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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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December 12, 2019

Runner Accused of Sex Assault Says He ‘Got Caught Up in the Moment’ and ‘Acted on Instincts Honed by Decades of Being a Man in a Society That Emboldens Us to Degrade and Demean Women With Impunity'

December 12, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner Accused of Sex Assault Says He ‘Got Caught Up in the Moment’ and ‘Acted on Instincts Honed by Decades of Being a Man in a Society That Emboldens Us to Degrade and Demean Women With Impunity'

Man in viral video explains his actions.

Read More
December 12, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
News, Sexual assault, Live TV, Men, Excuses
December 09, 2019

Simple Thing Is Actually Super Complicated, According to Health and Fitness Media

December 09, 2019/ Mark Remy
Simple Thing Is Actually Super Complicated, According to Health and Fitness Media

Never fear, same sources say—they are here to help.

Read More
December 09, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Complicated, Media, Nutrition, Gear, Training
November 29, 2019

Hospitalized Thanksgiving Day Runner Found to Have 0.375 Blood Gravy Level

November 29, 2019/ Mark Remy
Hospitalized Thanksgiving Day Runner Found to Have 0.375 Blood Gravy Level

Odd behavior, slurred speech preceded collapse, witnesses say.

Read More
November 29, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Thanksgiving, Turkey trot, Gravy
November 18, 2019

14 'You So Dumb...' Jokes for Runners

November 18, 2019/ Mark Remy
14 'You So Dumb...' Jokes for Runners

How dumb are you, nameless runner? You so dumb…

Read More
November 18, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Jokes, Dumb, Running humor
November 11, 2019

Nike Publicist Prepares for Another Awesome Week at Work

November 11, 2019/ Mark Remy
Nike Publicist Prepares for Another Awesome Week at Work

At sports gear giant’s global headquarters, assistant VP ready to face the day.

Read More
November 11, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Nike, News, Public relations, Crisis management
November 07, 2019

NYC Marathon Volunteer Takes Final Ton of Discarded Clothing to Drop Box

November 07, 2019/ Mark Remy
NYC Marathon Volunteer Takes Final Ton of Discarded Clothing to Drop Box

Woman opts to avoid dealing with “zoo” at Goodwill store.

Read More
November 07, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
New York City Marathon, Donation, Discarded clothing, Charity
November 04, 2019

For Runner, Tinted Windows Turn Routine Street Crossing Into Thrilling Game of Chance

November 04, 2019/ Mark Remy
For Runner, Tinted Windows Turn Routine Street Crossing Into Thrilling Game of Chance

Motorist’s intent shrouded in mystery.

Read More
November 04, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Motorists, Traffic, Safety, Tinted windows
October 30, 2019

Wow! Check Out These 6 Celebs Who Won't Be Running the 2019 NYC Marathon

October 30, 2019/ Mark Remy
Wow! Check Out These 6 Celebs Who Won't Be Running the 2019 NYC Marathon

You might see some A-listers in this year’s field—but these six won’t be among them!

Read More
October 30, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
New York City Marathon, Celebrities, 2019
October 21, 2019

Runner’s High Can’t Come Soon Enough for Marathoner Erupting From Every Orifice

October 21, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner’s High Can’t Come Soon Enough for Marathoner Erupting From Every Orifice

“Any time now,” thinks man wracked by severe gastrointestinal distress.

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October 21, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Marathons, Runner's high, Endorphins, Spewing
October 16, 2019

Kipchoge Debates Buying Race Photos vs. Just Sharing Watermarked Versions

October 16, 2019/ Mark Remy
Kipchoge Debates Buying Race Photos vs. Just Sharing Watermarked Versions

Days after historic sub-2:00 performance, world champion weighs expenditure.

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October 16, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
INEOS, Sub-2:00, Eliud Kipchoge, MarathonFoto, Race photos
October 14, 2019

Even Brigid Kosgei Skeptical of Brigid Kosgei’s Marathon World Record

October 14, 2019/ Mark Remy
Even Brigid Kosgei Skeptical of Brigid Kosgei’s Marathon World Record

“It’s so hard anymore to know what’s legit and what isn’t,” says Kenyan runner.

Read More
October 14, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Brigid Kosgei, Chicago Marathon, World Record, Marathons, Women's running, Federico Rosa
October 13, 2019

After 1:59 Marathon, Sales Skyrocket for Whatever It Is That INEOS Sells

October 13, 2019/ Mark Remy
After 1:59 Marathon, Sales Skyrocket for Whatever It Is That INEOS Sells

Title sponsorship of 1:59 marathon event yields immediate dividends.

Read More
October 13, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
INEOS, Marathons, Sub-2:00, Eliud Kipchoge, Marketing
October 12, 2019

Course for INEOS 1:59 Challenge Was Short, Says Sheepish Race Director

October 12, 2019/ Mark Remy
Course for INEOS 1:59 Challenge Was Short, Says Sheepish Race Director

Organizers offer Kipchoge free entry in next year’s event.

Read More
October 12, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
INEOS, Marathons, Eliud Kipchoge, Sub-2:00, Race director
October 09, 2019

9 Running Myths—Busted!

October 09, 2019/ Mark Remy
9 Running Myths—Busted!

You’ve heard these old chestnuts a thousand times. Don’t believe them.

Read More
October 09, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Myths, Busted
October 08, 2019

5 Ways to Make Your Run More OH MY GOD WHAT ARE WE DOING HOW CAN WE KEEP PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK WE’RE ALL IN A LIVING NIGHTMARE

October 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
5 Ways to Make Your Run More OH MY GOD WHAT ARE WE DOING HOW CAN WE KEEP PRETENDING LIKE EVERYTHING IS OK WE’RE ALL IN A LIVING NIGHTMARE

Years in the making, emotional collapse occurs midway through headline.

Read More
October 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Politics, News, Real, Emotional collapse
October 07, 2019

Salazar Appears at World Championships as Literal Cloud

October 07, 2019/ Mark Remy
Salazar Appears at World Championships as Literal Cloud

Floating visage overshadows final day of event.

Read More
October 07, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Alberto Salazar, World Championships, Doping, Clouds
October 02, 2019

Runner's World Editors Brainstorm Ways to Add Affiliate Links to Article on Salazar Doping Ban

October 02, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner's World Editors Brainstorm Ways to Add Affiliate Links to Article on Salazar Doping Ban

Breaking news story presents a challenge.

Read More
October 02, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Salazar, Doping, Runner's World, Affiliate links
October 01, 2019

Rupp Already Regretting Week-Old Tattoo

October 01, 2019/ Mark Remy
Rupp Already Regretting Week-Old Tattoo

“I knew I should have gone with the Celtic cross,” says Nike runner.

Read More
October 01, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Alberto Salazar, Galen Rupp, Tattoos, Regret, Nike, Doping
September 30, 2019

IAAF Says Sun Will Host 2020 World Championships

September 30, 2019/ Mark Remy
IAAF Says Sun Will Host 2020 World Championships

Competition on giant ball of fiery gas will be “out of this world,” governing body says.

Read More
September 30, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
IAAF, World Championships, Heat, Space travel
September 30, 2019

Dog Opts Not to Alert Owner to Dead Body in Brush This Time

September 30, 2019/ Mark Remy
Dog Opts Not to Alert Owner to Dead Body in Brush This Time

Four-year-old canine decides to “let this one slide.”

Read More
September 30, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Dogs, Dead body, Trail running, Calculated decisions
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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