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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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October 09, 2019

9 Running Myths—Busted!

October 09, 2019/ Mark Remy
9 Running Myths—Busted!

You’ve heard these old chestnuts a thousand times. Don’t believe them.

Read More
October 09, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Myths, Busted
October 08, 2019

5 Ways to Make Your Run More OH MY GOD WHAT ARE WE DOING HOW CAN WE KEEP PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK WE’RE ALL IN A LIVING NIGHTMARE

October 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
5 Ways to Make Your Run More OH MY GOD WHAT ARE WE DOING HOW CAN WE KEEP PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK WE’RE ALL IN A LIVING NIGHTMARE

Years in the making, emotional collapse occurs midway through headline.

Read More
October 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Politics, News, Real, Emotional collapse
October 07, 2019

Salazar Appears at World Championships as Literal Cloud

October 07, 2019/ Mark Remy
Salazar Appears at World Championships as Literal Cloud

Floating visage overshadows final day of event.

Read More
October 07, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Alberto Salazar, World Championships, Doping, Clouds
October 03, 2019

‘He Won’t Get Far Without This,’ Oregon Project Lab Tech Says After Subject Escapes

October 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
‘He Won’t Get Far Without This,’ Oregon Project Lab Tech Says After Subject Escapes

“I want him alive,” Nike scientist tells security staff.

Read More
October 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Oregon Project, Nike, Alberto Salazar, Escape
October 02, 2019

Runner's World Editors Brainstorm Ways to Add Affiliate Links to Article on Salazar Doping Ban

October 02, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner's World Editors Brainstorm Ways to Add Affiliate Links to Article on Salazar Doping Ban

Breaking news story presents a challenge.

Read More
October 02, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Salazar, Doping, Runner's World, Affiliate links
October 02, 2019

Nike Oregon Project Introduces New Coach

October 02, 2019/ Mark Remy
Nike Oregon Project Introduces New Coach

With Salazar’s future in question, a fresh face emerges.

Read More
October 02, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Alberto Salazar, Umberto Santiago, Nike, Oregon Project, Doping
October 01, 2019

Rupp Already Regretting Week-Old Tattoo

October 01, 2019/ Mark Remy
Rupp Already Regretting Week-Old Tattoo

“I knew I should have gone with the Celtic cross,” says Nike runner.

Read More
October 01, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Alberto Salazar, Galen Rupp, Tattoos, Regret, Nike, Doping
September 30, 2019

IAAF Says Sun Will Host 2020 World Championships

September 30, 2019/ Mark Remy
IAAF Says Sun Will Host 2020 World Championships

Competition on giant ball of fiery gas will be “out of this world,” governing body says.

Read More
September 30, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
IAAF, World Championships, Heat, Space travel
September 30, 2019

Dog Opts Not to Alert Owner to Dead Body in Brush This Time

September 30, 2019/ Mark Remy
Dog Opts Not to Alert Owner to Dead Body in Brush This Time

Four-year-old canine decides to “let this one slide.”

Read More
September 30, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Dogs, Dead body, Trail running, Calculated decisions
September 23, 2019

New App Will Automatically Detect Pedestrian Collisions, Pay Nominal Fine

September 23, 2019/ Mark Remy
New App Will Automatically Detect Pedestrian Collisions, Pay Nominal Fine

Service will “streamline” process for motorists, victims, and police.

Read More
September 23, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Motorists, Traffic, Distraction, Smartphone
September 11, 2019

New Program Trains Dogs to Deliver Music to Stranded Runners

September 11, 2019/ Mark Remy
New Program Trains Dogs to Deliver Music to Stranded Runners

Lost or hurt? Can’t live without your tunes? Sit tight—help is on the way.

Read More
September 11, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Dogs, Running with music, Emergencies, Lost
September 04, 2019

Kipchoge Defends Decision to Use Electric Scooter in Sub-2:00 Marathon Attempt

September 04, 2019/ Mark Remy
Kipchoge Defends Decision to Use Electric Scooter in Sub-2:00 Marathon Attempt

Critics are missing the larger point, says Kenyan running legend.

Read More
September 04, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Gear
Eliud Kipchoge, Marathons, Breaking2, Sub-2:00, Scooters
September 02, 2019

Helpful Motorist Stops to Wave Runner Across Three Lanes of Moving Traffic

September 02, 2019/ Mark Remy
Helpful Motorist Stops to Wave Runner Across Three Lanes of Moving Traffic

“After you,” man seems to say, as dozens of vehicles barrel through intersection.

Read More
September 02, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Motorists, Traffic, Good Samaritan
August 25, 2019

Air Freshener Makes Valiant Effort in Van Full of Relay Runners

August 25, 2019/ Mark Remy
Air Freshener Makes Valiant Effort in Van Full of Relay Runners

Cardboard pine tree contends with odors it never thought possible.

Read More
August 25, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Odor, Relay race, Van, Air quality
August 12, 2019

Prefontaine Mustache Expected to Fetch $1.5 Million at Auction

August 12, 2019/ Mark Remy
Prefontaine Mustache Expected to Fetch $1.5 Million at Auction

Legendary facial hair will go on the block next week, says Sotheby’s.

Read More
August 12, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Mustache, Facial hair, Steve Prefontaine, Sotheby's, Fetch
August 07, 2019

Ask Dr. Dumb: What's Up With the Chicago Road Runners?

August 07, 2019/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: What's Up With the Chicago Road Runners?

The club’s Twitter account recently got… interesting. Let’s dive in.

Read More
August 07, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Chicago Road Runners, Conspiracy theories, Bonkers, Hacking
August 05, 2019

Lawyer Sacrifices Own Race to Help Collapsed Marathoner Sue Organizers

August 05, 2019/ Mark Remy
Lawyer Sacrifices Own Race to Help Collapsed Marathoner Sue Organizers

Fellow runner praised for selfless, pro bono gesture.

Read More
August 05, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Lawyer, Marathons, Injuries, Sue, Pro bono
July 24, 2019

For Man Trapped Under Enormous Tire, Crossfit Enthusiast in Right Place at Right Time

July 24, 2019/ Mark Remy
For Man Trapped Under Enormous Tire, Crossfit Enthusiast in Right Place at Right Time

The origin of the enormous tire remains a mystery.

Read More
July 24, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Crossfit, Enormous tires, Strength
July 22, 2019

San Francisco Runners Brave 70-Degree Temps

July 22, 2019/ Mark Remy
San Francisco Runners Brave 70-Degree Temps

As the mercury rises, athletes find ways to cope.

Read More
July 22, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Weather, Heat, San Francisco
July 15, 2019

Course Marshal Watching Turnaround Point Traffic Cone Like a Fucking Hawk

July 15, 2019/ Mark Remy
Course Marshal Watching Turnaround Point Traffic Cone Like a Fucking Hawk

Unblinking volunteer ensures integrity of half-marathon.

Read More
July 15, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Racing, Cheating, Bullhorn, Vigilance
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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