Study Finds Sole of Alphafly NEXT% Shoe Is ‘All Kinds of F***ed Up’
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The sole of Nike’s Alphafly NEXT% shoe is “all kinds of fucked up,” according to a new months-long study by a team of researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
“As scientists, we have seen some crazy-ass stuff in our time,” said Tina Yothers, Ph.D., an MIT professor and the study’s lead author. “But this shoe really takes the cake.”
“I mean, just look at this fucking thing,” she added.
To conduct their study, Yothers and her team bought a pair of Alphafly NEXT% shoes, which retail for $275, and looked at them from several angles in their lab. The analysis, said Yothers, led them to conclude that the Alphafly NEXT% is bonkers.
Specifically, the team found, the shoe’s sole “is, like, a foot thick,” “goes all swoopy and pointy, for some reason, in the back,” and “gets all wide and splayed-ass in the front, which, we were all, like, What the fuck?”
The team also singled out “this big, knobby module thingy” under the ball of the foot with a “translucent sort of window, we guess so you can see the technology or something.”
“We can now say definitively that this is one fucked-up-looking shoe,” Yothers said. “Yowza.”
The study will be published in next week’s issue of The Journal of Weird-Looking Shit.
