Irish Jogger Finds Dead Leprechaun

A jogger in Ireland made a gruesome discovery early today, finding a dead leprechaun near a popular running trail on the eve of St. Patrick’s Day.

Mary Katherine Gallagher, of Lorne, County Michael, was jogging alone when she discovered the “wee man,” authorities said, dressed in traditional leprechaun attire including kelly green knickers, a plaid vest, and green bowler hat.

A pot o’ gold was nearby.

The identity of the leprechaun, who was not carrying identification, remains unknown. Police have not released a cause of death, pending a coroner’s exam.

“We’re waiting for results of the autopsy,” said Shannon Molly, chief of police, at a televised news conference. “Or, as we like to call it here in Ireland, the o’topsy.”

“Bit of humor there. You need one in this job.”

He then performed a somber jig, signaling the end of the news conference.

One official, speaking on the condition of anonymity—or, as he put it, “Ann O’Nymity”—said the victim was likely “making mischief” when he died.

“You try never to blame the victim,” he said, “but these little buggers, bless ‘em, they’re always brewing up some shenanigans.”