'Chocolate Milk Is Nature's Perfect Recovery Drink,' Intones Journalist Just Back From Dairy Industry Luncheon

A local health and fitness editor returned from a media event this week appearing dazed and touting the benefits of chocolate milk for athletes, her colleagues said.

"With its 3:1 carb-to-protein ratio and B vitamins, chocolate milk is nature's perfect recovery drink," Kimberly Drummond, 27, told her coworkers, speaking in a flat, almost robotic monotone.

"It was weird," said Edna Garrett, a fellow editor at the offices of HealthWOW!, an online publication. "Kimberly didn't quite seem like herself—she had this glazed look in her eyes. And I'd never heard her mention chocolate milk before that day."

The event, a luncheon held by the American Dairy Institute, was held at a midtown restaurant that had been rented out for the occasion. About three dozen journalists, bloggers, and "influencers" dined on prime rib and "chocolate milk soufflé," heard presentations by American Dairy Institute-sponsored dietitians, and left with goodie bags including bottles of chocolate milk, chocolate milk fact sheets, and official Team Chocolate Milk running shirts.

"Just finish an intense workout?" Drummond asked her colleagues rhetorically. "Reach for a glass of chocolate milk. With 8 grams of high-quality protein in each 8-ounce serving, it will help your body repair and rebuild muscles." 

"Don't take my word for it; it's all backed up by science," Drummond continued, holding up a glossy, spiral-bound American Dairy Institute report. 

"I refuel with chocolate milk," she whispered, unblinking, as a single drop of blood emerged from her left nostril. "You should, too."

Drummond then excused herself to begin work on an article about the benefits of chocolate milk.