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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

Satire You Can Trust, Since 2015

Running News from DumbRunner.com

Running news, running commentary, and running humor from DumbRunner.com, updated several times every week.

Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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May 04, 2017

BREAKING: Nike Scientists Create 1:59 Marathon in Test Tube

May 04, 2017/ Mark Remy
BREAKING: Nike Scientists Create 1:59 Marathon in Test Tube

A laboratory setting affords "absolute control over every variable."

Read More
May 04, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marathons, Nike, Science
May 02, 2017

EXCLUSIVE: Nike Is the Mystery Company Behind 'Breaking2' Effort

May 02, 2017/ Mark Remy
EXCLUSIVE: Nike Is the Mystery Company Behind 'Breaking2' Effort

The footwear maker had hoped to keep its support quiet. 

Read More
May 02, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Breaking2, Marketing, Marathons, Nike
May 01, 2017

Runner Checks Out Reflection in Storefront Window

May 01, 2017/ Mark Remy
Runner Checks Out Reflection in Storefront Window

Once past the store, he resumed looking forward.

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May 01, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Vanity, Storefront window, Checking self out
April 26, 2017

5 Stretches You Should Never Do

April 26, 2017/ Mark Remy
5 Stretches You Should Never Do

And what you can do instead.

Read More
April 26, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Stretching, Never
April 24, 2017

'Marathon' Image Laughable, Even by Stock Photo Standards

April 24, 2017/ Mark Remy
'Marathon' Image Laughable, Even by Stock Photo Standards

Generic bib numbers just the start, sources say.

Read More
April 24, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire
Marathons, Fake, Stock photos
April 19, 2017

Gate Agent Relieved She Can Stop Feigning Interest in Marathon

April 19, 2017/ Mark Remy
Gate Agent Relieved She Can Stop Feigning Interest in Marathon

"Thank God, that's over for another year."

Read More
April 19, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Boston Marathon, Boston, Air travel, Feigned interest
April 18, 2017

Man Forgets Boston Marathon Jacket on Plane

April 18, 2017/ Mark Remy
Man Forgets Boston Marathon Jacket on Plane

Cherished souvenir is left in an overhead bin.

Read More
April 18, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Boston Marathon, Jacket, Air travel
April 17, 2017

Man at Mile 2 of Boston Marathon Pretty Sure He's En Route to Huge PR

April 17, 2017/ Mark Remy
Man at Mile 2 of Boston Marathon Pretty Sure He's En Route to Huge PR

"I am flying!" first-time Boston participant thinks to self.

Read More
April 17, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Boston Marathon, PR, Hubris
April 14, 2017

Hopkinton Plant Life Braces for Annual Onslaught of Urine

April 14, 2017/ Mark Remy
Hopkinton Plant Life Braces for Annual Onslaught of Urine

"We have a love/hate relationship with the marathon," said a blooming shrub.

Read More
April 14, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Boston Marathon, Hopkinton, Plants, Urine
April 11, 2017

Pence Warns Boston Marathon Runners of 'Wicked' Wellesley

April 11, 2017/ Mark Remy
Pence Warns Boston Marathon Runners of 'Wicked' Wellesley

The VP sees undue temptation in a marathon tradition.

Read More
April 11, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Mike Pence, Boston Marathon, Wellesley, Scream Tunnel, Kiss
April 04, 2017

Woman Can't Quite Place Smell She's Picking Up From Yoga Mat

April 04, 2017/ Mark Remy
Woman Can't Quite Place Smell She's Picking Up From Yoga Mat

A loaner from the hotel fitness center is a source of mystery.

Read More
April 04, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Yoga, Yoga mat, Smell, Funk
April 02, 2017

Distance Running Destroys Lungs, Says Study

April 02, 2017/ Mark Remy
Distance Running Destroys Lungs, Says Study

Research finds 9 of 10 marathoners suffer from tachypnea.

Read More
April 02, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Marathons, Lungs, Tachypnea, Hidden Health Risks
March 26, 2017

Kid Leading Race Has Awful Form, Man Reports

March 26, 2017/ Mark Remy
Kid Leading Race Has Awful Form, Man Reports

"Look at that heel strike," says Tot Trot spectator.

Read More
March 26, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Kids, Form, Kids race
March 21, 2017

Man's Rage at Marathon Cheaters Starting to Freak Friends Out

March 21, 2017/ Mark Remy
Man's Rage at Marathon Cheaters Starting to Freak Friends Out

"I'm like, Dude. Get a grip," says a coworker.

Read More
March 21, 2017/ Mark Remy/
News, Satire
Cheating, Marathons, Rage
March 07, 2017

Marlboro Announces Half-Marathon Race Series

March 07, 2017/ Mark Remy
Marlboro Announces Half-Marathon Race Series

Cigarette maker targets "today's active smoker."

Read More
March 07, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Marlboro, Racing, Sponsorships, Smokin'
February 20, 2017

Here's How You Can #Run4Sweden

February 20, 2017/ Mark Remy
Here's How You Can #Run4Sweden

Join us in honoring those not lost in an attack that didn't happen.

Read More
February 20, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Sweden, Never forget, Donald Trump
February 05, 2017

Inspired by Forrest Gump, Man Runs Across U.S., Fights in Vietnam, Gets Shot in Buttocks, Becomes Table Tennis Champ, Buys Fleet of Shrimping Boats

February 05, 2017/ Mark Remy
Inspired by Forrest Gump, Man Runs Across U.S., Fights in Vietnam, Gets Shot in Buttocks, Becomes Table Tennis Champ, Buys Fleet of Shrimping Boats

"It's been a heck of an experience."

Read More
February 05, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Forrest Gump, Vietnam, Shrimp, Table Tennis
January 29, 2017

With Executive Order, Trump Bans Metric Race Distances

January 29, 2017/ Mark Remy
With Executive Order, Trump Bans Metric Race Distances

For American runners, a farewell to the 5K—and more.

Read More
January 29, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Racing, Metric system, Donald Trump
January 18, 2017

Dog Who Ran Half-Marathon Accused of Cheating

January 18, 2017/ Mark Remy
Dog Who Ran Half-Marathon Accused of Cheating

Missing data paints a damning picture, a website says.

Read More
January 18, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Dogs, Racing, Cheating
January 03, 2017

Guy on Next Treadmill Definitely Just Farted

January 03, 2017/ Mark Remy
Guy on Next Treadmill Definitely Just Farted

The incident occurred just moments after the man had started using the machine.

Read More
January 03, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, News
Flatulence, Fart, Treadmill
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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