Spartan Race Series Adds New ‘EXTREME VENTILATOR’ Obstacle
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One day after announcing a return to its racing schedule with a mass event June 13-14 in Jacksonville, Florida, Spartan Race, Inc. today unveiled a new obstacle that participants will have to negotiate: the EXTREME VENTILATOR.
That obstacle, which will entail checking in to an already burdened health care facility for an unknown duration, being intubated, and having a machine breathe for you as you stare at the ceiling wondering whether you’ll ever see your loved ones again, joins Spartan’s already daunting roster of manmade impediments, such as the TYROLEAN TRAVERSE, the INVERTED WALL, and the HERCULES HOIST.
“It’s a devilish, modern twist on our classic obstacles,” said Theodore Bundy, Spartan’s VP of marketing. “Climbing a rope or crawling under barbed wire is one thing; lying on your back with a tube down your throat while an electronically controlled machine functions as your lungs, for days or even weeks, is a whole other level.”
“We’re super stoked,” he added.
The company’s CEO, Joe De Sena, said they expected 4,000 participants per day for the Jacksonville event, despite concerns about the coronavirus. He came under fire for saying to critics, “If you’re too afraid to live a Spartan life due to a virus then you’re already dead.”
As of Friday, May 15, the U.S. had seen 1.45 million confirmed cases of coronavirus, and 86,607 deaths. Testing capacity remains inadequate, and public health experts are warning of a spike in cases as more Americans grow impatient with stay-at-home orders and complacent about social distancing rules.
Athletes who successfully manage the EXTREME VENTILATOR must ring a bell before proceeding to the next obstacle, the MENTAL GYMNASTICATOR. That one involves balancing on shaky ground while trying to rationalize completely irrational behavior.
At least one obstacle racer is eager to test her mettle on the new obstacle.
“I’m excited,” said Emma Vector, 26, a longtime Spartan enthusiast. “Not worried at all about the corona. And you know what? If the worst does happen? At least I’ll die doing what I love—needlessly putting others at risk to satisfy my own selfish impulses.”
“Spartan up!” she exclaimed.
Asked whether Spartan is concerned that the decision to lure thousands of people to a mass event during a pandemic might come back to haunt the company, Bundy said no.
“We have everyone sign a waiver,” he said. “So it’s all good.”
