Virus on Baton Can’t Believe How Easy This Is
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A virus on a relay baton marveled at its good fortune Sunday at a high school track, amazed at the speed and ease with which one runner passed it along to another.
“I can’t believe how easy this is,” the infectious agent thought to itself. “I mean, this is ridiculous.”
The baton, a 12-inch aluminum tube, proved an ideal vehicle for the virus, which can survive for days on such a surface. A group of 12 runners had met at the track, in defiance of state guidelines to avoid public gatherings, for an impromptu training session. The runners, mostly members of the school’s track team, shared video of the workout on Instagram with the hashtags #undefeated and #unafraid.
Shortly before the workout began, one runner coughed into his hand, depositing the virus onto his index finger. Almost immediately afterward, he picked up the baton, transferring the virus to its surface.
Within minutes, the runner had passed the baton—and the virus—to another team member. Soon after, that team member passed it to another.
Even the virus, with its microscopic size and severely limited mental capacities, could recognize the aptness of the metaphor.
“You can’t make this shit up,” thought the pathogen, wanting to shake its head but unable to do so because it lacks a head.
Reached for comment, the runners dismissed threats of any virus, saying that they were all young and healthy.
“You’ve gotta live your life,” said one. “I think this whole [outbreak scare] is way overblown.”
Elderly, sick, and immune-compromised relatives, friends, and neighbors of the runners could not be reached for comment.
