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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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July 07, 2020

Marine Corps Marathon ‘Proceeding as Planned’ as Asteroid Casts Shadow Over Entire Eastern Seaboard

July 07, 2020/ Mark Remy
Marine Corps Marathon ‘Proceeding as Planned’ as Asteroid Casts Shadow Over Entire Eastern Seaboard

Organizers “implementing safety measures” for October event.

Read More
July 07, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marine Corps Marathon, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Cancelation, Marathons, Asteroids, Extinction event
July 03, 2020

Every Running Event in the World Canceled Forever

July 03, 2020/ Mark Remy
Every Running Event in the World Canceled Forever

“You know what?” says global group of race directors. “Fuck it.”

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July 03, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Cancelation, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Race director
July 01, 2020

Couple Still Laughing Over Guy Who Screamed ‘Run, Forrest!’ at Them

July 01, 2020/ Mark Remy
Couple Still Laughing Over Guy Who Screamed ‘Run, Forrest!’ at Them

Bystander’s wisecrack provides endless amusement.

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July 01, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Laughter, Fun run, Ha ha
June 29, 2020

Generous Runner Shares His Music With Everyone in 30-Foot Radius

June 29, 2020/ Mark Remy
Generous Runner Shares His Music With Everyone in 30-Foot Radius

Bluetooth speaker enables act of selflessness.

Read More
June 29, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Gear
Running with music, Generosity, Bluetooth
June 25, 2020

'Let's See Where This Goes,' Says Chicago Marathon Director From Parallel Universe He's Been Living in Since Mid-February

June 25, 2020/ Mark Remy
'Let's See Where This Goes,' Says Chicago Marathon Director From Parallel Universe He's Been Living in Since Mid-February

Race still on for now, but news is being “carefully monitored.”

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June 25, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Chicago Marathon, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Parallel universe
June 22, 2020

Cowbells Aren’t Just for Marathons, Says Marketer Sitting on Warehouse Full of Unsold Product

June 22, 2020/ Mark Remy
Cowbells Aren’t Just for Marathons, Says Marketer Sitting on Warehouse Full of Unsold Product

Metallic noisemakers have any number of uses, insists nation’s largest manufacturer.

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June 22, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Cowbells, Blue Öyster Cult, Marathons, Cancelation, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Bruce Dickinson
June 17, 2020

14 Ways to Make Your Virtual Marathon More Realistic

June 17, 2020/ Mark Remy
14 Ways to Make Your Virtual Marathon More Realistic

E.g., Hire a lawyer to write a 12,000-word waiver for your event, then sign without reading it.

Read More
June 17, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Virtual race, Marathons, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Racing
June 15, 2020

Organizers of 'Confederate General and First Grand Wizard of KKK Nathan Bedford Forrest Memorial Marathon' Consider Name Change

June 15, 2020/ Mark Remy
Organizers of 'Confederate General and First Grand Wizard of KKK Nathan Bedford Forrest Memorial Marathon' Consider Name Change

“Something shorter would be easier to remember,” says race director.

Read More
June 15, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Racism, Marathons, News, Race
June 10, 2020

Runner Slaps Hood of Car, Prompting Long and Thoughtful Discussion With Driver

June 10, 2020/ Mark Remy
Runner Slaps Hood of Car, Prompting Long and Thoughtful Discussion With Driver

For two strangers, interaction yields empathy and perspective.

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June 10, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Motorists, Get off the road, Dialog, Pedestrian safety
June 08, 2020

Exclusive: 2020 Boston Marathon Is Back On, But It’s Happening Tomorrow So Get There ASAP

June 08, 2020/ Mark Remy
Exclusive: 2020 Boston Marathon Is Back On, But It’s Happening Tomorrow So Get There ASAP

“Hurry!” says a spokesperson.

Read More
June 08, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Boston Marathon, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Marathons, Dave McGillivray
June 08, 2020

Local Man Wonders Whether He’ll Ever Be Able to Return to Using Running as Pretext for Meeting Strangers for Anonymous Sex in Wooded Areas

June 08, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Man Wonders Whether He’ll Ever Be Able to Return to Using Running as Pretext for Meeting Strangers for Anonymous Sex in Wooded Areas

“Runner” yearns to get back to normal.

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June 08, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social distancing, Sexual liberation, Wooded area
June 01, 2020

Man Cleaning Theragun Accidentally Massages Self in Thigh

June 01, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man Cleaning Theragun Accidentally Massages Self in Thigh

Alcohol was a factor, sources say.

Read More
June 01, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Safety, Theragun control, Massage, Accidents, Recovery
May 27, 2020

Man Has That Weird Dream Again Where He Runs Marathon Without Incident on Scheduled Date and Everything Is Fine

May 27, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man Has That Weird Dream Again Where He Runs Marathon Without Incident on Scheduled Date and Everything Is Fine

“So bizarre,” runner says upon waking.

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May 27, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Dreams, Marathons, Surreal, Coronavirus, COVID-19
May 20, 2020

Group of 7 Adult Runners Apparently All Live Together, Which Must Be Cool

May 20, 2020/ Mark Remy
Group of 7 Adult Runners Apparently All Live Together, Which Must Be Cool

“What other explanation could there be?” asks witness.

Read More
May 20, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Real, Satire, News, Training
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social distancing, Running club, Group runs, Selfish
May 18, 2020

Dirty Running Shorts Enter 9th Week in Dark Gym Locker

May 18, 2020/ Mark Remy
Dirty Running Shorts Enter 9th Week in Dark Gym Locker

Funky athletic wear left in a moist, balled-up heap.

Read More
May 18, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Shorts, Gym, Funk, Stink, Smell
May 16, 2020

Thinking About Coronavirus Can Transmit It to Others, Says New Study, So You May Have Infected Someone Just by Reading This

May 16, 2020/ Mark Remy
Thinking About Coronavirus Can Transmit It to Others, Says New Study, So You May Have Infected Someone Just by Reading This

Head masks, or “hats,” might help, researchers say.

Read More
May 16, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Research, Hopelessness
May 15, 2020

Spartan Race Series Adds New ‘EXTREME VENTILATOR’ Obstacle

May 15, 2020/ Mark Remy
Spartan Race Series Adds New ‘EXTREME VENTILATOR’ Obstacle

“Devilish” challenge will debut at recently announced June event.

Read More
May 15, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Spartan, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Ventilator, Myopia
May 14, 2020

Wisconsin Running Club Celebrates Return to Complacency

May 14, 2020/ Mark Remy
Wisconsin Running Club Celebrates Return to Complacency

Runners embrace state’s premature reopening—and each other.

Read More
May 14, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Running club, Group runs, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Complacency, Myopia
May 13, 2020

CDC Recommends Face Masks Whenever Somebody Lets One Rip

May 13, 2020/ Mark Remy
CDC Recommends Face Masks Whenever Somebody Lets One Rip

Modern farts pack an olfactory punch unknown to previous generations, health agency says.

Read More
May 13, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Face masks, CDC, Public health, Fart, Flatulence, Air quality
May 13, 2020

Out-of-Shape Kipchoge Balloons to 122 Pounds

May 13, 2020/ Mark Remy
Out-of-Shape Kipchoge Balloons to 122 Pounds

Marathon world record holder has “really let himself go,” sources say.

Read More
May 13, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Eliud Kipchoge, Weight, Fitness
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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