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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

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June 07, 2021

Ransomware Attack Shuts Down Major GU Pipeline

June 07, 2021/ Mark Remy
Ransomware Attack Shuts Down Major GU Pipeline

Hackers threaten fuel supply for millions.

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June 07, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire
GU, Energy, Pipeline, Ransomware, Fuel
March 31, 2021

‘Long Runs Really Give Me Time to Think,’ Says Man Who Spends Most of His Long Runs Thinking About Waffles

March 31, 2021/ Mark Remy
‘Long Runs Really Give Me Time to Think,’ Says Man Who Spends Most of His Long Runs Thinking About Waffles

“With butter and syrup,” says runner. “Maybe a milkshake.”

Read More
March 31, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, real
Waffles, Breakfast, Fantasizing, Hunger, Long runs
February 24, 2021

7 Foods to Eat After Your Run

February 24, 2021/ Mark Remy
7 Foods to Eat After Your Run

It’s mostly fries.

Read More
February 24, 2021/ Mark Remy/
real, Nutrition
Diet, Postrace nutrition, Fries, Deliciousness
January 13, 2021

Local Runner Always Has Something He’s Trying to ‘Sweat Out’

January 13, 2021/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Always Has Something He’s Trying to ‘Sweat Out’

Man relies on perspiration to purge effects of dietary vices.

Read More
January 13, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Sweat, Bad habits, Toxins, Cleanse
December 07, 2020

Beach Runner Regrets Eating That Thing She Found

December 07, 2020/ Mark Remy
Beach Runner Regrets Eating That Thing She Found

Decision seems foolish in retrospect.

Read More
December 07, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Beach Runner, Stomach pain, Seafood, Regret
November 25, 2020

CLIF Launches Line of 100% Meat-Free Energy Bars

November 25, 2020/ Mark Remy
CLIF Launches Line of 100% Meat-Free Energy Bars

New line boasts “no beef, no pork… but all the flavor,” company says.

Read More
November 25, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
CLIF, Meat, Energy bars, Sports nutrition, Beef, Pork
November 02, 2020

Child Makes Mental Note to Skip Local Runner's House Next Halloween

November 02, 2020/ Mark Remy
Child Makes Mental Note to Skip Local Runner's House Next Halloween

Nothing “fun” about alleged treat, little girl decides.

Read More
November 02, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
GU, Halloween, Trick or treat, Fun
August 10, 2020

Woman Still Waiting for Energy Bar to Kick In

August 10, 2020/ Mark Remy
Woman Still Waiting for Energy Bar to Kick In

Product may be defective, a source speculates.

Read More
August 10, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Energy bars, Energy, Nutrition, Fuel, Meh
July 09, 2020

KitKat Fits in Phone Pouch, Local Runner Delighted to Discover

July 09, 2020/ Mark Remy
KitKat Fits in Phone Pouch, Local Runner Delighted to Discover

For avid snacker, realization opens world of possibilities.

Read More
July 09, 2020/ Mark Remy/
May 23, 2020

Hormel Rolls Out Line of Sports Hams

May 23, 2020/ Mark Remy
Hormel Rolls Out Line of Sports Hams

Hormel Endurance® will comprise electrolyte-infused hams in a variety of options, company says.

Read More
May 23, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Sports nutrition, Ham, Hormel, Meat, Electrolytes
March 30, 2020

Sports Drink Marketer Suddenly Remembers His ‘Immunity’ Product Doesn’t Actually Do Anything

March 30, 2020/ Mark Remy
Sports Drink Marketer Suddenly Remembers His ‘Immunity’ Product Doesn’t Actually Do Anything

Bogus formulation may have real-life consequences, man realizes.

Read More
March 30, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Sports nutrition, Hydration, Immunity, Immune system, Placebo, Sham
March 23, 2020

GU, Purell Introduce Co-Branded Gel

March 23, 2020/ Mark Remy
GU, Purell Introduce Co-Branded Gel

New product disinfects hands and provides quick-digesting carbs.

Read More
March 23, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
GU, Purell, Sanitizer, Public health, Coronavirus, COVID-19
March 11, 2020

Local Runner Uses ‘Cheat Day’ to Eat Ice Cream, Sleep With Neighbor’s Wife

March 11, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Uses ‘Cheat Day’ to Eat Ice Cream, Sleep With Neighbor’s Wife

“If I didn’t have my cheat days, I’d go crazy,” says man.

Read More
March 11, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition
Diet, Nutrition, Cheat days, Ice cream, Indulge
January 13, 2020

Local Man Not Feeling So Well After Consuming Steady Diet of Junk for Several Decades

January 13, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Man Not Feeling So Well After Consuming Steady Diet of Junk for Several Decades

“Must have been something I ate,” says victim.

Read More
January 13, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Diet, Tummy ache, Nutrition, Pain, Bad habits
January 06, 2020

Bear Super Mellow After Ingesting 160-Pound Marijuana Edible

January 06, 2020/ Mark Remy
Bear Super Mellow After Ingesting 160-Pound Marijuana Edible

Ultra runner yields 250 mg dose of THC.

Read More
January 06, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Trail running, Bear, Cannabis, THC
December 23, 2019

Runner Listens to Body, Eats Entire Tin of Caramel Corn

December 23, 2019/ Mark Remy
Runner Listens to Body, Eats Entire Tin of Caramel Corn

Woman sees decorative 1.26-gallon container, trusts her instincts.

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December 23, 2019/ Mark Remy/
December 02, 2019

New CLIF PALEO Bars Basically Just Grilled Chicken Breasts

December 02, 2019/ Mark Remy
New CLIF PALEO Bars Basically Just Grilled Chicken Breasts

New product aimed at “today’s busy, caveman-inspired athlete.”

Read More
December 02, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Keto, Diet, CLIF, Energy bars
October 04, 2019

Chef Boyardee Cancels Rollout of Salazar-Endorsed Testosteroni®

October 04, 2019/ Mark Remy
Chef Boyardee Cancels Rollout of Salazar-Endorsed Testosteroni®

Canned pasta giant cites doping ban in decision to sever ties.

Read More
October 04, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Salazar, Canned pasta, Chef Boyardee, Testosterone, Nike Oregon Project, Doping
August 14, 2019

Lunch Sad

August 14, 2019/ Mark Remy
Lunch Sad

Personal trainer listlessly stabs at salad greens.

Read More
August 14, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Real
Lunch, Sad, Lettuce, Nutrition
June 03, 2019

Michelob Ultra Launches 'This Is Basically Water' Campaign

June 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
Michelob Ultra Launches 'This Is Basically Water' Campaign

Brand tries another tack in targeting runners and other athletes.

Read More
June 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Hydration, Beer, Michelob Ultra, Water, Advertising
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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