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August 17, 2022

Tracksmith Meeting Descends Into Chaos When Designer Floats Idea of Double-Striped Singlet

August 17, 2022/ Mark Remy
Tracksmith Meeting Descends Into Chaos When Designer Floats Idea of Double-Striped Singlet

“Who the hell do you think you are?” coworker screams.

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August 17, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Design, Tracksmith, Meeting, Radical departure, New gear
July 13, 2022

Smartwatch Tracks Runner’s Heart Breaking in Real Time

July 13, 2022/ Mark Remy
Smartwatch Tracks Runner’s Heart Breaking in Real Time

Man saves data for later analysis.

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July 13, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Watches, Data, Love, Breakup, Heart
June 27, 2022

Western States Finisher Starting to Think No One Will Ever Ask About His Belt Buckle

June 27, 2022/ Mark Remy
Western States Finisher Starting to Think No One Will Ever Ask About His Belt Buckle

Local runner wonders whether it was all worth it.

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June 27, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Western States, Belt buckles, Medals
June 01, 2022

Comments on Runner’s Shoe Review Video Almost Entirely Decorating Tips

June 01, 2022/ Mark Remy
Comments on Runner’s Shoe Review Video Almost Entirely Decorating Tips

“Get some plants,” one viewer suggests. “Something.”

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June 01, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Running shoes, Reviews, YouTube, Interior decorating, Sad
May 25, 2022

Kipchoge Narrows Medal Rack Choices Down to Two

May 25, 2022/ Mark Remy
Kipchoge Narrows Medal Rack Choices Down to Two

Marathon champ struggles to decide.

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May 25, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Eliud Kipchoge, Marat, Medals, Etsy, Hard decisions
May 11, 2022

Nike Executive Psychs Self Up for Big Shoelace Presentation

May 11, 2022/ Mark Remy
Nike Executive Psychs Self Up for Big Shoelace Presentation

“You got this,” man tells self in restroom mirror.

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May 11, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Shoelaces, Presentation, Nike, Pep talk, Restroom, Mirror, Corporate America
March 14, 2022

‘Do You Need a Massage Gun?’ Asks Website That Makes Money Every Time Someone Buys a Massage Gun

March 14, 2022/ Mark Remy
‘Do You Need a Massage Gun?’ Asks Website That Makes Money Every Time Someone Buys a Massage Gun

Author concludes readers should purchase product.

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March 14, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Running gear, Recovery, Massager, Editorial integrity, Media, Ethics, Shopping
February 21, 2022

Local Runner Wishes He Had a Helmet So He Could Do That Cool Thing That Cyclists Do With Their Sunglasses

February 21, 2022/ Mark Remy
Local Runner Wishes He Had a Helmet So He Could Do That Cool Thing That Cyclists Do With Their Sunglasses

Resting eyewear on top of his head “just not the same,” says man.

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February 21, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Helmets, Eyewear, Sunglasses, Envy
February 07, 2022

Metaphor for Life’s Grim Futility Has Handy Little Place to Keep Water Bottle

February 07, 2022/ Mark Remy
Metaphor for Life’s Grim Futility Has Handy Little Place to Keep Water Bottle

Modern convenience a nice touch on machine designed for punishment.

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February 07, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Treadmill, Life's grim futility, Slake, Hydration, Symbolism
January 19, 2022

2022 Boston Marathon Jacket Pays Homage to B.A.A. Unicorn

January 19, 2022/ Mark Remy
2022 Boston Marathon Jacket Pays Homage to B.A.A. Unicorn

Reaction to unusual design is mixed.

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January 19, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Boston Marathon, Adidas, Jackets, Unicorn horn
January 05, 2022

Nike Says All Its Running Shoes Will Be Electric by 2025

January 05, 2022/ Mark Remy
Nike Says All Its Running Shoes Will Be Electric by 2025

Other brands expected to follow suit.

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January 05, 2022/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Shoes, Running shoes, Nike, Electric, Climate change, Technology run amok
October 20, 2021

New Headlamp Powerful, But Can’t Illuminate Running Partner’s Mysterious Past

October 20, 2021/ Mark Remy
New Headlamp Powerful, But Can’t Illuminate Running Partner’s Mysterious Past

Speculation about local runner’s past abounds.

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October 20, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Headlamps, Lights, Illunination, Mysterious pasts, Running partner, Running in the dark, Nighttime running
October 18, 2021

Psychopath Runner Owns One Pair of Running Shoes

October 18, 2021/ Mark Remy
Psychopath Runner Owns One Pair of Running Shoes

Officials urge everyone to give lunatic “a wide berth.”

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October 18, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Psychosis, Running shoes, Shopping
September 27, 2021

Local Woman Discovers ‘Massager’ Really Is Massager

September 27, 2021/ Mark Remy
Local Woman Discovers ‘Massager’ Really Is Massager

Recently purchased product fails to meet consumer’s needs.

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September 27, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Massager, Tools, Disappointment, Sex
September 08, 2021

Running Store Customer Checking Out Alphafly NEXT% Visibly Aroused

September 08, 2021/ Mark Remy
Running Store Customer Checking Out Alphafly NEXT% Visibly Aroused

Man eventually leaves empty-handed.

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September 08, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Nike, Shoes, Running shoes, Specialty running stores, Arousal
July 21, 2021

Old Runner Has Old Jacket

July 21, 2021/ Mark Remy
Old Runner Has Old Jacket

Nylon windbreaker not worn ironically, sources say.

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July 21, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Running gear, Jackets, Aging, Irony, Vintage
May 26, 2021

Study Finds Sole of Alphafly NEXT% Shoe Is ‘All Kinds of F***ed Up’

May 26, 2021/ Mark Remy
Study Finds Sole of Alphafly NEXT% Shoe Is ‘All Kinds of F***ed Up’

Report will appear in The Journal of Weird-Looking Shit.

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May 26, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Shoes, Running shoes, New gear, Nike
April 14, 2021

Online Running Store Actively Tries to Discourage Purchase of Short Shorts

April 14, 2021/ Mark Remy
Online Running Store Actively Tries to Discourage Purchase of Short Shorts

Automated message gently suggests other options.

Read More
April 14, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Shorts, New gear, Shopping
April 05, 2021

Running Store Employee Still Laughing About Guy Who Came In Looking For Shoes Under $50

April 05, 2021/ Mark Remy
Running Store Employee Still Laughing About Guy Who Came In Looking For Shoes Under $50

Customer leaves without making purchase.

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April 05, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Running shoes, Specialty running stores, Running gear, Laughter
February 10, 2021

Owner of 7 Running Jackets ‘Just Looking’ at Running Jackets

February 10, 2021/ Mark Remy
Owner of 7 Running Jackets ‘Just Looking’ at Running Jackets

Local runner notes that garment on screen isn’t technically a running jacket.

Read More
February 10, 2021/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Jackets, Running gear, Consumerism, Rationalization
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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