Baby Terrified

A local baby in a jogging stroller was terrified yesterday morning as her day took a sudden and horrifying turn for the worse, Dumb Runner has learned.

Six-month-old Christina Crawford was home enjoying some “tummy time” on the floor when her mother, Joan, scooped her up, dressed her warmly, and carried her outside. She then strapped the child into a strange machine with wheels. She pulled the straps tight, trapping the baby.

“We’re going for a run!” Joan Crawford told Christina. “Woo woo!”

The child, who does not yet understand English, stared back at her mother.

Joan Crawford steered the stroller through their neighborhood to a nearby wooded trail, leaving behind anything remotely familiar to Christina. Once there, she abruptly increased their pace.

What followed, sources say, was a 30-minute nightmare as Christina was rocketed through an alien landscape, repeatedly trying and failing to find something to focus on and wondering what horrors might follow.

“Isn’t this pretty?” said Joan, panting.

Unable to locate the source of the voice, Christina responded by soiling herself.

Things went from bad to worse, sources say, as the pair reached a particularly bumpy stretch of trail, where the baby was convinced the machine she was strapped into was falling apart.

“Wheee!” said Joan Crawford as they careered down the rocky path. “Fun!”

The run ended back at the Crawford home, not a minute too soon for Christina.

“Wasn’t that great?” Joan Crawford asked her daughter as she unbuckled her. “Let’s do it again tomorrow!”