Woman Prepares for Run By Yanking Leg Good and Hard



A woman in a city park prepared for a run Tuesday evening by swinging her right foot up behind her back, grabbing it with both hands, and wrenching it forward with a series of sharp, violent jerks, Dumb Runner has learned.

The woman, identified as Cynthia Lauper, 27, arrived at the park around 6:30 p.m., sources said, and took a long drink from a water bottle before locking her car and walking to a nearby path.

After checking her phone and shaking out her arms, Lauper bounced on both feet a few times, according to one witness, and blew out a deep breath. After that, she launched into the leg-yanking routine.

It was, sources said, difficult to watch.

"You ever have to detach a leg from a whole roasted chicken?" said one anonymous witness. "And it's harder than you expect, so you have to really twist and jerk it around, until you feel it give and you hear that gristly pop sound?"

"It was like that, except she never got to the pop."

To the horror of onlookers, Lauper then repeated the process with her left leg. Shortly after that, she jogged away and disappeared around a curve.

Experts are unsure what Lauper was hoping to accomplish with her pre-run contortions, though one fitness consultant speculated that she might have been trying to stretch.

"Stretching is key," said Todd Tanner, a Certified Fitness Bro and columnist for Dumb Runner, "because muscles are like rubber bands. Or something like that."

"Anyway," he continued, "a strong core is also important."