Year in Review: Dumb Runner’s 12 Most Popular Articles of 2019
/
Photo by RUN 4 FFWPU from Pexels
Hello Friends,
Well, 2019 has been some year, hasn’t it? From start to finish, it’s been 12 months of you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up absurdity. Did I let that daunt me? Readers, I did not. I looked 2019’s headlines square in the eye*, rolled up my sleeves, flexed my fingers, and took a nap.
When I woke up, refreshed, I got to work creating satire in a world where the line between satire and reality has blurred beyond all distinction.
Did NATHAN really launch a line of formal hydration vests? No. (Right?) Did Chef Boyardee really pull the plug on its rollout of Alberto Salazar-endorsed Testosteroni? Of course not! (But then again…) Did Eliud Kipchoge really defend his decision to use an electric scooter for part of his historic sub-2:00 marathon effort? (At least a few folks out there thought he did, and responded with disgust.)
Speaking of disgust: Below you’ll find the 12 most popular Dumb Runner articles from the past year, as measured by page views. (Note that not all of these were actually published in 2019.) I’m sharing each one here with a bit of commentary from me.
Thank you for reading. Thanks especially to those of you who support my work with pledges and donations. You make all this possible.
Yours Truly,
Mark
* Yes, headlines have eyes. Most laypeople don’t know that.
12. Man Can't Tell If New HOKA Shoe Real or Joke
From July 2018: In which a running store customer puzzles over a "hypermaximalist" shoe by HOKA called the STRATO-LOFT. (Spoiler alert: It’s a joke.)
11. Man Brightens Woman’s Day With Order to Smile
From July: Doesn’t every woman love it when a man tells her to smile? BTW, the names in this one—Elaine Dickinson and Steve McCroskey—are from 1980’s Airplane!
10. Man's Running Shoes Expire in Middle of 5K
From September 2018: I take the notion that running shoes must be replaced “every XX miles” to its logical conclusion. Best reader comment: “You call yourself a journalist you SOB? Expired running shoes.... expired... like friggin produce?? Shoes are shoes. They tear up but there are no catastrophic failures! Get a real job and start taking yourself seriously.”
9. The Only 3 Things You Need to Know to Begin Running (Really)
From January 2017: One of the rare serious articles you’ll find on DumbRunner.com. (Seriously.)
8. Man Can’t Decide Whether to Go For Run or Give Up Running Altogether and Embrace Inevitable Slide Into Decay and Decline
From November: We’ve all been there, haven’t we?
7. Woman Immediately Regrets Asking Date if He's Ever Run a Marathon
From May 2017: A perennial favorite, not least (in my opinion) because of the spot-on stock photo.
6. Three Vendors Still Missing in Barkley Marathons 32,000-Acre Unmarked Race Expo
From April: The Barkley Marathons gets a ton of attention each year, deservedly so, for its insanely brutal course. This year I decided to spare a thought for the poor vendors who must navigate the event’s sprawling, rugged expo.
5. In Total Coincidence, Man Picks Up Pace at Exact Moment Woman Tries to Pass
From November 2018: Another post that many women seemed to relate to. Every negative comment I saw on this one came from a man, which I’m sure was another total coincidence.
4. Monument on Boston Marathon Course Marks Exact Spot Where Kathrine Switzer's Uterus Fell Out
From April 2018: Part of Dumb Runner’s comprehensive Boston Marathon coverage.
3. Eleven Terrible Jokes for Runners
From July 2017: This one keeps showing up on my Most Popular lists, despite the fact that I’ve published at least four similar joke collections since this one. Funny.
2. GU Rolls Out Seafood-Inspired Flavors
From January: This one generated approximately 5 billion “puking” emoji reactions on social media—slightly more than Dumb Runner’s average!
1. Kipchoge Debates Buying Race Photos vs. Just Sharing Watermarked Versions
From October: This year’s most popular article racked up a stunning number of page views, relatively speaking, in just a matter of days. (I’ve wondered for years whether elites get these postrace emails from MarathonFoto, et al.)
READ THE FULL ARTICLE
Can You Help Me Out?
Reading Dumb Runner is free, but creating it is not. Your pledges & donations help me keep creating this stuff—all original and ad-free.
