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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com
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June 09, 2024

Little Debbie Snack Brand Pivots to Sports Nutrition

June 09, 2024/ Mark Remy
Little Debbie Snack Brand Pivots to Sports Nutrition

Snack cake maker targets endurance athlete market.

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June 09, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Snack cakes, Little Debbie, Marketing, Sports nutrition, Fuel
May 01, 2024

In Sponsored Post, FDA Calls GU Energy Chews Unsafe For Anyone Allergic to Outrageously Delicious Flavors

May 01, 2024/ Mark Remy
In Sponsored Post, FDA Calls GU Energy Chews Unsafe For Anyone Allergic to Outrageously Delicious Flavors

“We recall these products… fondly!” says federal agency.

Read More
May 01, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
GU, Sports nutrition, Sponsored post, FDA, Integrity, Outrageously delicious
June 14, 2023

Scientists at Gatorade Sports Science Institute Pretty Fucking Sick of Gatorade

June 14, 2023/ Mark Remy
Scientists at Gatorade Sports Science Institute Pretty Fucking Sick of Gatorade

“Gatorade this, Gatorade that, blah-blah-blah,” researchers say.

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June 14, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Science, Sports nutrition, Hydration, Gatorade, Sick
June 12, 2023

Nabisco Influencer Taps Into the Power of Nilla to Fuel Her Runs

June 12, 2023/ Mark Remy
Nabisco Influencer Taps Into the Power of Nilla to Fuel Her Runs

“Nilla Wafers are a great source of nilla,” says woman.

Read More
June 12, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Sports nutrition, Cookies, Nabisco, Nilla, Wafers, Influencer
November 25, 2020

CLIF Launches Line of 100% Meat-Free Energy Bars

November 25, 2020/ Mark Remy
CLIF Launches Line of 100% Meat-Free Energy Bars

New line boasts “no beef, no pork… but all the flavor,” company says.

Read More
November 25, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
CLIF, Meat, Energy bars, Sports nutrition, Beef, Pork
May 23, 2020

Hormel Rolls Out Line of Sports Hams

May 23, 2020/ Mark Remy
Hormel Rolls Out Line of Sports Hams

Hormel Endurance® will comprise electrolyte-infused hams in a variety of options, company says.

Read More
May 23, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Sports nutrition, Ham, Hormel, Meat, Electrolytes
March 30, 2020

Sports Drink Marketer Suddenly Remembers His ‘Immunity’ Product Doesn’t Actually Do Anything

March 30, 2020/ Mark Remy
Sports Drink Marketer Suddenly Remembers His ‘Immunity’ Product Doesn’t Actually Do Anything

Bogus formulation may have real-life consequences, man realizes.

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March 30, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Sports nutrition, Hydration, Immunity, Immune system, Placebo, Sham
May 22, 2019

Gatorade Introduces 'GatorVape' Electrolyte Juice

May 22, 2019/ Mark Remy
Gatorade Introduces 'GatorVape' Electrolyte Juice

New product line targets younger active consumers.

Read More
May 22, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Gatorade, Vaping, Sports nutrition, Electrolytes
June 19, 2018

'Chocolate Milk Is Nature's Perfect Recovery Drink,' Intones Journalist Just Back From Dairy Industry Luncheon

June 19, 2018/ Mark Remy
'Chocolate Milk Is Nature's Perfect Recovery Drink,' Intones Journalist Just Back From Dairy Industry Luncheon

Woman robotically praises beverage’s 3:1 carb-to-protein ratio and B vitamins.

Read More
June 19, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Chocolate milk, Sports nutrition, Postrace nutrition, Journalism
February 14, 2018

Report: Brownies Also 'Bars' That Provide 'Energy'

February 14, 2018/ Mark Remy
Report: Brownies Also 'Bars' That Provide 'Energy'

National Baked Goods Council touts a treat as ideal for workouts.

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February 14, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Sports nutrition, Brownies, Energy, Energy bars, Fudgy, Cakelike
November 12, 2017

Mysterious Peddler Offers Trail Runner Magic Beans

November 12, 2017/ Mark Remy
Mysterious Peddler Offers Trail Runner Magic Beans

"Clinically proven to maximize performance," claims wizened stranger. 

Read More
November 12, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Sports nutrition, Magic beans, Mysterious peddler
January 24, 2017

New Gatorade NAZAL Promises 'Instant Rush'

January 24, 2017/ Mark Remy
New Gatorade NAZAL Promises 'Instant Rush'

Energy powder is aimed at on-the-go athletes looking for "an extra bump." 

Read More
January 24, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Snort, Gatorade NAZAL, Sports nutrition
January 10, 2017

Man Takes Break to Fuel Up While Shopping for Fuel

January 10, 2017/ Mark Remy
Man Takes Break to Fuel Up While Shopping for Fuel

"You gotta stay fueled up," he says. "Just like a race car, you know? 

Read More
January 10, 2017/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition
Satire, Nutrition, Sports nutrition, Hydration
September 21, 2016

PowerBar Introduces New Line of Runner Feed

September 21, 2016/ Mark Remy
PowerBar Introduces New Line of Runner Feed

Runner Chow is called a "dry food" for busy endurance athletes.

Read More
September 21, 2016/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition
Satire, Runner Chow, PowerBar, Sports nutrition
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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