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April 23, 2025

Smiling Runner in Matching Outfit Seems to Have It All Figured Out

April 23, 2025/ Mark Remy
Smiling Runner in Matching Outfit Seems to Have It All Figured Out

Passing woman provides stark contrast to your own sorry-ass life.

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April 23, 2025/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Matching outfit, Running gear, Smiling, Sorry-ass life
March 19, 2025

Local Runner’s Emergency ‘Go Bag’ Just a Hydration Pack With a Shitload of Stroopwafels

March 19, 2025/ Mark Remy
Local Runner’s Emergency ‘Go Bag’ Just a Hydration Pack With a Shitload of Stroopwafels

“Everything I need is in that pack,” says ultra endurance athlete.

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March 19, 2025/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Fuel, Emergency, Go bag, Shit, Fan, Hydration, Running gear
March 12, 2025

Treadmill Prompts User to Add Tip

March 12, 2025/ Mark Remy
Treadmill Prompts User to Add Tip

Local runner taken aback.

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March 12, 2025/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Treadmill, Tipping, Screens
March 07, 2025

Dumb Runner Illustrated #124: 'Heaven'

March 07, 2025/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #124: 'Heaven'

Reunited, and it feels so good.

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March 07, 2025/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Comics, Heaven, Running shoes, Shoes, Gram-Gram
February 21, 2025

Dumb Runner Illustrated #123: 'Nice Shoes'

February 21, 2025/ Mark Remy
Dumb Runner Illustrated #123: 'Nice Shoes'

They’re great for walking away from weird conversations.

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February 21, 2025/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Comics, Shoes, HOKA, Small talk
February 17, 2025

Nike Says It Will Stop Testing Shoes on Animals

February 17, 2025/ Mark Remy
Nike Says It Will Stop Testing Shoes on Animals

Better late than never, say activists.

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February 17, 2025/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Animal testing, Running shoes, Nike, Activism
December 09, 2024

2025 Boston Marathon Jacket Replaces Unicorn Logo With Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan

December 09, 2024/ Mark Remy
2025 Boston Marathon Jacket Replaces Unicorn Logo With Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan

“What the hell is this?” say commenters.

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December 09, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Boston Marathon, Adidas, Bank of America, Marketing
December 04, 2024

Smart Watch Apparently Not Smart Enough to Tell Man He's Running in Wrong Direction Around Track

December 04, 2024/ Mark Remy
Smart Watch Apparently Not Smart Enough to Tell Man He's Running in Wrong Direction Around Track

Basic running etiquette not included in fancy gadget’s programming.

Read More
December 04, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Watches, Smart, Etiquette, Track
November 19, 2024

The 2024 Dumb Runner Holiday Gift Guide

November 19, 2024/ Mark Remy
The 2024 Dumb Runner Holiday Gift Guide

Dozens of gift ideas that you and I can BOTH feel good about!

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November 19, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Gifts, Gear
Holiday gifts, Dumb Runner Gift Guide, Gift for runners
October 21, 2024

Tracksmith Gets ‘Intimate’ With Handcrafted Anal Beads

October 21, 2024/ Mark Remy
Tracksmith Gets ‘Intimate’ With Handcrafted Anal Beads

Risqué product is the first in upscale brand's new "P.M. collection."

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October 21, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Gifts, Satire, Gear
Tracksmith, Anal, Sex, Toys, Onyx, Plausible
September 23, 2024

Poser in HOKA T-Shirt Probably Can’t Even Name Three HOKA Models

September 23, 2024/ Mark Remy
Poser in HOKA T-Shirt Probably Can’t Even Name Three HOKA Models

Local runner scoffs at hipster's fashion choice.

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September 23, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
HOKA, Poser, Hipster, Fashion
June 24, 2024

Beginning Runner Not Yet Confident Enough to Try It Without Floaties

June 24, 2024/ Mark Remy
Beginning Runner Not Yet Confident Enough to Try It Without Floaties

Local woman still nervous.

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June 24, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Beginning runners, Floaties, Confidence
May 20, 2024

Runner Who Just Got $55 Tracksmith Hat Not Much Happier Than He Was Before He Got $55 Tracksmith Hat

May 20, 2024/ Mark Remy
Runner Who Just Got $55 Tracksmith Hat Not Much Happier Than He Was Before He Got $55 Tracksmith Hat

Limited-edition item barely moves the needle on man’s mood.

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May 20, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
Tracksmith, Happiness, Consumerism, Fancy Hat
May 15, 2024

‘Nice Socks Are an Affordable Luxury,’ Says Runner Who Owns $437 Worth of Nice Socks

May 15, 2024/ Mark Remy
‘Nice Socks Are an Affordable Luxury,’ Says Runner Who Owns $437 Worth of Nice Socks

“You can always use another pair of socks,” woman adds.

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May 15, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Gear, Satire
New gear, Sock, Consum, Surfeit, Ratio
April 17, 2024

Nike Offers Sneak Peek at USATF Uniform for 2028 Olympics

April 17, 2024/ Mark Remy
Nike Offers Sneak Peek at USATF Uniform for 2028 Olympics

Photos depict model in various positions.

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April 17, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Nike, Olympics, Arousal, USATF, Sultry
April 01, 2024

In Hilarious April Fool's Prank, Running Shoe Makers Pledge to Move Factories From Asia to U.S.

April 01, 2024/ Mark Remy
In Hilarious April Fool's Prank, Running Shoe Makers Pledge to Move Factories From Asia to U.S.

“Ha ha!” says consortium of gear manufacturers.

Read More
April 01, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
April Fool's Day, Running shoes
March 27, 2024

Consumer Watchdogs Accuse Nike of 'Shrinkflation'

March 27, 2024/ Mark Remy
Consumer Watchdogs Accuse Nike of 'Shrinkflation'

Critics say footwear giant is giving runners less shoe for same price.

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March 27, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Prices, Gear, Running shoes, Shrinkflation
January 24, 2024

New Boston Marathon Jackets Will Expire After 10 Years, B.A.A. Says, Because ‘Come On, You Ran the Thing 10 Years Ago’

January 24, 2024/ Mark Remy
New Boston Marathon Jackets Will Expire After 10 Years, B.A.A. Says, Because ‘Come On, You Ran the Thing 10 Years Ago’

Fabric will be engineered to disintegrate after a decade.

Read More
January 24, 2024/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Jackets, Boston Marathon, Expiration date
December 18, 2023

‘At Least My Shoes Are Super,’ Sad Runner Tells Self

December 18, 2023/ Mark Remy
‘At Least My Shoes Are Super,’ Sad Runner Tells Self

Carbon-plated footwear provides shining light in world of darkness.

Read More
December 18, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Running shoes, Super shoes, Depression
December 13, 2023

Tracksmith Unveils ‘Back When Fat, Slow People Didn’t Run’-Scented Candle

December 13, 2023/ Mark Remy
Tracksmith Unveils ‘Back When Fat, Slow People Didn’t Run’-Scented Candle

Smell conjures nostalgia for a thinner, faster era, brand says.

Read More
December 13, 2023/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Gear
Tracksmith, Candles, Scent, Fat slow people, Holiday gifts
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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