Chicago Marathon’s COVID Restrictions Present Dilemma for Local Jackass
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The Chicago Marathon yesterday announced that it would require all runners this year either to be fully vaccinated against COVID-19 or to test negative for the virus within 72 hours of race day, presenting a dilemma for a local man.
Philip John Clapp, 27, an unvaccinated jackass who routinely spreads misinformation and outright lies about COVID, registered for the marathon earlier this year. Now, he faces a difficult choice: Comply with the event’s COVID safety rules and run the marathon, betraying the very essence of his jackassery; or skip the race and maintain his status as a loud, selfish moron.
“It’s a real pickle,” said Clapp in a phone interview. “On one hand, I could be a sheep and get the vaccine or be tested for COVID just before running the race—but that would mean turning my back on liberty and freedom.”
“On the other hand,” he continued, “I could keep my liberty and freedom, but eat the registration fee.”
The Chicago Marathon’s entry fee, $205 for U.S. residents, is nonrefundable.
“Either way, it’s bullshit, man,” Clapp said. “These things should be a personal decision.”
Asked how choosing to potentially spread a deadly virus among thousands of runners, staff, volunteers, spectators, and others is a “personal decision,” Clapp declined to elaborate, instead launching a sustained rant about Anthony Fauci, his DNA, and Big Pharma, making several demonstrably false claims along the way.
“And by the way?” he concluded. “This is a HIPAA violation.”
The Chicago Marathon’s COVID requirements are not a HIPAA violation.
Clapp said he was still mulling his options for the race, scheduled for October 10, including possibly showing up and coughing on people in protest.
“Give me liberty or give me death,” he said, apparently unironically.
