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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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June 13, 2017

'He's Friendly,' Owner Assures Runner as Off-Leash Dog Pierces Carotid Artery

June 13, 2017/ Mark Remy
'He's Friendly,' Owner Assures Runner as Off-Leash Dog Pierces Carotid Artery

"The greater tragedy would have been seeing him restrained by a leash," victim says.

Read More
June 13, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Dogs, Carotid artery, Safety
May 31, 2017

Man Wishes He Had Time to Run

May 31, 2017/ Mark Remy
Man Wishes He Had Time to Run

Conversation with avid runner leads to an admission.

Read More
May 31, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Motivation
Motivation, Couch, Time management, Beer
May 30, 2017

'How Far Was That?' Asks Purist Who Never Runs With a Watch

May 30, 2017/ Mark Remy
'How Far Was That?' Asks Purist Who Never Runs With a Watch

Group run ends, as usual, with a query to friends.

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May 30, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
GPS, Watch, Distance, Group runs
May 21, 2017

2:06 Marathoner Suddenly Realizes How Fast He Is

May 21, 2017/ Mark Remy
2:06 Marathoner Suddenly Realizes How Fast He Is

"Holy shit,"  says an elite competitor.

Read More
May 21, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Kenya, Marathons, Racing, PR
May 09, 2017

Woman Immediately Regrets Asking Date if He's Ever Run a Marathon

May 09, 2017/ Mark Remy
Woman Immediately Regrets Asking Date if He's Ever Run a Marathon

Dinner at Thai restaurant takes an unfortunate turn.

Read More
May 09, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Marathons, Dating, Regret
May 06, 2017

Trump: Andrew Jackson Would Have Broken 2 Hours in Marathon

May 06, 2017/ Mark Remy
Trump: Andrew Jackson Would Have Broken 2 Hours in Marathon

President weighs in on recent Breaking2 attempt.

Read More
May 06, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marathons, Andrew Jackson, Donald Trump
May 06, 2017

5 Moments When Eliud Kipchoge Blew His Chances for a Sub-2:00 Finish

May 06, 2017/ Mark Remy
5 Moments When Eliud Kipchoge Blew His Chances for a Sub-2:00 Finish

At Saturday's Breaking2 attempt, a series of rookie mistakes add up.

Read More
May 06, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Nike, Eliud Kipchoge, Marathons
May 05, 2017

Runners Hit 'Breaking2' Marathon Expo

May 05, 2017/ Mark Remy
Runners Hit 'Breaking2' Marathon Expo

Elites grab their race packets and enjoy free CLIF samples.

Read More
May 05, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marathons, Expo, Asics
May 04, 2017

BREAKING: Nike Scientists Create 1:59 Marathon in Test Tube

May 04, 2017/ Mark Remy
BREAKING: Nike Scientists Create 1:59 Marathon in Test Tube

A laboratory setting affords "absolute control over every variable."

Read More
May 04, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marathons, Nike, Science
May 02, 2017

EXCLUSIVE: Nike Is the Mystery Company Behind 'Breaking2' Effort

May 02, 2017/ Mark Remy
EXCLUSIVE: Nike Is the Mystery Company Behind 'Breaking2' Effort

The footwear maker had hoped to keep its support quiet. 

Read More
May 02, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marketing, Marathons, Nike
May 01, 2017

Runner Checks Out Reflection in Storefront Window

May 01, 2017/ Mark Remy
Runner Checks Out Reflection in Storefront Window

Once past the store, he resumed looking forward.

Read More
May 01, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Vanity, Storefront window, Checking self out
April 26, 2017

5 Stretches You Should Never Do

April 26, 2017/ Mark Remy
5 Stretches You Should Never Do

And what you can do instead.

Read More
April 26, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Stretching, Never
April 24, 2017

'Marathon' Image Laughable, Even by Stock Photo Standards

April 24, 2017/ Mark Remy
'Marathon' Image Laughable, Even by Stock Photo Standards

Generic bib numbers just the start, sources say.

Read More
April 24, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Marathons, Fake, Stock photos
April 19, 2017

Gate Agent Relieved She Can Stop Feigning Interest in Marathon

April 19, 2017/ Mark Remy
Gate Agent Relieved She Can Stop Feigning Interest in Marathon

"Thank God, that's over for another year."

Read More
April 19, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Boston Marathon, Boston, Air travel, Feigned interest
April 18, 2017

Man Forgets Boston Marathon Jacket on Plane

April 18, 2017/ Mark Remy
Man Forgets Boston Marathon Jacket on Plane

Cherished souvenir is left in an overhead bin.

Read More
April 18, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Boston Marathon, Jacket, Air travel
April 17, 2017

Man at Mile 2 of Boston Marathon Pretty Sure He's En Route to Huge PR

April 17, 2017/ Mark Remy
Man at Mile 2 of Boston Marathon Pretty Sure He's En Route to Huge PR

"I am flying!" first-time Boston participant thinks to self.

Read More
April 17, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Boston Marathon, PR, Hubris
April 14, 2017

Hopkinton Plant Life Braces for Annual Onslaught of Urine

April 14, 2017/ Mark Remy
Hopkinton Plant Life Braces for Annual Onslaught of Urine

"We have a love/hate relationship with the marathon," said a blooming shrub.

Read More
April 14, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Boston Marathon, Hopkinton, Plants, Urine
April 11, 2017

Pence Warns Boston Marathon Runners of 'Wicked' Wellesley

April 11, 2017/ Mark Remy
Pence Warns Boston Marathon Runners of 'Wicked' Wellesley

The VP sees undue temptation in a marathon tradition.

Read More
April 11, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Mike Pence, Boston Marathon, Wellesley, Scream Tunnel, Kiss
April 04, 2017

Woman Can't Quite Place Smell She's Picking Up From Yoga Mat

April 04, 2017/ Mark Remy
Woman Can't Quite Place Smell She's Picking Up From Yoga Mat

A loaner from the hotel fitness center is a source of mystery.

Read More
April 04, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Yoga, Yoga mat, Smell, Funk
April 02, 2017

Distance Running Destroys Lungs, Says Study

April 02, 2017/ Mark Remy
Distance Running Destroys Lungs, Says Study

Research finds 9 of 10 marathoners suffer from tachypnea.

Read More
April 02, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Marathons, Lungs, Tachypnea, Hidden Health Risks
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  • Running 101/
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    • "Was It Fun? A Dumb Runner Comics Collection"
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  • Support Dumb Runner/
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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