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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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July 09, 2017

Spectator Admits She Not Really Sure Marathoners Got This

July 09, 2017/ Mark Remy
Spectator Admits She Not Really Sure Marathoners Got This

"Truth be told," says woman, "I have no idea how these runners will fare."

Read More
July 09, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Motivation, Marathons, Spectator, You got this
July 02, 2017

EXCLUSIVE: New Documents Reveal Founding Fathers Marked Independence With Nation's First Firecracker 5K

July 02, 2017/ Mark Remy
EXCLUSIVE: New Documents Reveal Founding Fathers Marked Independence With Nation's First Firecracker 5K

"Our Founding Fathers truly were visionaries," says historian.

Read More
July 02, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Independence Day, Fourth of July, Firecracker, Founding Fathers
June 27, 2017

'That's Why I Carry,' Gun-Loving Runner Replies to Increasing Number of Stories

June 27, 2017/ Mark Remy
'That's Why I Carry,' Gun-Loving Runner Replies to Increasing Number of Stories

Friends express concern over a recent shift.

Read More
June 27, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Guns, Carry, Scary
June 25, 2017

Poor Bastard Has No Idea He's Running All Wrong

June 25, 2017/ Mark Remy
Poor Bastard Has No Idea He's Running All Wrong

From foot strike to lack of fuel, a passing stranger inspires pity.

Read More
June 25, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Wrong
June 20, 2017

7 Essential Tips for Running the Western States 100

June 20, 2017/ Mark Remy
7 Essential Tips for Running the Western States 100

Be prepared, be early, and remember—strollers start in back!

Read More
June 20, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Western States 100-Mile Endurance Run, Ultras
June 16, 2017

Lawyer for Family of Slain Raccoon Disputes Runner's Claim of Self-Defense

June 16, 2017/ Mark Remy
Lawyer for Family of Slain Raccoon Disputes Runner's Claim of Self-Defense

A viral news story takes an unexpected turn.

Read More
June 16, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Lawyer, Raccoon, Maine, Puddle
June 13, 2017

'He's Friendly,' Owner Assures Runner as Off-Leash Dog Pierces Carotid Artery

June 13, 2017/ Mark Remy
'He's Friendly,' Owner Assures Runner as Off-Leash Dog Pierces Carotid Artery

"The greater tragedy would have been seeing him restrained by a leash," victim says.

Read More
June 13, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Dogs, Carotid artery, Safety
May 31, 2017

Man Wishes He Had Time to Run

May 31, 2017/ Mark Remy
Man Wishes He Had Time to Run

Conversation with avid runner leads to an admission.

Read More
May 31, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News, Motivation
Motivation, Couch, Time management, Beer
May 30, 2017

'How Far Was That?' Asks Purist Who Never Runs With a Watch

May 30, 2017/ Mark Remy
'How Far Was That?' Asks Purist Who Never Runs With a Watch

Group run ends, as usual, with a query to friends.

Read More
May 30, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
GPS, Watch, Distance, Group runs
May 21, 2017

2:06 Marathoner Suddenly Realizes How Fast He Is

May 21, 2017/ Mark Remy
2:06 Marathoner Suddenly Realizes How Fast He Is

"Holy shit,"  says an elite competitor.

Read More
May 21, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Kenya, Marathons, Racing, PR
May 21, 2017

Thank You to Our Supporters, Old and New!

May 21, 2017/ Mark Remy
Thank You to Our Supporters, Old and New!

Dumb Runner's Spring 2017 Pledge Drive was a success, thanks to you.

Read More
May 21, 2017/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Gratitude, Support Dumb Runner, Pledge drive, Patreon
May 16, 2017

Friends, Please Watch This Awkward 4-Minute Video

May 16, 2017/ Mark Remy
Friends, Please Watch This Awkward 4-Minute Video

BONUS: The sound quality is awful. But it's an important message.

Read More
May 16, 2017/ Mark Remy/
News, Real
Pledge drive, Support Dumb Runner, Awkward video
May 09, 2017

Woman Immediately Regrets Asking Date if He's Ever Run a Marathon

May 09, 2017/ Mark Remy
Woman Immediately Regrets Asking Date if He's Ever Run a Marathon

Dinner at Thai restaurant takes an unfortunate turn.

Read More
May 09, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Marathons, Dating, Regret
May 06, 2017

Trump: Andrew Jackson Would Have Broken 2 Hours in Marathon

May 06, 2017/ Mark Remy
Trump: Andrew Jackson Would Have Broken 2 Hours in Marathon

President weighs in on recent Breaking2 attempt.

Read More
May 06, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marathons, Andrew Jackson, Donald Trump
May 06, 2017

5 Moments When Eliud Kipchoge Blew His Chances for a Sub-2:00 Finish

May 06, 2017/ Mark Remy
5 Moments When Eliud Kipchoge Blew His Chances for a Sub-2:00 Finish

At Saturday's Breaking2 attempt, a series of rookie mistakes add up.

Read More
May 06, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Nike, Eliud Kipchoge, Marathons
May 05, 2017

Runners Hit 'Breaking2' Marathon Expo

May 05, 2017/ Mark Remy
Runners Hit 'Breaking2' Marathon Expo

Elites grab their race packets and enjoy free CLIF samples.

Read More
May 05, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marathons, Expo, Asics
May 04, 2017

BREAKING: Nike Scientists Create 1:59 Marathon in Test Tube

May 04, 2017/ Mark Remy
BREAKING: Nike Scientists Create 1:59 Marathon in Test Tube

A laboratory setting affords "absolute control over every variable."

Read More
May 04, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marathons, Nike, Science
May 02, 2017

EXCLUSIVE: Nike Is the Mystery Company Behind 'Breaking2' Effort

May 02, 2017/ Mark Remy
EXCLUSIVE: Nike Is the Mystery Company Behind 'Breaking2' Effort

The footwear maker had hoped to keep its support quiet. 

Read More
May 02, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marketing, Marathons, Nike
May 01, 2017

Runner Checks Out Reflection in Storefront Window

May 01, 2017/ Mark Remy
Runner Checks Out Reflection in Storefront Window

Once past the store, he resumed looking forward.

Read More
May 01, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Vanity, Storefront window, Checking self out
April 26, 2017

5 Stretches You Should Never Do

April 26, 2017/ Mark Remy
5 Stretches You Should Never Do

And what you can do instead.

Read More
April 26, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Stretching, Never
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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