As Nation Convulses in Fury and Anguish, Teetering on Brink of Race War and Totalitarianism, Man Tells Runner’s World to Stick to Running
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Instead of Writing Something Funny, I Made a Pirate Ship With My 7-Year-Old
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Oh, and also a cool-looking cardboard sword.
Read MoreMan Cleaning Theragun Accidentally Massages Self in Thigh
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Alcohol was a factor, sources say.
Read MoreNo One Has Heart to Tell Dog That Race Not Happening This Year
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Spencer, a favorite of runners and spectators alike, remains in the dark.
Read MoreMan Wishes He’d Listened to Strange Woman Who Leapt From Shadows Back in February and Urged Him Not to Preorder 2020 Boston Jacket
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“Looking back now, of course, she was right,” says local runner.
Read MoreMan Has That Weird Dream Again Where He Runs Marathon Without Incident on Scheduled Date and Everything Is Fine
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“So bizarre,” runner says upon waking.
Read MoreGroup of 7 Adult Runners Apparently All Live Together, Which Must Be Cool
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“What other explanation could there be?” asks witness.
Read MoreDirty Running Shorts Enter 9th Week in Dark Gym Locker
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Funky athletic wear left in a moist, balled-up heap.
Read MoreThinking About Coronavirus Can Transmit It to Others, Says New Study, So You May Have Infected Someone Just by Reading This
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Head masks, or “hats,” might help, researchers say.
Read MoreSpartan Race Series Adds New ‘EXTREME VENTILATOR’ Obstacle
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“Devilish” challenge will debut at recently announced June event.
Read MoreWisconsin Running Club Celebrates Return to Complacency
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Runners embrace state’s premature reopening—and each other.
Read MoreCDC Recommends Face Masks Whenever Somebody Lets One Rip
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Modern farts pack an olfactory punch unknown to previous generations, health agency says.
Read MoreOut-of-Shape Kipchoge Balloons to 122 Pounds
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Marathon world record holder has “really let himself go,” sources say.
Read MoreMan Misses Time When He Could Just Pick Up Phone, Plan Long Run With Friends, Then Bail at Last Minute
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Unreliable local runner eager for a return to normal.
Read MoreNYC Marathon: 2020 Race Will Go On, But Only For This One Guy From Brooklyn
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Ending weeks of speculation, organizers announce field size of one.
Read MoreReport: F*** It, 3 Miles Fine For Today
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Study also concludes now not too early for a beer.
Read MoreRunning Store Closures Leave Millions Unable to Get Fitted, Try Shoes on Before Ordering From Zappos
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“It’s such a pain,” says local runner.
Read MoreINSPIRATIONAL: Crafty Runner Turns Finisher Medals Into Face Masks for Health Care Workers
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Donation leaves staff at local hospital “speechless.”
Read MoreMan Driving to Walmart for Doritos Disgusted With Selfish Person Out For a Run
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“What the hell does she think she’s doing?” mutters motorist.
Read MoreAdorable Child Still Believes in Tooth Fairy, Unicorns, 2020 Fall Marathons
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