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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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April 08, 2019

Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for More Bullshit Weather

April 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for More Bullshit Weather

“What, again?” says one runner. “Are you f***ing kidding me?”

Read More
April 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Real, Satire
Weather, Boston Marathon, Bullshit, Forecast
April 07, 2019

Runner Relieved to Learn Motorist Who Hit Him Was Using Phone Hands-Free

April 07, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner Relieved to Learn Motorist Who Hit Him Was Using Phone Hands-Free

Doctors say man may eventually regain use of legs.

Read More
April 07, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Real
Motorists, Safety, Smartphone, Hospital, Science
April 03, 2019

3 Vendors Still Missing in Barkley Marathons 32,000-Acre Unmarked Race Expo

April 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
3 Vendors Still Missing in Barkley Marathons 32,000-Acre Unmarked Race Expo

Reps for GU, KT Tape, and The Stick last seen Saturday.

Read More
April 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Barkley Marathons, Expo, Lost
April 01, 2019

Man Still Haunted by Last Friday's 4.93-Mile Run

April 01, 2019/ Mark Remy
Man Still Haunted by Last Friday's 4.93-Mile Run

“What the hell was I thinking?” runner asks self.

Read More
April 01, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Round numbers, Mileage, Haunted, Training, Anal retentive
March 27, 2019

Running Bad For You, Declares American Council of Aunts, Uncles & Grandparents

March 27, 2019/ Mark Remy
Running Bad For You, Declares American Council of Aunts, Uncles & Grandparents

Ill effects range from ruined knees to heart attack, group says.

Read More
March 27, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Running, Injuries, Heart attack, Advice, Seniors
March 16, 2019

Irish Jogger Finds Dead Leprechaun

March 16, 2019/ Mark Remy
Irish Jogger Finds Dead Leprechaun

Woman discovers “wee man” just before St. Patrick’s Day.

Read More
March 16, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
St. Patrick's Day, Leprechaun, Joggers, Dead body
March 13, 2019

Baby Terrified

March 13, 2019/ Mark Remy
Baby Terrified

Local infant is immobilized and rocketed through alien landscape.

Read More
March 13, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Training
Baby, Terror, Fear, Stroller, Trail running, Mother
March 10, 2019

'Sometimes It's Like You Have a Paywall Around Your Heart,' Girlfriend Tells Runner's World Editor

March 10, 2019/ Mark Remy
'Sometimes It's Like You Have a Paywall Around Your Heart,' Girlfriend Tells Runner's World Editor

Woman unsure she’ll ever earn unlimited access to partner’s inner self.

Read More
March 10, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Runner's World, Paywall, Relationships, Current events, Premium content, Heartbreak, Love
February 20, 2019

Trail Runner Hospitalized After Becoming Overly Stoked

February 20, 2019/ Mark Remy
Trail Runner Hospitalized After Becoming Overly Stoked

California man is stable but unresponsive.

Read More
February 20, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Stoked, Hospital, Safety, Trail running
February 03, 2019

Guest Opinion: If You're Running With Me and It's Freezing and We Get Lost, I Will Not Hesitate to Slice You Open Like a Tauntaun and Warm Myself on Your Steaming Intestines

February 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
Guest Opinion: If You're Running With Me and It's Freezing and We Get Lost, I Will Not Hesitate to Slice You Open Like a Tauntaun and Warm Myself on Your Steaming Intestines

Just so you know.

Read More
February 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Training
Cold, Weather, Star Wars, Tauntauns, Survival, Opinion
January 18, 2019

RunnersWorld.com Homepage Just One Big Affiliate Link

January 18, 2019/ Mark Remy
RunnersWorld.com Homepage Just One Big Affiliate Link

Legacy media brand takes e-commerce to the next level.

Read More
January 18, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Runner's World, Affiliate links, E-commerce, Sad
January 16, 2019

Sexually Awakened Jogger Discovers Own Body

January 16, 2019/ Mark Remy
Sexually Awakened Jogger Discovers Own Body

For local woman, post-workout routine takes a sensual turn.

Read More
January 16, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Sexual liberation, Joggers, Discovery, Sensual pleasure
December 23, 2018

Gift-Giving Aunt Hopes You're 'Still Into Jogging'

December 23, 2018/ Mark Remy
Gift-Giving Aunt Hopes You're 'Still Into Jogging'

Aging relative awaits reaction to Christmas present.

Read More
December 23, 2018/ Mark Remy/
News, Gear, Satire
Holidays, Christmas, Aunts, Gifts
December 12, 2018

'What's the Deal With Blisters?' Runner Asks Stone-Faced Audience at Open Mic Night

December 12, 2018/ Mark Remy
'What's the Deal With Blisters?' Runner Asks Stone-Faced Audience at Open Mic Night

“Is this thing on?” man asks.

Read More
December 12, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Comedy, Standup, Blisters, Running humor, Inside jokes
December 10, 2018

Rolling Stone Gives Meb K Christmas Album 5/5 Stars

December 10, 2018/ Mark Remy
Rolling Stone Gives Meb K Christmas Album 5/5 Stars

“We knew Mr. Keflezighi could run. Who knew he could sing, too?”

Read More
December 10, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Christmas, Holidays, Meb Keflezighi, Swingin' Standards
December 05, 2018

MarathonFoto Launches Chain of Family Portrait Studios

December 05, 2018/ Mark Remy
MarathonFoto Launches Chain of Family Portrait Studios

FamilyFoto will apply the company’s approach to a new market.

Read More
December 05, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Racing, Marathons, MarathonFoto, Race photos
December 03, 2018

What to Say When Your Child Asks If Santa Is Real and Also Why Santa Shat Himself in That Jingle Bell Half-Marathon

December 03, 2018/ Mark Remy
What to Say When Your Child Asks If Santa Is Real and Also Why Santa Shat Himself in That Jingle Bell Half-Marathon

Expert advice on a perennial problem.

Read More
December 03, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Santa Claus, Shitting oneself, Jingle Bell, Holidays, Childlike wonder
November 28, 2018

Newly Discovered Cave Paintings Depict Runners Mocking Jogger

November 28, 2018/ Mark Remy
Newly Discovered Cave Paintings Depict Runners Mocking Jogger

Artwork is earliest known reference to “joggers vs. runners” division.

Read More
November 28, 2018/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Prehistory, Cave paintings, Joggers, Archaeology
November 26, 2018

In Total Coincidence, Man Picks Up Pace at Exact Moment Woman Tries to Pass

November 26, 2018/ Mark Remy
In Total Coincidence, Man Picks Up Pace at Exact Moment Woman Tries to Pass

Runner in trail race chooses completely random moment to dig deep.

Read More
November 26, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Racing, Men, Passing, Ego
November 21, 2018

Guy's Shirt Kind of Brings Whole Turkey Trot Down

November 21, 2018/ Mark Remy
Guy's Shirt Kind of Brings Whole Turkey Trot Down

“MEAT IS MURDER” message casts pall over Thanksgiving 5K.

Read More
November 21, 2018/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Thanksgiving, Meat, Vegetarian
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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