Is

Pathogen recognizes aptness of metaphor.

Read More
March 16, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Track meets, Baton, Metaphors, Disbelief
March 13, 2020

Local Runner Can’t Believe Race Canceled Just Because of Fast-Spreading Global Health Emergency For Which Nation Is Woefully Unprepared

March 13, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Can’t Believe Race Canceled Just Because of Fast-Spreading Global Health Emergency For Which Nation Is Woefully Unprepared

“Oh come on!” says exasperated man.

Read More
March 13, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Race, Cancelation, Perspective
March 09, 2020

Olympic Medalist Tests Positive for Dope Moves

March 09, 2020/ Mark Remy
Olympic Medalist Tests Positive for Dope Moves

Out-of-competition testing also detects presence of sick beats.

Read More
March 09, 2020/ Mark Remy/
February 27, 2020

Local Runner Bluffs Way Through 10-Minute Conversation on Olympic Marathon Trials

February 27, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Bluffs Way Through 10-Minute Conversation on Olympic Marathon Trials

Man joins banter, masking ignorance of topic.

Read More
February 27, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Olympics, Olympic Marathon Trials, Bluffing
February 18, 2020

World Health Organization Pivots to Treat Runners Affected by Tokyo Marathon Cancellation

February 18, 2020/ Mark Remy
World Health Organization Pivots to Treat Runners Affected by Tokyo Marathon Cancellation

Global health agency diverts funds, personnel to address new challenge.

Read More
February 18, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
WHO, Global health, Epidemic, Marathons, Tokyo, Perspective, COVID-19, Coronavirus
February 17, 2020

McGillivray Cites ‘Can’t-Miss’ Dentist Appointment in Explaining New Date for 2020 Boston Marathon

February 17, 2020/ Mark Remy
McGillivray Cites ‘Can’t-Miss’ Dentist Appointment in Explaining New Date for 2020 Boston Marathon

Longtime race director regrets scheduling snafu.

Read More
February 17, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Boston Marathon, Dentist, Dave McGillivray, Scheduling conflict
February 03, 2020

Panicked Kipchoge Can’t Find His Vaporflys

February 03, 2020/ Mark Remy
Panicked Kipchoge Can’t Find His Vaporflys

“They’re super expensive!” says increasingly frantic world champion.

Read More
February 03, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Gear
Eliud Kipchoge, Nike, Vaporfly, Panic
January 27, 2020

Auto Industry Urges Congress to Raise Pedestrian Heights

January 27, 2020/ Mark Remy
Auto Industry Urges Congress to Raise Pedestrian Heights

Makers of trucks and SUVs point to spike in deaths, injuries.

Read More
January 27, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Auto industry, SUVs, Trucks, Pedestrian safety, Traffic, Motorists
January 22, 2020

Guy You Just Met Doesn’t Even Like to Drive 26.2 Miles

January 22, 2020/ Mark Remy
Guy You Just Met Doesn’t Even Like to Drive</em> 26.2 Miles

Jokester amuses self, others with wry observation.

Read More
January 22, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Jokes, Marathons, LOL
January 20, 2020

New Iowa Law Lets Runners Roll Through Stop Signs

January 20, 2020/ Mark Remy
New Iowa Law Lets Runners Roll Through Stop Signs

Advocacy groups applaud “common sense” legislation.

Read More
January 20, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Laws, Stop signs, Rolling, Wheee
January 15, 2020

Surprisingly Well-Informed Motorist Screams at Runner to Get Off Road, Shorten Stride Length, Trade Jacket for Vest

January 15, 2020/ Mark Remy
Surprisingly Well-Informed Motorist Screams at Runner to Get Off Road, Shorten Stride Length, Trade Jacket for Vest

Driver balances hostility with constructive criticism.

Read More
January 15, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Motorists, Anger, Screaming, Get off the road, Traffic, Advice
January 08, 2020

Beach Runner Executes Flawless Grand Jeté Over Pile of Medical Waste

January 08, 2020/ Mark Remy
Beach Runner Executes Flawless Grand Jeté</em> Over Pile of Medical Waste

Washed-up detritus stands in contrast with moment of balletic grace.

Read More
January 08, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Beach running, Ballet, Detritus, Medical waste, Leaping
December 30, 2019

How Was Your Year in Running? Answer These Questions and We'll Tell You!

December 30, 2019/ Mark Remy
How Was Your Year in Running? Answer These Questions and We'll Tell You!

Calculate your RunWorth™ score and you’ll know exactly where you stand.

Read More
December 30, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
2019, RunWorth™, Data
December 24, 2019

Year in Review: Dumb Runner’s 12 Most Popular Articles of 2019

December 24, 2019/ Mark Remy
Year in Review: Dumb Runner’s 12 Most Popular Articles of 2019

Don’t ask me why, but you guys seemed to love these.

Read More
December 24, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
2019, Most Popular
December 18, 2019

Satan Pleased With Success of ‘Holiday Run’ Campaign

December 18, 2019/ Mark Remy
Satan Pleased With Success of ‘Holiday Run’ Campaign

“It’s all proceeding according to plan,” says Prince of Darkness.

Read More
December 18, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Holidays, Christmas, Satan, Devil, Underworld, Skype, God, Jesus
December 12, 2019

Runner Accused of Sex Assault Says He ‘Got Caught Up in the Moment’ and ‘Acted on Instincts Honed by Decades of Being a Man in a Society That Emboldens Us to Degrade and Demean Women With Impunity'

December 12, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner Accused of Sex Assault Says He ‘Got Caught Up in the Moment’ and ‘Acted on Instincts Honed by Decades of Being a Man in a Society That Emboldens Us to Degrade and Demean Women With Impunity'

Man in viral video explains his actions.

Read More
December 12, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
News, Sexual assault, Live TV, Men, Excuses
December 09, 2019

Simple Thing Is Actually Super Complicated, According to Health and Fitness Media

December 09, 2019/ Mark Remy
Simple Thing Is Actually Super Complicated, According to Health and Fitness Media

Never fear, same sources say—they are here to help.

Read More
December 09, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Complicated, Media, Nutrition, Gear, Training
November 29, 2019

Hospitalized Thanksgiving Day Runner Found to Have 0.375 Blood Gravy Level

November 29, 2019/ Mark Remy
Hospitalized Thanksgiving Day Runner Found to Have 0.375 Blood Gravy Level

Odd behavior, slurred speech preceded collapse, witnesses say.

Read More
November 29, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Thanksgiving, Turkey trot, Gravy
November 18, 2019

14 'You So Dumb...' Jokes for Runners

November 18, 2019/ Mark Remy
14 'You So Dumb...' Jokes for Runners

How dumb are you, nameless runner? You so dumb…

Read More
November 18, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Jokes, Dumb, Running humor
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  • Running 101/
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    • "Was It Fun? A Dumb Runner Comics Collection"
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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