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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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June 03, 2020

Instead of Writing Something Funny, I Made a Pirate Ship With My 7-Year-Old

June 03, 2020/ Mark Remy
Instead of Writing Something Funny, I Made a Pirate Ship With My 7-Year-Old

Oh, and also a cool-looking cardboard sword.

Read More
June 03, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Stress, News
May 20, 2020

Group of 7 Adult Runners Apparently All Live Together, Which Must Be Cool

May 20, 2020/ Mark Remy
Group of 7 Adult Runners Apparently All Live Together, Which Must Be Cool

“What other explanation could there be?” asks witness.

Read More
May 20, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Real, Satire, News, Training
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social distancing, Running club, Group runs, Selfish
January 22, 2020

Guy You Just Met Doesn’t Even Like to Drive 26.2 Miles

January 22, 2020/ Mark Remy
Guy You Just Met Doesn’t Even Like to Drive</em> 26.2 Miles

Jokester amuses self, others with wry observation.

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January 22, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Jokes, Marathons, LOL
December 09, 2019

Simple Thing Is Actually Super Complicated, According to Health and Fitness Media

December 09, 2019/ Mark Remy
Simple Thing Is Actually Super Complicated, According to Health and Fitness Media

Never fear, same sources say—they are here to help.

Read More
December 09, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Complicated, Media, Nutrition, Gear, Training
November 04, 2019

For Runner, Tinted Windows Turn Routine Street Crossing Into Thrilling Game of Chance

November 04, 2019/ Mark Remy
For Runner, Tinted Windows Turn Routine Street Crossing Into Thrilling Game of Chance

Motorist’s intent shrouded in mystery.

Read More
November 04, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Motorists, Traffic, Safety, Tinted windows
October 08, 2019

5 Ways to Make Your Run More OH MY GOD WHAT ARE WE DOING HOW CAN WE KEEP PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK WE’RE ALL IN A LIVING NIGHTMARE

October 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
5 Ways to Make Your Run More OH MY GOD WHAT ARE WE DOING HOW CAN WE KEEP PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK WE’RE ALL IN A LIVING NIGHTMARE

Years in the making, emotional collapse occurs midway through headline.

Read More
October 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Politics, News, Real, Emotional collapse
August 07, 2019

Ask Dr. Dumb: What's Up With the Chicago Road Runners?

August 07, 2019/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: What's Up With the Chicago Road Runners?

The club’s Twitter account recently got… interesting. Let’s dive in.

Read More
August 07, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Chicago Road Runners, Conspiracy theories, Bonkers, Hacking
June 12, 2019

Scientists Confirm Existence of Runner’s World 'Affiliate Links' Disclaimer

June 12, 2019/ Mark Remy
Scientists Confirm Existence of Runner’s World 'Affiliate Links' Disclaimer

Powerful microscopes reveal text deep in website’s footer.

Read More
June 12, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Affiliate links, Runner's World, Science, Microscopes
June 05, 2019

Ask Dr. Dumb: Do I Have a Parasitic Brain Worm?

June 05, 2019/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: Do I Have a Parasitic Brain Worm?

Answer: Probably. But don’t panic! As always, we’re here to help.

Read More
June 05, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Parasitic brain worm
May 29, 2019

'This Isn't Clickbait,' Insists Writer of Clickbait

May 29, 2019/ Mark Remy
'This Isn't Clickbait,' Insists Writer of Clickbait

Man behind “All Cyclists Are Smug, Entitled Assholes” declares innocent intentions.

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May 29, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Real
Media, Clickbait, Disingenuous claims
April 08, 2019

Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for More Bullshit Weather

April 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for More Bullshit Weather

“What, again?” says one runner. “Are you f***ing kidding me?”

Read More
April 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Real, Satire
Weather, Boston Marathon, Bullshit, Forecast
April 07, 2019

Runner Relieved to Learn Motorist Who Hit Him Was Using Phone Hands-Free

April 07, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner Relieved to Learn Motorist Who Hit Him Was Using Phone Hands-Free

Doctors say man may eventually regain use of legs.

Read More
April 07, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Real
Motorists, Safety, Smartphone, Hospital, Science
February 15, 2019

72 Reasons to Support Dumb Runner

February 15, 2019/ Mark Remy
72 Reasons to Support Dumb Runner

And that’s a conservative number.

Read More
February 15, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Pledge drive, Originality, Support Dumb Runner, Gratitude
February 06, 2019

Ask Dr. Dumb: How to Survive a Mountain Lion Encounter

February 06, 2019/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: How to Survive a Mountain Lion Encounter

A recent news story raises a few questions.

Read More
February 06, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Mountain lion, Cats, News, Dr. Dumb
December 19, 2018

Year in Review: Dumb Runner’s 12 Most Popular Articles of 2018

December 19, 2018/ Mark Remy
Year in Review: Dumb Runner’s 12 Most Popular Articles of 2018

If you read just one Dumb Runner article this year, make it this one.

Read More
December 19, 2018/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
2018, Most Popular
November 13, 2018

11 Other Distractions for Rowan University's Football Team

November 13, 2018/ Mark Remy
11 Other Distractions for Rowan University's Football Team

Sports bras are just the beginning.

Read More
November 13, 2018/ Mark Remy/
News, Real, Satire
Football, Distraction, Sports bras, Women's running, Patriarchy, Bullshit
October 17, 2018

Ask Dr. Dumb: What Runners Need to Know About Moose

October 17, 2018/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: What Runners Need to Know About Moose

“How to stop a charging moose” and other dumb tips from our in-house expert.

Read More
October 17, 2018/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Dr. Dumb, Moose
July 04, 2018

Patriot Honors U.S. Flag By Soaking It With Ass Sweat

July 04, 2018/ Mark Remy
Patriot Honors U.S. Flag By Soaking It With Ass Sweat

Star-spangled briefs endure five kilometers of abuse.

Read More
July 04, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Real, Gear, News
USA, Flag, America, Ass sweat, Racing
June 18, 2018

EDITORIAL: Runners, Let's Bring Back the Hoops

June 18, 2018/ Mark Remy
EDITORIAL: Runners, Let's Bring Back the Hoops

It is high time we revived this old-timey practice. Here's why.


Read More
June 18, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Real, Editorial
Editorial, Opinion, Hoops
April 11, 2018

Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for Bullshit Weather

April 11, 2018/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for Bullshit Weather

Reaction among runners has not been good.

Read More
April 11, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Real
Boston Marathon, Weather, Forecast, Bullshit
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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