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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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September 23, 2019

New App Will Automatically Detect Pedestrian Collisions, Pay Nominal Fine

September 23, 2019/ Mark Remy
New App Will Automatically Detect Pedestrian Collisions, Pay Nominal Fine

Service will “streamline” process for motorists, victims, and police.

Read More
September 23, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Motorists, Traffic, Distraction, Smartphone
September 02, 2019

Helpful Motorist Stops to Wave Runner Across Three Lanes of Moving Traffic

September 02, 2019/ Mark Remy
Helpful Motorist Stops to Wave Runner Across Three Lanes of Moving Traffic

“After you,” man seems to say, as dozens of vehicles barrel through intersection.

Read More
September 02, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Motorists, Traffic, Good Samaritan
August 25, 2019

Air Freshener Makes Valiant Effort in Van Full of Relay Runners

August 25, 2019/ Mark Remy
Air Freshener Makes Valiant Effort in Van Full of Relay Runners

Cardboard pine tree contends with odors it never thought possible.

Read More
August 25, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Odor, Relay race, Van, Air quality
August 12, 2019

Prefontaine Mustache Expected to Fetch $1.5 Million at Auction

August 12, 2019/ Mark Remy
Prefontaine Mustache Expected to Fetch $1.5 Million at Auction

Legendary facial hair will go on the block next week, says Sotheby’s.

Read More
August 12, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Mustache, Facial hair, Steve Prefontaine, Sotheby's, Fetch
August 05, 2019

Lawyer Sacrifices Own Race to Help Collapsed Marathoner Sue Organizers

August 05, 2019/ Mark Remy
Lawyer Sacrifices Own Race to Help Collapsed Marathoner Sue Organizers

Fellow runner praised for selfless, pro bono gesture.

Read More
August 05, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Lawyer, Marathons, Injuries, Sue, Pro bono
July 22, 2019

San Francisco Runners Brave 70-Degree Temps

July 22, 2019/ Mark Remy
San Francisco Runners Brave 70-Degree Temps

As the mercury rises, athletes find ways to cope.

Read More
July 22, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Weather, Heat, San Francisco
July 15, 2019

Course Marshal Watching Turnaround Point Traffic Cone Like a Fucking Hawk

July 15, 2019/ Mark Remy
Course Marshal Watching Turnaround Point Traffic Cone Like a Fucking Hawk

Unblinking volunteer ensures integrity of half-marathon.

Read More
July 15, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Racing, Cheating, Bullhorn, Vigilance
July 10, 2019

Man Brightens Woman’s Day With Order to Smile

July 10, 2019/ Mark Remy
Man Brightens Woman’s Day With Order to Smile

Passing stranger’s advice helps runner “look prettier.”

Read More
July 10, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Sexism, Smile, Patriarchy
July 08, 2019

Marathon Cheating Website Rebrands as ExpressCheckoutDetective.com

July 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
Marathon Cheating Website Rebrands as ExpressCheckoutDetective.com

No explanation offered for popular site’s abrupt change.

Read More
July 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Cheating, Supermarket, Scofflaws, Vigilante justice, Rebranding, Public shaming
July 03, 2019

11 Ways to Make Your Next Run More Patriotic

July 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
11 Ways to Make Your Next Run More Patriotic

Are you, as a runner, patriotic enough? No, you are not.

Read More
July 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Training
USA, Patriotism, Training, Flag
July 01, 2019

Bear Trapped by Western States Trail Closure Complains to Local Paper

July 01, 2019/ Mark Remy
Bear Trapped by Western States Trail Closure Complains to Local Paper

“There are thousands of miles of paved roads. Why can’t they run there?”

Read More
July 01, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Bear, Wildlife, Western States 100-Mile Endurance Run, Local paper
June 19, 2019

Woman a Little Too Pleased With Herself for Leaving Old Guy in Dust

June 19, 2019/ Mark Remy
Woman a Little Too Pleased With Herself for Leaving Old Guy in Dust

Mismatch in health, fitness is apparent even to casual observers.

Read More
June 19, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Racing, Youth, Ravages of age, Passing
May 29, 2019

'This Isn't Clickbait,' Insists Writer of Clickbait

May 29, 2019/ Mark Remy
'This Isn't Clickbait,' Insists Writer of Clickbait

Man behind “All Cyclists Are Smug, Entitled Assholes” declares innocent intentions.

Read More
May 29, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire, Real
Media, Clickbait, Disingenuous claims
May 25, 2019

Impish Nike Rep Appears in Hospital Room, Demands Sponsored Runner's Newborn

May 25, 2019/ Mark Remy
Impish Nike Rep Appears in Hospital Room, Demands Sponsored Runner's Newborn

“Have you forgotten our arrangement?” asks strange little man.

Read More
May 25, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Nike, Faustian bargain, Imp, Gender equity, Fairytales
April 28, 2019

Farah Regrets Running London Marathon With Hand Weights

April 28, 2019/ Mark Remy
Farah Regrets Running London Marathon With Hand Weights

Fifth-place finisher calls decision ”foolish” in hindsight.

Read More
April 28, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
London Marathon, Mo Farah, Hand weights, Regret, Racing, Eliud Kipchoge
April 16, 2019

Friends Worried About Wellesley Student Still Screaming at Road

April 16, 2019/ Mark Remy
Friends Worried About Wellesley Student Still Screaming at Road

Long after Boston Marathon finish, one spectator remains on course.

Read More
April 16, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Boston Marathon, Wellesley, Scream Tunnel, Racing
April 14, 2019

Boston Marathoners Starting to Think Bus Driver Lost

April 14, 2019/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathoners Starting to Think Bus Driver Lost

Hopkinton nowhere in sight as passengers grow nervous.

Read More
April 14, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Boston Marathon, Schoolbus, Hopkinton, Lost
April 08, 2019

Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for More Bullshit Weather

April 08, 2019/ Mark Remy
Boston Marathon Forecast Calls for More Bullshit Weather

“What, again?” says one runner. “Are you f***ing kidding me?”

Read More
April 08, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Real, Satire
Weather, Boston Marathon, Bullshit, Forecast
April 07, 2019

Runner Relieved to Learn Motorist Who Hit Him Was Using Phone Hands-Free

April 07, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner Relieved to Learn Motorist Who Hit Him Was Using Phone Hands-Free

Doctors say man may eventually regain use of legs.

Read More
April 07, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Real
Motorists, Safety, Smartphone, Hospital, Science
April 03, 2019

3 Vendors Still Missing in Barkley Marathons 32,000-Acre Unmarked Race Expo

April 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
3 Vendors Still Missing in Barkley Marathons 32,000-Acre Unmarked Race Expo

Reps for GU, KT Tape, and The Stick last seen Saturday.

Read More
April 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Barkley Marathons, Expo, Lost
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  • Running 101/
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    • NEW BOOK! "The Running Dictionary"
    • Tees, Hoodies, Etc.
    • "Was It Fun? A Dumb Runner Comics Collection"
    • "C is for Chafing" picture book
    • "The Runner's Rule Book"
    • 2026 Wall Calendar
  • Support Dumb Runner/
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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