Guy on Next Treadmill Definitely Just Farted

The guy on the next treadmill farted just now, for sure, a source tells Dumb Runner.

"At first I wasn't sure what had happened," said the gym-goer, a 34-year-old woman who requested anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the story. "But it became obvious pretty quickly. Dude just let one rip, right there on the treadmill."

"What the hell?" she added.

The incident occurred just moments after the man had started using the machine.

"I was about 15 minutes into my own run," she explained. "Zoned out, just doing my thing."

"Then this guy climbs onto the treadmill right next to mine, starts jogging, then ramps up the speed."

That was when she heard what she described as "a little, sharp trumpet blast." And then another.

"It was at least four or five in a row, rhythmic, timed with the guy's stride," she said. "I was like, Is that what I think it is?"

Moments later, she said, an odor confirmed that it was.

The gym was crowded and clamorous at the time, a fact that the man might have been using to his advantage, the woman suggested.

"If that was the case," she said, "he overplayed his hand. Believe me—nothing was going to mask that (expletive)."

The guy on the next treadmill could not be located for comment. According to another anonymous source, he was in the men's locker room, naked, using a gym-provided hair dryer to style his pubic hair.