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November 25, 2020

CLIF Launches Line of 100% Meat-Free Energy Bars

November 25, 2020/ Mark Remy
CLIF Launches Line of 100% Meat-Free Energy Bars

New line boasts “no beef, no pork… but all the flavor,” company says.

Read More
November 25, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
CLIF, Meat, Energy bars, Sports nutrition, Beef, Pork
November 02, 2020

Child Makes Mental Note to Skip Local Runner's House Next Halloween

November 02, 2020/ Mark Remy
Child Makes Mental Note to Skip Local Runner's House Next Halloween

Nothing “fun” about alleged treat, little girl decides.

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November 02, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
GU, Halloween, Trick or treat, Fun
August 10, 2020

Woman Still Waiting for Energy Bar to Kick In

August 10, 2020/ Mark Remy
Woman Still Waiting for Energy Bar to Kick In

Product may be defective, a source speculates.

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August 10, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Energy bars, Energy, Nutrition, Fuel, Meh
May 23, 2020

Hormel Rolls Out Line of Sports Hams

May 23, 2020/ Mark Remy
Hormel Rolls Out Line of Sports Hams

Hormel Endurance® will comprise electrolyte-infused hams in a variety of options, company says.

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May 23, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Sports nutrition, Ham, Hormel, Meat, Electrolytes
March 30, 2020

Sports Drink Marketer Suddenly Remembers His ‘Immunity’ Product Doesn’t Actually Do Anything

March 30, 2020/ Mark Remy
Sports Drink Marketer Suddenly Remembers His ‘Immunity’ Product Doesn’t Actually Do Anything

Bogus formulation may have real-life consequences, man realizes.

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March 30, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Sports nutrition, Hydration, Immunity, Immune system, Placebo, Sham
March 23, 2020

GU, Purell Introduce Co-Branded Gel

March 23, 2020/ Mark Remy
GU, Purell Introduce Co-Branded Gel

New product disinfects hands and provides quick-digesting carbs.

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March 23, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
GU, Purell, Sanitizer, Public health, Coronavirus, COVID-19
January 13, 2020

Local Man Not Feeling So Well After Consuming Steady Diet of Junk for Several Decades

January 13, 2020/ Mark Remy
Local Man Not Feeling So Well After Consuming Steady Diet of Junk for Several Decades

“Must have been something I ate,” says victim.

Read More
January 13, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Diet, Tummy ache, Nutrition, Pain, Bad habits
January 06, 2020

Bear Super Mellow After Ingesting 160-Pound Marijuana Edible

January 06, 2020/ Mark Remy
Bear Super Mellow After Ingesting 160-Pound Marijuana Edible

Ultra runner yields 250 mg dose of THC.

Read More
January 06, 2020/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Trail running, Bear, Cannabis, THC
December 02, 2019

New CLIF PALEO Bars Basically Just Grilled Chicken Breasts

December 02, 2019/ Mark Remy
New CLIF PALEO Bars Basically Just Grilled Chicken Breasts

New product aimed at “today’s busy, caveman-inspired athlete.”

Read More
December 02, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Keto, Diet, CLIF, Energy bars
October 04, 2019

Chef Boyardee Cancels Rollout of Salazar-Endorsed Testosteroni®

October 04, 2019/ Mark Remy
Chef Boyardee Cancels Rollout of Salazar-Endorsed Testosteroni®

Canned pasta giant cites doping ban in decision to sever ties.

Read More
October 04, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Salazar, Canned pasta, Chef Boyardee, Testosterone, Nike Oregon Project, Doping
June 03, 2019

Michelob Ultra Launches 'This Is Basically Water' Campaign

June 03, 2019/ Mark Remy
Michelob Ultra Launches 'This Is Basically Water' Campaign

Brand tries another tack in targeting runners and other athletes.

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June 03, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Hydration, Beer, Michelob Ultra, Water, Advertising
May 22, 2019

Gatorade Introduces 'GatorVape' Electrolyte Juice

May 22, 2019/ Mark Remy
Gatorade Introduces 'GatorVape' Electrolyte Juice

New product line targets younger active consumers.

Read More
May 22, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Gatorade, Vaping, Sports nutrition, Electrolytes
May 13, 2019

Anti-Sugar PSA Makes Man Want a Soda

May 13, 2019/ Mark Remy
Anti-Sugar PSA Makes Man Want a Soda

“Man, that looks so good,” says thirsty consumer.

Read More
May 13, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire, real
Soda, Sugar, Nutrition
April 29, 2019

Sad, Lonely Man Begins Frozen Pizza Roll-Loading for Marathon

April 29, 2019/ Mark Remy
Sad, Lonely Man Begins Frozen Pizza Roll-Loading for Marathon

“I eat a lot of pizza rolls,” says bachelor.

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April 29, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Carb loading, Nutrition, Pizza rolls, Sad, Lonely
April 10, 2019

Legal Sea Foods to Sponsor 'Chowder Zone' at Mile 20 of Boston Marathon

April 10, 2019/ Mark Remy
Legal Sea Foods to Sponsor 'Chowder Zone' at Mile 20 of Boston Marathon

Restaurant chain says “steaming-hot cups of ocean-fresh goodness” will help runners conquer Heartbreak Hill.

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April 10, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Fuel, Nutrition, Marathons, Boston Marathon, Seafood
March 19, 2019

Nuun Rolls Out 'Nuun None' Placebo Tablets

March 19, 2019/ Mark Remy
Nuun Rolls Out 'Nuun None' Placebo Tablets

Company’s latest line “taps into the power of the human mind.”

Read More
March 19, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Nuun, Hydration, Magic beans, Nutrition
February 27, 2019

Might as Well Finish Pie, Study Finds

February 27, 2019/ Mark Remy
Might as Well Finish Pie, Study Finds

Findings hold true regardless of the size of the last piece.

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February 27, 2019/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Studies, Research, Pie, Nutrition
September 26, 2018

Ask Dr. Dumb: Can Beef Improve My Performance?

September 26, 2018/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: Can Beef Improve My Performance?

Short answer: Yes. Especially if you’re a marathon runner.

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September 26, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Nutrition
Meat, Beef, Ask Dr. Dumb
September 11, 2018

New Diet Plan Calls for Eating Modest Amounts of Variety of Foods

September 11, 2018/ Mark Remy
New Diet Plan Calls for Eating Modest Amounts of Variety of Foods

Experts skeptical that “balanced, common-sense” approach will catch on.

Read More
September 11, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Nutrition, Satire
Diet, Fads, Variety, Healthy
August 29, 2018

Study: Doughnuts Make Breakfast 80% More Delicious

August 29, 2018/ Mark Remy
Study: Doughnuts Make Breakfast 80% More Delicious

Findings are “good news” for fans of tastiness, researcher says.

Read More
August 29, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Real, Nutrition
Doughnuts, Breakfast, Research, Sprinkles
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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