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September 28, 2018

Woman Spends Entire Tempo Run Imagining Treadmill Belt Is Chuck Grassley's Face

September 28, 2018/ Mark Remy
Woman Spends Entire Tempo Run Imagining Treadmill Belt Is Chuck Grassley's Face

GOP Senator provides motivation at local gym.

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September 28, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Real, Training
Chuck Grassley, Patriarchy, Politics, Treadmill, Tempo run, Rage
September 18, 2018

'I Keep Volume at Safe Level,' Says Guy Who Routinely Jumps in Fright When Other Runners Pass Him

September 18, 2018/ Mark Remy
'I Keep Volume at Safe Level,' Says Guy Who Routinely Jumps in Fright When Other Runners Pass Him

A local runner is unaware of his lack of awareness.

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September 18, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Safety, Training
Music, Podcasts, Headphones, Earbuds, Situational awareness, Delusion
August 06, 2018

The Total Moron's Guide to Becoming a Runner

August 06, 2018/ Mark Remy
The Total Moron's Guide to Becoming a Runner

Don't know where to start? We’re here to help.

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August 06, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Real
Basics, Start running, Beginners, Training
July 30, 2018

Local Runner's Prerace Jitters Arrive Three Months Early

July 30, 2018/ Mark Remy
Local Runner's Prerace Jitters Arrive Three Months Early

Anxiety and self-doubt materialize well before marathon weekend.

Read More
July 30, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Racing, Training, Satire
Prerace jitters, Nerves, Marathon training
July 23, 2018

Guy in Middle of Run Shares Brazen Plan for Accessing Starbucks Restroom: 'I'm Gonna Walk Right Through the Front Door'

July 23, 2018/ Mark Remy
Guy in Middle of Run Shares Brazen Plan for Accessing Starbucks Restroom: 'I'm Gonna Walk Right Through the Front Door'

Cocksure runner describes tactic as “the one move they won’t be expecting.”

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July 23, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Real
Pee, Restroom, Starbucks, Brazen, No purchase
July 18, 2018

Anguished Runner Can't Remember How to Beat Heat

July 18, 2018/ Mark Remy
Anguished Runner Can't Remember How to Beat Heat

Man can’t decide what to wear, when to go, whether to hydrate.

Read More
July 18, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Heat, Panic, Tips, Training, Summer
May 29, 2018

Woman Prepares for Run By Yanking Leg Good and Hard

May 29, 2018/ Mark Remy
Woman Prepares for Run By Yanking Leg Good and Hard

"You ever have to detach a leg from a whole roasted chicken? It was like that."

Read More
May 29, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire, Injury prevention
Stretching
May 23, 2018

Report: Cannabis Can Help Runners Get High as F***

May 23, 2018/ Mark Remy
Report: Cannabis Can Help Runners Get High as F***

"The more we study cannabis, the more of its secrets we unlock," say researchers.

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May 23, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Marijuana, Cannabis, Research, High as fuck
May 14, 2018

Man's Marathon Recovery Enters 33rd Week

May 14, 2018/ Mark Remy
Man's Marathon Recovery Enters 33rd Week

Local runner tells friends he’s still feeling effects of race.

Read More
May 14, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Racing, Satire
Marathon, Recovery, Couch
May 09, 2018

Ask the Fitness Bro: 'The Kids Saw Us Having Sex! Now What?'

May 09, 2018/ Mark Remy
Ask the Fitness Bro: 'The Kids Saw Us Having Sex! Now What?'

You’ve got questions. He’s got answers.

Read More
May 09, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Todd, Fitness, Training, Personal trainer, Sex
April 30, 2018

Man Returns From Jog Completely Unharmed

April 30, 2018/ Mark Remy
Man Returns From Jog Completely Unharmed

No bodies found, no trauma endured during easy 3-mile jaunt.

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April 30, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Jogging, Harm
April 25, 2018

Retractable Leash Adds Element of Fun for Passing Runners

April 25, 2018/ Mark Remy
Retractable Leash Adds Element of Fun for Passing Runners

“Suddenly, I had to deal with this erratic hazard. It was, like, Oh, hello! I had to laugh."

Read More
April 25, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire, Safety
Dogs, Leash, Trail
April 23, 2018

Report: Old Guy Hauling Ass

April 23, 2018/ Mark Remy
Report: Old Guy Hauling Ass

Witnesses say silver-haired man "tearing it up" on local path.

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April 23, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Aging, Old guy, Hauling ass, Speed
April 04, 2018

Man Can’t Believe He's Been Pronouncing 'Strava' Wrong All This Time

April 04, 2018/ Mark Remy
Man Can’t Believe He's Been Pronouncing 'Strava' Wrong All This Time

Runner made phonetic flub for nearly two years before being corrected.

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April 04, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Embarrassment, Strava
March 21, 2018

NEW! Ask the Fitness Bro

March 21, 2018/ Mark Remy
NEW! Ask the Fitness Bro

You've got questions. He's got answers.

Read More
March 21, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Fitness, Training, Personal trainer, Todd
March 14, 2018

Boston Spectator Training Hard for Marathon

March 14, 2018/ Mark Remy
Boston Spectator Training Hard for Marathon

Local man's regimen involves standing, screaming, drinking.

Read More
March 14, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training
Boston Marathon, Marathon training, Beer, Wicked
February 28, 2018

Concierge Has Idea For Where Guest Can Run

February 28, 2018/ Mark Remy
Concierge Has Idea For Where Guest Can Run

Hotel staffer suggests 0.9-mile "fitness path."

Read More
February 28, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Hotel, Desk clerk, Travel
February 26, 2018

'I Don't Care About Pace,' Says Woman Who's Always Half a Step Ahead

February 26, 2018/ Mark Remy
'I Don't Care About Pace,' Says Woman Who's Always Half a Step Ahead

Local runner touts self to others as "noncompetitive." 

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February 26, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Training, Satire
Pace, Half step
February 19, 2018

Ask Dr. Dumb: Should I Worry About Tearing My Colon?

February 19, 2018/ Mark Remy
Ask Dr. Dumb: Should I Worry About Tearing My Colon?

It happened to Paula Radcliffe. Don't let it happen to you.

Read More
February 19, 2018/ Mark Remy/
January 28, 2018

New Virtual Reality Headset Lets Indoor Runners Pretend They're in Nicer Gym

January 28, 2018/ Mark Remy
New Virtual Reality Headset Lets Indoor Runners Pretend They're in Nicer Gym

With the flip of a switch, grimy fitness centers go from shabby to chic.

Read More
January 28, 2018/ Mark Remy/
Satire, Training
Treadmill, Gym, Virtual reality
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Mark Remy's DumbRunner.com

DumbRunner.com is a website for runners who enjoy laughter and pie, from longtime writer and marathoner Mark Remy. Dumb Runner offers humor, insight, and 100% B.S.-free advice for runners of all abilities.

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