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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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July 08, 2019

Marathon Cheating Website Rebrands as ExpressCheckoutDetective.com

July 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
Marathon Cheating Website Rebrands as ExpressCheckoutDetective.com

No explanation offered for popular site’s abrupt change.

Read More
July 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Cheating, Supermarket, Scofflaws, Vigilante justice, Rebranding, Public shaming
July 03, 2019

11 Ways to Make Your Next Run More Patriotic

July 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
11 Ways to Make Your Next Run More Patriotic

Are you, as a runner, patriotic enough? No, you are not.

Read More
July 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Training
USA, Patriotism, Training, Flag
July 01, 2019

Bear Trapped by Western States Trail Closure Complains to Local Paper

July 01, 2019/ Mark Remy
Bear Trapped by Western States Trail Closure Complains to Local Paper

“There are thousands of miles of paved roads. Why can’t they run there?”

Read More
July 01, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Bear, Wildlife, Western States 100-Mile Endurance Run, Local paper
June 19, 2019

Woman a Little Too Pleased With Herself for Leaving Old Guy in Dust

June 19, 2019/ Mark Remy
Woman a Little Too Pleased With Herself for Leaving Old Guy in Dust

Mismatch in health, fitness is apparent even to casual observers.

Read More
June 19, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Racing, Youth, Ravages of age, Passing
June 12, 2019

Scientists Confirm Existence of Runner’s World 'Affiliate Links' Disclaimer

June 12, 2019/ Mark Remy
Scientists Confirm Existence of Runner’s World 'Affiliate Links' Disclaimer

Powerful microscopes reveal text deep in website’s footer.

Read More
June 12, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Affiliate links, Runner's World, Science, Microscopes
June 05, 2019

Ask Dr. Dumb: Do I Have a Parasitic Brain Worm?

June 05, 2019/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: Do I Have a Parasitic Brain Worm?

Answer: Probably. But don’t panic! As always, we’re here to help.

Read More
June 05, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Parasitic brain worm
May 29, 2019

'This Isn't Clickbait,' Insists Writer of Clickbait

May 29, 2019/ Mark Remy
'This Isn't Clickbait,' Insists Writer of Clickbait

Man behind “All Cyclists Are Smug, Entitled Assholes” declares innocent intentions.

Read More
May 29, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Real
Media, Clickbait, Disingenuous claims
May 25, 2019

Impish Nike Rep Appears in Hospital Room, Demands Sponsored Runner's Newborn

May 25, 2019/ Mark Remy
Impish Nike Rep Appears in Hospital Room, Demands Sponsored Runner's Newborn

“Have you forgotten our arrangement?” asks strange little man.

Read More
May 25, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Nike, Faustian bargain, Imp, Gender equity, Fairytales
April 28, 2019

Farah Regrets Running London Marathon With Hand Weights

April 28, 2019/ Mark Remy
Farah Regrets Running London Marathon With Hand Weights

Fifth-place finisher calls decision ”foolish” in hindsight.

Read More
April 28, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
London Marathon, Mo Farah, Hand weights, Regret, Racing, Eliud Kipchoge
April 14, 2019

Boston Marathoners Starting to Think Bus Driver Lost

April 14, 2019/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathoners Starting to Think Bus Driver Lost

Hopkinton nowhere in sight as passengers grow nervous.

Read More
April 14, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Boston Marathon, Schoolbus, Hopkinton, Lost
April 08, 2019

Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for More Bullshit Weather

April 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for More Bullshit Weather

“What, again?” says one runner. “Are you f***ing kidding me?”

Read More
April 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Real, Satire
Weather, Boston Marathon, Bullshit, Forecast
April 03, 2019

3 Vendors Still Missing in Barkley Marathons 32,000-Acre Unmarked Race Expo

April 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
3 Vendors Still Missing in Barkley Marathons 32,000-Acre Unmarked Race Expo

Reps for GU, KT Tape, and The Stick last seen Saturday.

Read More
April 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Barkley Marathons, Expo, Lost
March 16, 2019

Irish Jogger Finds Dead Leprechaun

March 16, 2019/ Mark Remy
Irish Jogger Finds Dead Leprechaun

Woman discovers “wee man” just before St. Patrick’s Day.

Read More
March 16, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
St. Patrick's Day, Leprechaun, Joggers, Dead body
March 13, 2019

Baby Terrified

March 13, 2019/ Mark Remy
Baby Terrified

Local infant is immobilized and rocketed through alien landscape.

Read More
March 13, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Training
Baby, Terror, Fear, Stroller, Trail running, Mother
March 10, 2019

'Sometimes It's Like You Have a Paywall Around Your Heart,' Girlfriend Tells Runner's World Editor

March 10, 2019/ Mark Remy
'Sometimes It's Like You Have a Paywall Around Your Heart,' Girlfriend Tells Runner's World Editor

Woman unsure she’ll ever earn unlimited access to partner’s inner self.

Read More
March 10, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Runner's World, Paywall, Relationships, Current events, Premium content, Heartbreak, Love
February 20, 2019

Trail Runner Hospitalized After Becoming Overly Stoked

February 20, 2019/ Mark Remy
Trail Runner Hospitalized After Becoming Overly Stoked

California man is stable but unresponsive.

Read More
February 20, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Stoked, Hospital, Safety, Trail running
February 15, 2019

72 Reasons to Support Dumb Runner

February 15, 2019/ Mark Remy
72 Reasons to Support Dumb Runner

And that’s a conservative number.

Read More
February 15, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Real, News
Pledge drive, Originality, Support Dumb Runner, Gratitude
February 06, 2019

Ask Dr. Dumb: How to Survive a Mountain Lion Encounter

February 06, 2019/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: How to Survive a Mountain Lion Encounter

A recent news story raises a few questions.

Read More
February 06, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Mountain lion, Cats, News, Dr. Dumb
February 03, 2019

Guest Opinion: If You're Running With Me and It's Freezing and We Get Lost, I Will Not Hesitate to Slice You Open Like a Tauntaun and Warm Myself on Your Steaming Intestines

February 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
Guest Opinion: If You're Running With Me and It's Freezing and We Get Lost, I Will Not Hesitate to Slice You Open Like a Tauntaun and Warm Myself on Your Steaming Intestines

Just so you know.

Read More
February 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Training
Cold, Weather, Star Wars, Tauntauns, Survival, Opinion
January 28, 2019

Safety Pin Enters Abdomen

January 28, 2019/ Mark Remy
Safety Pin Enters Abdomen

“Ow!” says local runner.

Read More
January 28, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News
Bib number, Safety pins, Skin, Ouch
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  • Running 101/
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    • NEW BOOK! "The Running Dictionary"
    • Tees, Hoodies, Etc.
    • "Was It Fun? A Dumb Runner Comics Collection"
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    • "The Runner's Rule Book"
    • 2026 Wall Calendar
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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