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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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May 27, 2020

Man Has That Weird Dream Again Where He Runs Marathon Without Incident on Scheduled Date and Everything Is Fine

May 27, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man Has That Weird Dream Again Where He Runs Marathon Without Incident on Scheduled Date and Everything Is Fine

“So bizarre,” runner says upon waking.

Read More
May 27, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Dreams, Marathons, Surreal, Coronavirus, COVID-19
May 20, 2020

Group of 7 Adult Runners Apparently All Live Together, Which Must Be Cool

May 20, 2020/ Mark Remy
Group of 7 Adult Runners Apparently All Live Together, Which Must Be Cool

“What other explanation could there be?” asks witness.

Read More
May 20, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Real, Satire, News, Training
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social distancing, Running club, Group runs, Selfish
May 18, 2020

Dirty Running Shorts Enter 9th Week in Dark Gym Locker

May 18, 2020/ Mark Remy
Dirty Running Shorts Enter 9th Week in Dark Gym Locker

Funky athletic wear left in a moist, balled-up heap.

Read More
May 18, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Shorts, Gym, Funk, Stink, Smell
May 16, 2020

Thinking About Coronavirus Can Transmit It to Others, Says New Study, So You May Have Infected Someone Just by Reading This

May 16, 2020/ Mark Remy
Thinking About Coronavirus Can Transmit It to Others, Says New Study, So You May Have Infected Someone Just by Reading This

Head masks, or “hats,” might help, researchers say.

Read More
May 16, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Research, Hopelessness
May 15, 2020

Spartan Race Series Adds New ‘EXTREME VENTILATOR’ Obstacle

May 15, 2020/ Mark Remy
Spartan Race Series Adds New ‘EXTREME VENTILATOR’ Obstacle

“Devilish” challenge will debut at recently announced June event.

Read More
May 15, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Spartan, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Ventilator, Myopia
May 14, 2020

Wisconsin Running Club Celebrates Return to Complacency

May 14, 2020/ Mark Remy
Wisconsin Running Club Celebrates Return to Complacency

Runners embrace state’s premature reopening—and each other.

Read More
May 14, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Running club, Group runs, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Complacency, Myopia
May 13, 2020

CDC Recommends Face Masks Whenever Somebody Lets One Rip

May 13, 2020/ Mark Remy
CDC Recommends Face Masks Whenever Somebody Lets One Rip

Modern farts pack an olfactory punch unknown to previous generations, health agency says.

Read More
May 13, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Face masks, CDC, Public health, Fart, Flatulence, Air quality
May 13, 2020

Out-of-Shape Kipchoge Balloons to 122 Pounds

May 13, 2020/ Mark Remy
Out-of-Shape Kipchoge Balloons to 122 Pounds

Marathon world record holder has “really let himself go,” sources say.

Read More
May 13, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Eliud Kipchoge, Weight, Fitness
May 11, 2020

Man Misses Time When He Could Just Pick Up Phone, Plan Long Run With Friends, Then Bail at Last Minute

May 11, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man Misses Time When He Could Just Pick Up Phone, Plan Long Run With Friends, Then Bail at Last Minute

Unreliable local runner eager for a return to normal.

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May 11, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
COVID-19, Coronavirus, Group runs, Social distancing, Running partner, Bailing, Excuses
May 08, 2020

NYC Marathon: 2020 Race Will Go On, But Only For This One Guy From Brooklyn

May 08, 2020/ Mark Remy
NYC Marathon: 2020 Race Will Go On, But Only For This One Guy From Brooklyn

Ending weeks of speculation, organizers announce field size of one.

Read More
May 08, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
New York City Marathon, Brooklyn, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social distancing, Marathons
May 05, 2020

Report: F*** It, 3 Miles Fine For Today

May 05, 2020/ Mark Remy
Report: F*** It, 3 Miles Fine For Today

Study also concludes now not too early for a beer.

Read More
May 05, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Good enough, Coping mechanism, Beer, Mileage
May 03, 2020

Running Store Closures Leave Millions Unable to Get Fitted, Try Shoes on Before Ordering From Zappos

May 03, 2020/ Mark Remy
Running Store Closures Leave Millions Unable to Get Fitted, Try Shoes on Before Ordering From Zappos

“It’s such a pain,” says local runner.

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May 03, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Gear, News, Satire
Running stores, Gear, Shoes, Showrooming
May 01, 2020

INSPIRATIONAL: Crafty Runner Turns Finisher Medals Into Face Masks for Health Care Workers

May 01, 2020/ Mark Remy
INSPIRATIONAL: Crafty Runner Turns Finisher Medals Into Face Masks for Health Care Workers

Donation leaves staff at local hospital “speechless.”

Read More
May 01, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Face masks, Medals, COVID-19, Coronavirus
April 28, 2020

Man Driving to Walmart for Doritos Disgusted With Selfish Person Out For a Run

April 28, 2020/ Mark Remy
Man Driving to Walmart for Doritos Disgusted With Selfish Person Out For a Run

“What the hell does she think she’s doing?” mutters motorist.

Read More
April 28, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Coronavirus, COVID-19, Motorists, Salty snacks
April 27, 2020

Adorable Child Still Believes in Tooth Fairy, Unicorns, 2020 Fall Marathons

April 27, 2020/ Mark Remy
Adorable Child Still Believes in Tooth Fairy, Unicorns, 2020 Fall Marathons

Girl’s faith “cute” but also heartbreaking, says father.

Read More
April 27, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Children, Childlike wonder, Unicorns, Tooth fairy, Marathons, Coronavirus, COVID-19
April 25, 2020

Virtual Race Leads to Real Injury

April 25, 2020/ Mark Remy
Virtual Race Leads to Real Injury

“There’s nothing remote about this pain,” says local runner.

Read More
April 25, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Injuries, Racing, Virtual race, Coronavirus, COVID-19
April 23, 2020

Nike Denies Kipchoge’s Request to Work From Home

April 23, 2020/ Mark Remy
Nike Denies Kipchoge’s Request to Work From Home

World champion marathoner not sure why he still has to go to office every day.

Read More
April 23, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Working from home, Office, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Nike, Eliud Kipchoge
April 22, 2020

Pedestrian Careful to Stay 6 Feet From Anyone She Happens to Notice

April 22, 2020/ Mark Remy
Pedestrian Careful to Stay 6 Feet From Anyone She Happens to Notice

“I’m super-conscious of social distancing,” says local woman.

Read More
April 22, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Distraction, Pedestrian safety, COVID-19, Coronavirus, Social distancing
April 18, 2020

Local Misogynist Fed Up With Trying to Harass Female Runners Through Face Mask

April 18, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Misogynist Fed Up With Trying to Harass Female Runners Through Face Mask

“Half the time, they can’t even hear me,” man complains.

Read More
April 18, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Face masks, Harassment, Sexism, Harrassment, Women's running, Motorists, Coronavirus, COVID-19
April 15, 2020

Local Man Cancels Marathon in Backyard, Refuses to Give Self Refund

April 15, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Man Cancels Marathon in Backyard, Refuses to Give Self Refund

Terms and conditions were clearly spelled out in handwritten waiver, runner tells self.

Read More
April 15, 2020/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Shelter in place, Social distancing
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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