Pedestrian Careful to Stay 6 Feet From Anyone She Happens to Notice
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Local Runner’s Girlfriend Sick of Hearing How Everything Is Marathon, Not Sprint
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In week five of lockdown, live-in partner understands metaphor all too well.
Read MoreLocal Misogynist Fed Up With Trying to Harass Female Runners Through Face Mask
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“Half the time, they can’t even hear me,” man complains.
Read MoreLocal Man Cancels Marathon in Backyard, Refuses to Give Self Refund
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Terms and conditions were clearly spelled out in handwritten waiver, runner tells self.
Read MoreNew Guidelines Recommend Staying 30 Feet Away from Bad Science, Sloppy Reporting
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Report shows bad information travels farther than previously thought.
Read MoreQuarantined Race Director Stays Sharp With Daily Starter Pistol Practice
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Neighbors seem to love it, local man says.
Read MoreFamily on Sidewalk Forms Impenetrable Wall of Flesh
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Mother, father, children walk five abreast, show no signs of yielding.
Read MoreIn Spirit of Goodwill, Motorist Gives Runner One Middle Finger Instead of Usual Two
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Driver swept up in moment of compassion and empathy.
Read More‘Sure, That’s a Nice, Safe Distance,’ Says Report From National Academy of Sarcastic Public Health Experts
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Group of wise-ass professionals calls social-distancing efforts “just perfect.”
Read MoreHigh-Fiving Runners Apparently Have Lost Their Goddamn Minds
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Total lunatics treat skin-on-skin contact like it’s no big deal.
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Local Runner Can’t Believe Race Canceled Just Because of Fast-Spreading Global Health Emergency For Which Nation Is Woefully Unprepared
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“Oh come on!” says exasperated man.
Read MoreOlympic Medalist Tests Positive for Dope Moves
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Out-of-competition testing also detects presence of sick beats.
Read MoreLocal Runner Bluffs Way Through 10-Minute Conversation on Olympic Marathon Trials
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Man joins banter, masking ignorance of topic.
Read MoreWorld Health Organization Pivots to Treat Runners Affected by Tokyo Marathon Cancellation
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Global health agency diverts funds, personnel to address new challenge.
Read MoreMcGillivray Cites ‘Can’t-Miss’ Dentist Appointment in Explaining New Date for 2020 Boston Marathon
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Longtime race director regrets scheduling snafu.
Read MorePanicked Kipchoge Can’t Find His Vaporflys
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“They’re super expensive!” says increasingly frantic world champion.
Read MoreAuto Industry Urges Congress to Raise Pedestrian Heights
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Makers of trucks and SUVs point to spike in deaths, injuries.
Read MoreGuy You Just Met Doesn’t Even Like to Drive 26.2 Miles
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Jokester amuses self, others with wry observation.
Read MoreNew Iowa Law Lets Runners Roll Through Stop Signs
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