Your gift-bearing aunt hopes you are “still into jogging,” Dumb Runner has learned.
The woman, identified as Aunt Jeanie, expressed the sentiment as she handed you a box in candy-cane-striped wrapping paper at a Christmas Eve get-together at your parents’ place.
Aunt Jeanie, who is actually your great aunt, is proud of you and your marathons, sources said. She also remembers when you were “just this tall.”
The contents of the box remained a mystery at the time of publication, but experts speculated the package could yield a digital pedometer; a matching terrycloth wristbands and headband set; or a six-pack of low-cut cotton socks from Kohl’s.
Last year, one source said, Aunt Jeanie got you a set of ankle weights. The prior year, according to the same source, she got you a DVD of the 1987 Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle The Running Man, mistakingly assuming it was a movie about running. In fact, it is the cautionary tale of a dystopian near-future in which “justice,” bloodlust, and entertainment collide with horrifying results.
The film also stars Jesse Ventura and Richard Dawson.
At last report, you were seen holding the package in your lap with a broad smile that seemed to mask a sense of mild apprehension.
Whatever the box holds, sources predicted you would thank your aunt profusely and give her a hug because Aunt Jeanie means well and is really a very sweet lady.